Kevin's Watch

Farewell, Tracie, until we meet again in heaven. The Watch is a few shades darker now that you are no longer here.

Eric,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your illustrated to me that Bhakti is truly a fitting persona for you. You are love is all.

Fire Daughter wrote:

She and Uncle Steve, Uncle Isaiah and Alex came to see us this morning...

Oh sweet mercy...
Furls and I chatted on MSN regarding the visit of the three white doves after Alex's passing. And I believe she or you had posted about the failure of the cameras to photograph the event.

Unless I am confusing the arrivals of the white doves with a different time...

I should have seen this coming.

Four white doves.
...four.

She is truly with the ones she Loves who are eternally Home.
As aliantha pretty much said on her Facebook...
May Stephen's/the saint's cottage shelter them all.

Menolly wrote:

Fire Daughter wrote:

She and Uncle Steve, Uncle Isaiah and Alex came to see us this morning...

Oh sweet mercy...
Furls and I chatted on MSN regarding the visit of the three white doves after Alex's passing. And I believe she or you had posted about the failure of the cameras to photograph the event.

Unless I am confusing the arrivals of the white doves with a different time...

I should have seen this coming.

Four white doves.
...four.

She is truly with the ones she Loves who are eternally Home.
As aliantha pretty much said on her Facebook...
May Stephen's/the saint's cottage shelter them all.

This one:

Ah beauty! While sitting here in my bedroom, looking out my sliding glass door to the upper deck, I saw three doves light on the rail. I opened the door and they flew in, perched on the footboard of our bed. Russ woke up and watched them with me. An overwhelming sense of peace and joy flooded me, and I mean literally flooded thru me. They then flew to me, one each to my shoulders and one to the top of my head. Love washed over me and I felt the presence of the Father, and the presence of Stephen, Isaiah and now Alex. He is home, and he is happy. And in unison, I heard their voices whisper. "We love you." They flew away then...

my cup runneth over

Fire Daughter wrote:

She and Uncle Steve, Uncle Isaiah and Alex came to see us this morning...

We can hear her singing, we can feel her near us.

Mom, you are now the Angel you were always meant to be!

We love you!

I miss you so much...

as soon as i'd read the news that Furls had gone home (and thats the only way i can think of it...gone home) a particular song began to play in my head, so i looked it up on you tube. i liked the video but i wasn't sure if it was appropriate to post (and sometimes the things that touch me or occur to me seem odd or weird to other people) so i din't post it. then, after Fist posted this loving obit, i thought of the song again and the video.
i didn't know Furls as well as many of you but, like the rest of you, she was a gift to me. nothing could dampen her gentle, generous spirit or shake her enormous faith and she has, ever since i came to the watch, been an example to me of the most beautiful kind of altruism and unconditional love. her many many acts of kindness and giving in her life (and we're talkin here only about the ones i KNOW about!) put her in the company of saints and heroes.

then i saw your post, Fire Daughter, and i decided that, for me, this song and this video is appropriate. Furls is in good company. i don't know how else to say it. we who have known her and loved her will never be without her.

I Shall Not Walk Alone

Everyone is in my thoughts...

I have been contacted with the idea of creating a item in Tracie's memory for people to put on their profile. I'll work on adding that soon. If anyone has any other ideas, or wants to talk about anything else, just let me know.

-jay

I'm still too emotional, be back soon. Eternal hugs to Furls, Russ, Firedaughter and family from Tam, Grace and I...

Menolly wrote:

Fire Daughter wrote:

She and Uncle Steve, Uncle Isaiah and Alex came to see us this morning...

Oh sweet mercy...
Furls and I chatted on MSN regarding the visit of the three white doves after Alex's passing. And I believe she or you had posted about the failure of the cameras to photograph the event.

Unless I am confusing the arrivals of the white doves with a different time...

I should have seen this coming.

Four white doves.
...four.

She is truly with the ones she Loves who are eternally Home.
As aliantha pretty much said on her Facebook...
May Stephen's/the saint's cottage shelter them all.

I must say that when I saw this post yesterday I was touched in a way I had not been touched in a long time.

I stand in awe, and I don't say that lightly.

I had no idea until I saw Xar's thread just now in The Close. While Furls and I never talked much and I'm horrible with real, personal stuff... my heart goes out to her family and everyone who knew her (if there's any real distinction between the two). Without a doubt, she'll be missed here at KW but never forgotten.

