Two minutes...go!

[Sorus]

"You shouldn't be here."

I don't turn, still transfixed by the ghosts arrayed before me.

"Are you following me?"

No answer. I turn to face him.

He gestures down past the spaceport. "I was just heading to the Harbor. I ship out tomorrow."

"I heard about your promotion." I know better than to offer congratulations. The cost was too high. "I'll buy you a drink."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Harbor is brighter and louder than I remember, though otherwise the same, down to the decor. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. It would be too easy to easy to let my guard down.

We find a semi-private table towards the back. My credit is accepted without question. "Cassandra, is it?" He nods to the card as the bartender sets it back down on the table.

I cover the card with my hand. "Your Admiral Sanford has an interesting sense of humor. But I suspect you knew that."

"She isn't--"

"You told her about me. You told her--"

"And what were you going to do? She was the only one with the authority to order you released with no questions asked."

"That's one hell of a favor."

"Yes. It was. And she didn't do it for me."

[Linna Heartbooger]

Michaelm- so much enjoyed the desert's serenity.
And it really makes the contrast between where he is now and where he's going extreme!
Also amused by the summary of the gas stations appearance.

That's good. This part still has me intrigued too:

And apparently he had not noticed the weapons for righteousness I carried
in my left hand and in my right.
(They were invisible, after all.)

Now that you mention it... me too...
I didn't come up with that myself - loved the imagery; there is surely much left for me to apprehend.

In this story, I think those weapons have been somewhat revealed to the reader... because we see her means.

"I heard about your promotion." I know better than to offer congratulations. The cost was too high.

nice irony. Ouch.
Also liked the "transfixed by spectres" imagery.

I feel like there are some scene-switching discontinuities in this story.
Haven't read through to check though.

[Sorus]

The scene-switching is intentional mainly because the format doesn't allow for much filler. There may be discontinuities as well, because it's not a particularly linear story in my mind - if I was writing merely for my own edification it would be jumping every which way into flashbacks and whatnot. That would be waaay too confusing here, but the backstory is inexorably tied to whichever future I choose to inflict on this Earth.

Also, you misinterpreted something, which was actually helpful to me because I am sometimes bad at the whole perspective thing. I will take that into account in the future.

[Sorus]

I'm trying to put some of the backstory together in ancillary documentation format, but haven't been able to knock out anything coherent in two minutes yet.

[Sorus]

Nooo editing.

----------------------------------------------------------

They say it rains diamonds on Jupiter and Saturn, but by the time the human race had left our own solar system, we were in search of rarer materials - the ores and particles that would fuel our seemingly inexorable march across the stars.

In those days, the surveying guild was responsible for scouting the outer reaches - they were heroes, their reputation beyond reproach. But greed is a powerful motivator, and a false tip bankrupted half the colonies of Cor Caroli. The perpetrator was eventually captured, but he had hidden enough cash to buy a judge and jury and his death sentence was commuted in favor of the Long Haul.

The headlines screamed for weeks of the travesty of justice, but eventually fell silent - after all, what trouble could he cause in the hinterspace of Canes Venatici?

The Medusa was an ore hauler crewed by convicts and debtors, traversing the lonely route between Fable and Hubris. It was these inauspicious ambassadors who conducted humanity's first contact with an alien power.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Also, you misinterpreted something, which was actually helpful to me

oh good. It wasn't in my response to the "promotion... I knew better than to offer congratulations" line, was it?


Snippet for a different story:
He came down the center aisle of the bus, hair golden and ethereal in the sun, duster streaming behind him like extra wings. It was Gabe. He was like an older brother to me, and all the thanks he got was that I sometimes told friends I thought he was gay.

[Linna Heartbooger]

But I motioned for Tamra to come over.
We waited.

He looked down at his hands.
Another point in his favor.

"I don't know what to say."
Okay. Not a bad place to start.

I looked at Tamra.
Not ready.
"Well, it's 6:00, so I vote late-ish for coffee unless you have homework due tomorrow. Some kind of tea?"

"Actually, yeah, I do have something due tomorrow," he said, trying to glance at the door and then stopping himself.
"What class is it?"
"137."
I groaned.
I had that one due too, but I didn't mention it.

