Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

Post by **Zarathustra** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 4:49 am

Wow. I'm speechless. I stumbled upon this thread from Fist and Faith's link in the Close. I intend to read every page. I have no pithy or "wise," statement to make. I don't know enough, yet. I just wanted to let you all know I'm lurking, and intend to absorb it all. I'll get back to you when I have something worthy of posting here.

Post by **Furls Fire** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:04 pm

Welcome to Stephen's thread Malik!! Everyone is welcome here.

Um...what link Fisty posted in the Close?

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:09 pm

Furls Fire wrote:Um...what link Fisty posted in the Close?

Afterlife

'twas a perfect response, IMO.

Post by **Furls Fire** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:27 pm

Perfect, indeed

Well done, my friend, well done.

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:57 pm

Just tryin' to drum up business for Stephen!

Participating in this thread has been an extraordinary experience!

Post by **Furls Fire** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:01 pm

Bang the drum loudly!

*hands Fisty some drum sticks*

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:16 pm

Post by **Furls Fire** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:02 pm

well, I give up. I've been trying to upload the pics of Stephen and Isaiah that were on here before the hack and it just won't do it. I've resized them down next to nothing and it still won't upload them. So...phooey on it.

Post by **dlbpharmd** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:30 pm

Furls Fire wrote:well, I give up. I've been trying to upload the pics of Stephen and Isaiah that were on here before the hack and it just won't do it. I've resized them down next to nothing and it still won't upload them. So...phooey on it.

Maybe someone here can help? We have alot of photo editing braniacs around here....(unfortunately, I'm not one of them. But, have you tried Photo Bucket? that's how I upload pics to KW.)

Post by **Furls Fire** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:44 pm

Thanks Delpsy!!! I'll give it a whirl.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Ours was chaotic as usual but lots of fun. We ended up having about 47 people at the house this year, there was lots of food and laughter. The Friday after we all left...yes ALL... for World AIDS Day in San Fran (We had to take Brooke back to Berkeley, soooo stayed for WAD). I gave no speeches this year, but met with some people who want to adopt SA and Indian AIDS Orphans.

Oh hey, you all will get a kick out of this...the TLC channel wants to set up cameras in our house and do a reality tv show like that one with the family of 10...can't remember the name right off the top of my head...anyway, we told them NO...good GRIEF!! My life is nuts enough, why on EARTH would I want cameras and crews all over the place. Crazy

Christmas is coming, life here is about to get just a little bit more chaotic than normal. Joy to all this Holiday Season!!

Post by **dlbpharmd** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:04 pm

Furls Fire wrote: Oh hey, you all will get a kick out of this...the TLC channel wants to set up cameras in our house and do a reality tv show like that one with the family of 10...can't remember the name right off the top of my head...anyway, we told them NO...good GRIEF!! My life is nuts enough, why on EARTH would I want cameras and crews all over the place. Crazy

Oh come on! That was our best chance ever of getting to see your world live and in color! Call TLC channel back and tell them you'll do it!

Post by **Furls Fire** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:16 pm

HA!!

I do NOT think so...for sooooooooooooooooo many reasons....

Post by **Stephen C** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:18 pm

Thanksgiving Day, 1999 11:13 pm

Here came the day of giving thanks, though I do this every day, but in here on the day set aside for it, I gave thanks for another day. And yet, now, I wonder if I mean it. The breath becomes harder to take in, the arms and legs shriek violently when I insist they move, the agony of my disease courses through me, the fever rages. The machines pump the vital life preserving medications into me via various tubes and needles. And I wonder, did I really mean the giving of thanks today? This life becomes one of pain. The way of it becomes the great weight, the great battle, the great grief and I begin to long for ending.

Thanksgiving Day 1999 11:57 pm

Alright, now that was incredibly depressing and just a little pitiful, Stephen. Nonsense. All of it. Would you have yourself ended on such lame talk? Yes, there is pain. Yes, you would prefer to be elsewhere. And yes, your life has become hard. But, you are alive, you breath, you see, you hear, you smile. Long for ending? In a word, though I anger myself in the affirmation, yes. I long for it. On such self-pity? There are so many who suffer far worse than me.