The memorial thread was/is heart breaking.
Very sad.
Sorry to all who knew her.

Fist and Faith wrote: And the glory of the world becomes less than it was.

Very appropriate

It's hard for me to put into words what I'm feeling right now. I'm not the writer my beautiful wife was. See, just doing that, putting her in past tense adds weight to the rock crushing my chest. We were to grow old together.

I wanted to come and express my appreciation for all the prayers, love, support and friendship you all gave Tracie and now give us. What Eric wrote about her showed me just how much you all love her. All she ever wanted to do was make the world a better place, and she did that. But like Eric said, she never thought she was doing enough. She did more than enough, I hope she understands that now.

"My heart is crying." That is what she would say when another one of our loved ones would pass from AIDS. Well, Baby, mine is crying now. It's not only crying, it is sobbing. And I know that's not what you want. But, how can it not? Half of me was ripped away. Maybe it will get better, but I don't see how right now. My heart is crying, Baby. I miss you with all that I am.

Eric, thank you for writing such a beautiful testament to Tracie.

And all of you who loved her and love her still, thank you. May God bless you all.

My heart and deepest condolences go out to you and your family. I did not know her, but I read enough to know she was an amazing woman.

Hail, Tracie. You will be in my thoughts tonight.

I've been trying to think of something to write....

I didn't know Tracie very well at all (she became unwell when I joined in 2004). That said, I feel like I know her, especially having read the threads here in the Hall of Gifts.

I have been greatly moved by her compassion, caring and love; by her faith; by her struggles over the last couple of months and the courage and *grace* with which she faced them.

I wish I'd known you better, Furls.

To Russ and Fire Daughter and all of Furls' other children and family, my deepest sympathies.

Tracie, HAIL!

I have read (and re-read) the postings from this memorial. Have felt the need to add my own thoughts but am at a loss for words!

*Wraps her arms around her Daddy.*

I thought I would put this here. I don't think I need to explain why...

If I should be the first to go
mourn not the grave I lie
although my chair is empty
my spirit did not die.

Death is not a foe to fear
when mortal time is through
the tears I shed are sadness
at thoughts of leaving you.

I'll miss your cherished love
the looks, the touches that said
when one of us was hurt
the others always bled.

Memories are the blessing
that endure beyond the dust,
we accept the will of God
and do the things we must.

If I should be the first to go
I'll mark the path with care
so when you follow in my steps
you'll find me waiting there. ---Stephen C. McKinney 1979

John Donne wrote:Divine Sonnet X

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

--A

"The happiest moment of your life will be the moment it ends.
That's because it doesn't end but only goes on in ways so magnificent, so full of peace and wisdom and joy, as to make it difficult to describe and impossible for you to comprehend"-Neale Donald Walsch

Yesterday we found some letters Mom wrote to all of us. They are dated just a few days before Christmas. There is one for the Watch. So, I am going to log in under her ID and post it.

God bless

December 22, 2009

To my family at Kevin’s Watch,

Ah, sweet sweet mercy...How do I say goodbye? Maybe that isn’t the right word, because I’m not really going to be gone. My presence is all over the Watch. “I’ll be seeing you” sounds good, or perhaps, “until we meet again.” I don’t know. Somehow, it is all so, for lack of a better word, inadequate. So, I won’t say any of it. I’ll write this as though it were just another post.

And I know I’ve told you all I love you. Many times I’ve told you. It doesn’t matter that we never met in person. It doesn’t matter that it was all words on a board, or on a phone. What I have with all of you is a bond of souls. Strong, deep, unwavering. I knew when one of you was hurting. I knew when one of you was in need. I knew because I would deliver your names nightly in my prayers and my soul would reach out to all of yours. The physical world, is just there, with all its joy, all its sorrow, all its pain, all its light, all its darkness. But, I exist beyond the physical, I walk in places, and speak in places, and hear in places that allow me to outstep the boundaries of the physical. And in that place, that Heaven, I am now gone too. But, the love I feel for all of you is still as strong, as unwavering, as deep as it ever was. I know, sometimes I don’t make much sense. Just know, that the boundless, timeless love I have for you will never fade.