Hmm. I wouldn't have forever.
But I wasn't about to go for a power trip of "coffee for you and tea for us," implying he'd need to stay awhile.
(I let myself spend like 5 minutes and edit.)



On the latest one, sorus, I enjoy the surveying guild being mentioned as "the heroes beyond reproach" in those days because they were doing what was needed to drive stuff for what everyone wanted...
and:

The Medusa was an ore hauler crewed by convicts and debtors

great name. I imagine a pretty ugly, beat-up clunker of a gigantic spaceship.

Also, I warn you, "the lonely route between Fable and Hubris" will make some people think you're being symbolic even if you aren't.
Please leave it though; I think it's great.

[Sorus]

It's more whimsy than symbolism. You won't find Hubris on any official star chart (at least not one published outside the system), but the original colonists - volunteers on a one-way mission, had their own names for the places they settled, and some of those names stuck.

It isn't really relevant, I'm just trying to fill in a little backstory.

Hubris was essentially a penal colony - rich in mines, though the old saying was that no one ever got rich mining there. When the first reports were sent back to Earth, they omitted the fact that many of the mines were already established and long-abandoned. It wasn't the first planet to show signs of previous inhabitation, but greed helped fuel fears that possibly lucrative sites would be handed over to the less-profitable branches of exploration.

[Sorus]

Snippet for a different story:
He came down the center aisle of the bus, hair golden and ethereal in the sun, duster streaming behind him like extra wings. It was Gabe. He was like an older brother to me, and all the thanks he got was that I sometimes told friends I thought he was gay.

I don't know why, but I see that somehow connecting to your other story. Perhaps I will see otherwise if you add more to it.

[Linna Heartbooger]

It's at the end of the story that began with that woman's Saturday morning, and her mom making breakfast, and her saying bye to her kids.
(Were you seeing it as connecting to that story? Or saying you weren't?)
My plan: write stuff at the beginning and the end, and fill in what's in-between later.

Sorry I've been idle so long...
Here's something:

The foal lay in a pool of sunshine. We stared over the half-gate at it lying beside its mother. The mare was an oversized version of her young - graceful, warm, and with a longer mane. The foal stretched its forelegs out, reaching to get a hold in the ground with the toes of its hooves, then pulled the rest of its body to standing. With a swish of its stubby, fluffy trail, it turned around and looked for its first meal.
(4 mins)

[Sorus]

Another sleep-deprived stream of consciousness, no connections or deep meanings.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm taking the high road again, up where the air is thin.

I am stronger in the broken places, if not as pretty - the scar tissue has formed ablative armor that can turn all but the fiercest thrusts.

This is not the season of the direct attack.

I'll be the one running towards the fire, running towards the disaster, running against the flow.

"I loved you a little for it..."

It's a confession, an admonition, a benediction.

It's a voice on the wind, a past-tense, a might-have-been.

There's no one here but me.

[Linna Heartbooger]

I enjoyed reading it.

Here goes something new and short:
"Mom, where do you want to eat?" I asked.
"Shao Mei," she said.
"Shao Mei?" I asked, looking to my dad and brother for help.
"Shao Mei was a place we went to when we were in college," said Dad.
Turning to mom, he said "Dear, Shao Mei isn't the one they have over here. It's Jia Yee's."
"Oh... Jia Yee's?" she asked.
I looked at my brother.
Mom had been to Jia Yee's dozens of times in the last 20 years.

('Bout 5 mins.)

[Sorus]

That one resonated with one of my personal fears. I liked it, though.

My plan: write stuff at the beginning and the end, and fill in what's in-between later.

I tend to start in the middle, working toward the end, while the beginning tends to be told in the past-tense. Not always, but that's how this main story is going. When I'm writing stuff that no one else is going to see I tend to skip around a lot more. Even now, I have to remind myself that no one knows the backstory - and part of that is intentional; I don't believe in giving everything away, but sometimes you have to give something.

[Linna Heartbooger]

It started out as a perfect Saturday.
I slept in, and woke to sunshine pouring through the windows.
Mom was readying breakfast downstairs, and the smells of French toast and coffee were acting as her obedient messengers.
My little angels were even actually acting like little angels that morning... well, as much as you can expect, you know.

