Kevin's Watch

Which is why I said neither. All I said was what I'd do.

No offense to Vain, but not seeing someone because you don't want to see them when they're in poor shape sounds like one of those things you tell yourself to justify what you want to do anyways. (So, yes, I agree: ask yourself why you're asking.)

Because I've never met anyone who has done so and then said, yep, shouldn't have seen 'em. Yes, it's hard and it's depressing, but its also good. Some part of you knows that it matters. It's not wasted time.

Gestures of love and respect are never wasted.

Wayfriend wrote:Gestures of love and respect are never wasted.

exactly.

FWIW, I wish I hadn't seen my demented vicious grandmother with tubes comming out of every orifice before she bought it. That experience gave me nothing.

Also, I'm glad my mother didn't call me home from holiday when my father died (it was a little unexpected and sudden btw). Of course that situation is different, because:
1: I wouldn't have been able to see him alive
2: He was very much alive and kicking when I left, and we were in good standings

Yeah, that happened with my grandmother...I left the country and she was fine, (for an 85yr old), and she died while I was away. Decided not to return to SA for the funeral.

Never bothered me, she was an avid traveller...she wouldn't have wanted me to come back. (And she was an atheistic old socialist...instructed us to throw her ashes in the bin after the cremation if we wanted to. ) (We didn't, but that's not the point. )

Thanks for the views guys. I generally, as a rule, don't post personal stuff because I deal with things and move on. This one, as I indicated, has me in a quandary.

I do understand that my logical reasons are selfish - and in essence I'm making it all about me. Cognitive dissonance, rationalisation - call it what you want.

I also don't know if it can be about love - it probably should be - but maybe family (the concept thereof) transcends that - don't know.

So the problem I face is do I do this for me, or for a greater purpose; and being the person I am, it's difficult to opt for the latter for many reasons.

Av - if I do come over, we will absolutely have to get together. I always did say that when I'm in my 40's I'd try out some dagga

Always welcome man. If it's this year, there's plenty of room where I am now...(dunno where you'd be going in SA?) If not this year, I'll be back in Joburg and you might have to camp on the couch, but welcome nonetheless.

--A

This one is a hard one for me, as I have done both. I missed my grandfather on my mom's side before he died, but I saw my grandfather on my dad's side. If it is for selfish reasons, I haven't ever really regretted missing seeing my mom's dad weak and uncomfortable in the hospital, but I do have a memory of my dad's dad that is an unpleasant one.
But I do wonder how much people with dementia or whatnot do know what is going on around them. For that reason of not knowing, I would probably go.

It is about you Vain. It's about you making peace by the way of your choosing.

It's not about Vain. It's about me. Me, me, me!!

Well, fine, then, Fist. *You* go see his dad!

And come visit me.

--A

OK, I'll fly over tomorrow. And, boy, will my arms be tired!!!

darnn.. late in on this one..but I see afew have hit all around it..There is some " thing" bigger than your " self" Vain.. Yes, cast all the cold logic and reason that only gets you into paradox,,cast it aside. Cast " yourself" aside...Go with Love...no,, sorry about that.. Go With LOVE. Challenge your being with grasping a dimension of LOVE you are unfamiliar with. As already said, there is no negative with Love in your heart. Just be open to all the possibilities once you free your self with it. Its your decision,,,if it is even a decision to make,,,Let all your course of actions be made with Love. Suprises await you around every corner. Without LOVE,, only predictability awaits you.