Kevin's Watch

Found Brian Thank you to Av! He's doing okay, turns out my feelings about him were somewhat true. Like most, he's having financial worries, alot of stress. He says he will try to come around soon. I'm just glad I found him. Sure have missed him (and a few others).

Alex has now tested positive for CTM.

Sigh, sweet mercy. CTM (Cryptococcus Meningitis) is a spinal cord and brain fungal infection. We are now heading down the same road as Stephen and Isaiah did. They both developed PML (Progressive Multifocal Leucoencepha) which is a serious viral infection of the brain. PML is what took their sight from them near the end. It is almost a given, now that CTM has shown up, that PML will also. And it will all take him. So, now I pray for an ease in passing. His eyes, when he is awake, convey to me how much he just wants it to be over. He refuses to be taken back to the hospital. So be it. All that can be done for him, can be done here.

So turn on the light
and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bear all my weakness,
knowing in meekness,
I have a kingdom to gain.
Where there is peace and love
in the light
In the light
I am not afraid
To let your light shine bright
in my life,
in my life

Sweet, sweet mercy...Sweet Jesus Lord. Please, ease the way and make his suffering less.

Look what Brian found for me!!!

kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/album_pic.php?pic_id=1914

Stephen, with our sister Julie. Taken July 27, 1996 (his 27th birthday). He looked so good and happy in this pic.

Furls Fire wrote:Found Brian Thank you to Av! He's doing okay, turns out my feelings about him were somewhat true. Like most, he's having financial worries, alot of stress. He says he will try to come around soon. I'm just glad I found him. Sure have missed him (and a few others).

Alex has now tested positive for CTM.

Sigh, sweet mercy. CTM (Cryptococcus Meningitis) is a spinal cord and brain fungal infection. We are now heading down the same road as Stephen and Isaiah did. They both developed PML (Progressive Multifocal Leucoencepha) which is a serious viral infection of the brain. PML is what took their sight from them near the end. It is almost a given, now that CTM has shown up, that PML will also. And it will all take him. So, now I pray for an ease in passing. His eyes, when he is awake, convey to me how much he just wants it to be over. He refuses to be taken back to the hospital. So be it. All that can be done for him, can be done here.

So turn on the light
and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bear all my weakness,
knowing in meekness,
I have a kingdom to gain.
Where there is peace and love
in the light
In the light
I am not afraid
To let your light shine bright
in my life,
in my life

Sweet, sweet mercy...Sweet Jesus Lord. Please, ease the way and make his suffering less.

Although Im saddened that we are at the end (or so it appears) for Alex and he had so little time to share with us, Im also gladdened that he will soon be with the Father and his pain will cease. He will see that, although he had so much pain and heartache in this world, that what comes after is love. Its not the end for Alex.. its only the beginning!

As I lay down tonight
Safe on the other side
No more tears to cry

For the first time you can open your eyes
And see the world without your sorrow
No-one knows the pain you left behind
Or the peace you could never find
It's waiting there to hold and keep you
Welcome to the first day of your life
Just open up your eyes

Those are lyrics from a new Daughtry song. We step from this life, to the next. And we become beings of spirit and light. That's what waits for Alex. I truly believe that.

This is so hard on Mom.

It's hard on all of us, but for Mom it's like another blow to her already battered heart.

What was the line from the Chrons?

"To bare what must be borne..."

And then, there is this...

"To go where ever dreaming goes..."

I have an endless well of strength, an awesome Hand to guide me. I will see Alex through this hell, and at the end of it, there will be such joy for him, such grace, such peace.

I heard Isaiah last night, he has been so quiet lately, but he came to me and said. "You saved me, Tracie. You showed me what love can do. If not for you, I would not be in this light now. You are the gatekeeper to here. He knows this, that's why he refuses to leave you now, until it is time for him to come to us. Like me, he has found the love." Then he said, and this brought me nearly to my knees. "We, the ones you have already saved, we are now holding you up. We will not let you fall."

I feel them all here now. All of them.

Hey all! Look what Brian did!



Isn't it absolutely beautiful??? He captured Stephen's light perfectly.

Thank you again, Brian. Huggles!!

Amazing Edge! Thank you for making my mom smile It's gorgeous!

Furls Fire wrote:What was the line from the Chrons?

"To bare what must be borne..."

That is the grace which has been given to you, to bear what must be borne.

....one of my favorite lines from the Chronicles. I used this line when I gave the eulogy at my uncle's funeral, back in '97. These words have always been a source of strength for me. May they be so now for you, Tracie and Brooke.

Glad you like the painting! And you're very welcome.

dlbpharmd wrote:

Furls Fire wrote:What was the line from the Chrons?

"To bare what must be borne..."

That is the grace which has been given to you, to bear what must be borne.

....one of my favorite lines from the Chronicles. I used this line when I gave the eulogy at my uncle's funeral, back in '97. These words have always been a source of strength for me. May they be so now for you, Tracie and Brooke.

Huggles Don!!

Thank you, for the life of me, I couldn't remember the whole quote, which is unusual because I can almost always come up with the Chrons quotes. "That is the grace which has been given to you..." Ah sigh. Grace indeed.

Hugs to you again, Brian!

Alex has now been confirmed to have MAC, CTM, PML, KS and PCP. And I know I don't have to ask...Prayers all, please, for ease in passing. It won't be long now...

Need to nap for a bit, been up since Sunday night...

More and more prayers are coming. Not just prayers for Alex but also for all of you that are there at this difficult time. For strength...to bear what must be borne. Alex will be missed when his time comes.

Furlsy, since part of my practice is in palliative care I want to ask - what are you doing at the moment? Morphine drip?

Give Alex a hug for me.

He's currently getting Zithro, Ampho B, and yes, Morphine all thru IV and of course ARVs. We are also doing the spinal drains to release the pressure on the brain from the CTM. He is in and out of consciousness, mostly out which is a blessing, as the spinal drains can be very painful. I don't think he can see anymore or he sees very little. And he hasn't spoken for 3 days now. Late Sunday night he began siezing violently and it continued thru most of the day yesterday.

This is happening so fast. We've been playing his music, he loves music. Jordan, who has become very close to him, stays by his side and reads to him. We are doing all we can...But this is the last stage of AIDS, his CD4 was only 38 the last time we did the test. I keep asking Stephen to come for him. And I heard one word earlier this morning..."soon."

I gave him your huggles Soulbiter and Eric. Thank you all for your prayers.

Passed on to me via Fist, who received a text from Furls.
It was suggested I share with all of you until Furls gathers the strength to post herself.

On Thursday, August 6th, 2009 at 6:52 am PDT, Watcher Alex passed from this realm into the Peace of the next.

יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא
Yisgaddal v'yiskaddash sh'mey rabboh (Cong: Omayn)...

Menolly wrote: On Thursday, August 6th, 2009 at 6:52 am PDT, Watcher Alex passed from this realm into the Peace of the next.

יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא
Yisgaddal v'yiskaddash sh'mey rabboh (Cong: Omayn)...

This is very sad. I wish love and support to all of Alex's extended family.

Godspeed, Alex.

My love and condolences to Furls Fire, Fire Daughter and family.