When I told Zoe that she couldn't come with me, I got a brief pout... (She's gonna break some boys' hearts someday.) ...but I countered her little 4-year-old drama queen pity-party with a laughing, "But.. but... grandma!"
It sure worked better than "Mommy needs time to spend with her friends, just like you have time to spend with Evelin and Alejandra."

I know because I've now tried both these approaches.

And the rest of the day had not disappointed, so far!
After the salon, I DID get to meet up with Erin and <name to be chosen later> for coffee, and we got to hang out for hours. Sometimes you just need to hang out and talk about what dorks your men are.

[aliantha]

Man, you guys have been busy.

About backstory: When Batty was just beginning to write, I asked her some questions about what was going on in one of her stories. After she explained it, I told her, "You have to put this stuff in the story, because you can't hang over every reader's shoulder to answer their questions."

[Sorus]

One of my problems (which, correct me if I'm wrong, but Batty may suffer from as well) is that I write a lot of fanfic, which assumes (never a good idea in any context) that the reader has at least a working knowledge of the universe (whatever liberties the writer may have taken with the canon).

[Linna Heartbooger]

I'm of two minds on the "filling in the details."

One of my favorite authors is just AWFUL about that!
The thing is... he does a good part of it intentionally.
He leaves tons of world-construction & backstory details unexplained... which results in some readers doing the stretching and actually thinking and learning things about Reality that they didn't notice before...
...and a lot of readers just not being satisfied with explanations.

One more "offering" of mine coming up:

And the rest of the day had not disappointed, so far!
After the salon, I DID get to meet up with Erin and Jenn for coffee, and we got to hang out for hours. Sometimes you just need to hang out and talk about what jerks your men are.

Not that Jenn has a man right now, but I am not tooooo worried about her... she's gorgeous, she's witty, she always knows the right thing to say; she'll get another guy again in no time.

Well, anyway, it was a great day hanging with the girls. And the haircut was fabulous. The color went fantastially with my turquoise blouse... I was in one of my favorite outfits, with a necklace that both is fun and colorful, fits the blouse and.. emphasizes some things just right. So I was feeling really great. Just feeling really great, really myself, knew I looked great. You know, like in one of those ads where a woman swooshes her hair and it just blows in the breeze. Just like that. That was how I felt I was.

Yeah, so that was when the blow fell.

(just about 3 minutes. )

[Sorus]

What a place to stop.

I'm of two minds on the "filling in the details."

One of my favorite authors is just AWFUL about that!
The thing is... he does a good part of it intentionally.
He leaves tons of world-construction & backstory details unexplained... which results in some readers doing the stretching and actually thinking and learning things about Reality that they didn't notice before...
...and a lot of readers just not being satisfied with explanations.

I prefer authors that let you fill in some of the blanks over authors who feel a need to hold your hand and over-explain things you could have figured out on your own.

[Sorus]

Addendum to that thought - one of my favorite books has a scene that has bothered me for years because it feels incomplete. It bugs me to the point where I've come within an inch of joining Twitter or whatnot (and I loathe Twitter) just to ask the author about it. But I never will - not because of Twitterphobia or fear that I will look like a geek (that's already a known) - but because there's a good chance that the author never gave it any further thought - that even she doesn't know what happened.

[Linna Heartbooger]

That is kind of funny.. I would definitely admit to Twitterphobia... but eh, who knows?
She might, she might not.

Well, anyway, it was a great day hanging with the girls. And the haircut was fabulous. My hairdresser is the best. The color she'd dyed it this time went fantastically with my turquoise blouse... I was in one of my favorite outfits, since I have this one necklace that goes with the blouse and is fun and colorful, and emphasizes everything by the neckline just right. So as I was riding back home on the bus, I was feeling really great. Just feeling really great, really myself, knew I looked great. You know, like in one of those ads where the girl swooshes her hair and it just blows in the breeze. Just like that was how I felt.

Yeah, that was when I heard a bunch of guys talking behind me.

The tone of their voice was mocking... if they'd been about 10 years younger, I'd expect them to say, "Neener-neener," but no.
"He's not trying to get her to have sex, cause he's 'waai-iting for marriage.' "
What?
I looked across the aisle of the bus.
This one nice guy was getting picked on by his friends for being "the virtuous one."
So they'll try to pull him down to their level. How dare they?
(about 6 minutes.)