Sweet Jesus Lord, I am torn. Torn in my longing to be with You and my longing to remain here with no pain. I am angry with myself, for You bestow on me such great gifts. And I am grateful, but no matter how much I want to dispel these feelings of self pity….

November 26, 1999 1:21 am

There was water, all around me, I stood in it. In the distance the rush of a fall. I made my way towards it, smiling. The water tangible vitality, strength, healing. I treaded the water, it rushed past my legs as the fall drew closer. Yet, I did not see it. It was beyond me.

“Would you have Me strike you down before the end of your journey?”

I stopped. His Voice filled my heart with ecstasy.

“Or would you end yourself against My Will?”

I could not find my voice, it was lost. I wept. The water gone I found myself standing in the dry river bed. My tears flowed and pooled around my feet. And yet, I could still hear the fall. It only a few steps away, I could feel the spray on my face. My eyes were blind to it, I could not see it.

“Do you hear it?”

I nodded, could still not speak.

“Do you hear it, Stephen?” He asked again. His Voice gentle, pure, joyous.

I croaked out the only word I could “Yes”

“On the other side, you will find the end of your journey. It is not here. Here is the final path. Will you forsake yourself against My Will and not follow it?”

My tears began to fill the river bed and I sank to my knees as the water began to wash over me. I felt then a hand on the top of my head and I felt it gently push my face into my well of tears. The river began to rush past me again as the hand held me under. And just when I thought my breath would be expelled and water would fill my lungs, He let me raise my head, and I gasped for air.

“The breath of life.” He whispered softly in my ear.

I nodded.

“Behold, Before you.”

I looked up and saw the fall.

“Soon, Stephen, soon.”

My hand shakes now as I write. Gifts. Great gifts. The great kindness of our Lord. I am now, and shall ever be, thankful.

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:41 pm

WOW! That's a serious entry!!!

A personal appearance, as it were. Very, very powerful! I can imagine Stephen waking up from that, eyes wide, speechless. And he lived almost another two years.

Post by **Furls Fire** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:12 pm

Gives a new meaning to the phrase "drowning in self pity", doesn't it?

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:24 pm

Yeah. That one went right by me. But a powerful baptism, eh?

Post by **Furls Fire** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:33 pm

Glorious baptism

You know, the years since his passing have flown by so fast. I find myself missing him so profoundly lately, especially now that it's the holiday season again. When I read entries like this one, where he begs for the end, I just feel so empty inside and guilty at the same time. I didn't want him to leave, even when he was at the end, instead of praying for his release from this life and this pain, I prayed for one more day.

7 years have gone by since his last breath. And yet, that day is still so vivid in my memory. I don't know what I'm trying to say really.... I just miss my brother

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:10 am

Not on the same level as what you and your brother went through, but...

A couple years ago, I had my dog (cocker spaniel) of twelve years put to sleep. Her kidneys were very bad, and she was kinda old. Still a puppy at heart every moment she was able. But one night, she was under the table in the kitchen, and I knew she wasn't supposed to be going through that any longer. So, at 11pm, I took her to the emergency clinic. Funny thing is (not funny ha-ha) that when they gave her that final injection, and her breathing was slowing down, I actually said, "Come on, keep breathing!" Amazing. Just like you said. I couldn't bear the thought of her leaving. Even though I knew it was right, and was actually the one who made it happen. People are crazy sometimes, eh?

Post by **Furls Fire** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:16 pm

Post by **Furls Fire** » Wed Dec 24, 2008 5:25 pm

From the Nativity Story:

The Almighty has done great things
And Holy is His name
He has sowed strength with His arm
He has scattered the proud
He has filled the hungry with good things
And the rich He has sent away empty
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
And has exalted those who are humble...

"for unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord" --Luke 2:11 KJV

Merry Christmas to all of my friends here at the Watch. May the joy and warmth of this glorious season fill all your hearts and may you always find peace.

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will to all" Luke 2:14 KJV

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)