What can I leave you with? If I left nothing but what is already written would that be enough? No. So here goes…

Danlo, Duchy, Dlpsy, Neo, Earthy, Sky, Birdie, Brinn, Luke, LF, Infelice, Syl, Durris, Iryssa, Av, Drommond, dAN, Ali, Sea, Pam, SD, Lyr, Owlie, Soulbiter…sigh, please forgive me if I missed anyone. If I could I would name the whole Watch. You are all gifts to me, our interactions over the last six years have brought me such joy. I thank God each and every day for bringing you all into my life. Gifts such as these are to be treasured, cherished. I go now knowing how blessed I am. I wish I could leave you with more than what I am. And yet, maybe it is enough. Love has no bounds, my love washes over you all and always will.

Hehehehe…I was thinking about a chat we all had once, back after I first joined, on the ChatBane I think it was (horrid thing), and we were talking about EFest 04. Fisty was telling everyone how we happened to be on the same flight from Phoenix to Albuquerque, and somehow it all got skewed and we ended up talking about how fogged up the rental car’s windows were going to get…Please, remember me like that. Remember how we laughed, remember how we discussed the Chrons. I joined at the most exciting time, the Last Chrons were in the works and we all had so much fun speculating what was going to happen. Remember? And we were all talking about the LOTR movies, and The Dark Tower books, and Harry Potter…Remember? And I brought Stephen to you. He was my gift back to you all. And then we all found Isaiah, and what a precious gift/miracle he was/is! Remember? Please, my dear friends, don’t remember me with tears. What was here of me is still here. I love you all. Huggles!

I'll be seeing you, in all the old familiar places...

Eric, Fisty…you are my best friend on the Watch, you are one of my best friends ever. I love you. When I first joined the Watch, you were the one that I connected with. The call of your soul to mine was so strong that it nearly flattened me. And I knew from the moment you said hello to me, that we were going to have something special. Six years later, “special” is too small a word to describe what we have. Yet, I held back a lot. I apologize for that. I should have known that who/what I am/was would make no difference to you at all. Because of who/what you are. That soul of yours sings a song so glorious, I hear it loud and clear in every waking hour, minute I have. My one regret is that I will never get to hug you physically. I missed those opportunities, but it is my guess that it was not meant to be for one reason or another, that our relationship was meant to be just as it was. And what it was…well, it was extraordinary…beyond words, beyond comprehension, beyond us. I know you understand that, well I hope you do. If not, then listen in the quiet, listen when the house is dark, listen when the sounds of the world are still…it is then I will whisper in your ear and tell you of the glory that surrounds me, tell you of the love I have for you, tell you of Heaven. Huggles Eric. I love you.


David…You are special. You have a gift. Please keep writing, one day you will have a best seller, and then another, and another. I always wanted an autographed first draft, I don’t need one now, because all I have to do is look over your shoulder. And please, be careful out there in the world, there are dark places in it and the path you have chosen will ultimately take you to them. Huggles David. I love you.

My sweet Brian…What do I say to you that has not already been said? You haven’t answered my last email, and I worry about you. I know you can hear me, as I can hear you. I know you hurt. I will see you from where I will be, I will hug you from where I will be, and I will whisper joy in your ear. Your talent is precious, the way you capture the essence of those souls you paint. Stephen’s and Alex’s portraits were priceless gifts. Your sweet soul sings to mine and I’m so happy we connected again after such a long time. I love you my dear friend. Huggles Brian.

And so, it looks like I’ll miss the end of the story. But I think I know how it will end. Covenant and Foul become one and the Last Dark will descend. Then the Land, the World will be made new. It’s all so simple really, even though we were always told that “it’s too easy”. Ah, but getting there will be the story, there really is only one way it can end….

Hey Eric, I don’t think I ever told how Mhoram would have triumphed over Foul if it were him instead of Kevin. Mhoram would not have been so stupid as to let Foul on the Council. Mhoram would have saw right through him. Mhoram would have known who and what he was. And despair? Yes, there would have been despair, but Mhoram would have found the secret as he did in TPTP. And he would not have been hindered by the Oath. (Yeah, I always have to have the last word…hehehe).

Sigh…I don’t know how to end this….

Entering into the Gates of Heaven

Bring us, O Lord God, our last awakening,
into the house and gate of heaven,
to enter into that gate, and dwell in that house
where there shall be no darkness nor dazzling,
but one equal light;
no noise nor silence, but one equal music;
no fears nor hopes, but one equal eternity;
in the habitation of thy glory and dominion,
world without end.
Amen.

Huggles to all of you! Love to all of you! Peace to all of you! Joy to all of you!

Tracie

Kevin’s Watch!! HAIL!!!