Sex and Life

[Avatar]

It's not even that. It's that life is about all experiences, and the way that they affectus, make us think and feel, etc. It's not even a matter of desire. Desire is, as far as I'm concerned, singularly unimportant in as far as experience goes. Desire is what you want. Experience is what you get.

Everything is an experience. Even not having sex. And experience is everything. It doesn't matter what it is, it all combines into you.

--A

[Loredoctor]

I completely disagree; you make it seem as though any experience is valued. I'd give the world to get out of my current problems. I want to experience companionship. End of story. It's okay for you to say all that, but you have someone. I never have had anyone. You cant possibly understand my stance.

[Avatar]

Aah, it is I who must disagree. I wasn't saying that Companionship is not desireable, nor that having it is unimportant. What I was saying was indeed that any experience is valuable.

OK, it may not seem particularly good to you at present, but in a few years, (perhaps when you have that companionship, or whatever else it is that you desire), you'll see what your experiences today taught you.

It's too soon to make a value judgement. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that value judgements in terms of experience shouldn't necessarily be made.

Every experience has its lesson for you. when, and perhaps even if, you realise it is up to you and the rest of your experiences.

(And of course I can understand your stance, (in as far as anybody can who is not you) because it's not as though I've always had companionship, or even that I've had it most of the time. Quite the opposite in fact. But I believe that everything contains those lessons, do we but recognise them. What we take from the experience is our choice.)

--A

[Loredoctor]

Yes, but some experiences I'd rather avoid.

[Avatar]

Sure enough, there are plenty of unpleasant experiences. But that doesn't mean you can't learn from them. And the whole thing is that even unpleasant ones can turn out to have been valuable in some sense.

--A

[Loredoctor]

Some unpleasant, yes; but not all.

[ChoChiyo]

I completely disagree; you make it seem as though any experience is valued. I'd give the world to get out of my current problems. I want to experience companionship. End of story. It's okay for you to say all that, but you have someone. I never have had anyone. You cant possibly understand my stance.

I think it is impossible for anyone to "completely understand" anyone else's stance--it is part of the uniqueness that we all possess that we all feel and comprehend things differently.

Of course, in our common humanity, we are all enough alike that we can listen to someone talk about their experience and be able to relate to it because of our own experiences.

The whole sex thing is something that I've thought about at great depth my entire adult life--in part because I am human and have the same biological urges and desires as everyone else, and in part because my inability to trust anyone enough to become that vulnerable to them--to actually allow them entrance to my actual self has kept me from engaging in the sexual act.

Like Duchess and caamora, I believe that the right person is essential--someone who is trustworthy. Someone you love and who loves you. Otherwise, you reduce yourself to a temporary penis storage device, like a sandwich bag to be used until the need for the sandwich's storage is past. Then it is discarded and never thought of again.

I understand the loneliness and aloneness that Loremaster is speaking of. I've been on my own since I left home at 18. In my younger years--especially my late 20's and 30's, I was desperately lonely. I wanted a husband and children. I wanted to have the family I dreamed of having for myself when I was a child--the one that was impossible because my parents were both so dysfunctional that they shouldn't have had pets, much less children.

However, my inability to trust--bred from years of being under the thumb of abusive, crazy people--never allowed me to get beyond a certain level of intimacy--with ANYONE in ANY kind of relationship, male or female.

As I passed into my 40's and am now beginning my 5th decade of life on this planet, I have entered into a more zenlike state, I guess. I have accepted my lot. I don't cry anymore--well, not much anyway--at the fact that I don't have children or a family of my own. Perhaps it's because I am now at the stage in life where my children would be grown up. Heh heh...

I've learned to redirect my energies. I have lots of friends--I love them, and they love me. I have come to understand that even those people with the things I lack and longed for all my life do not necessarily live perfect, fulfilling lives. And I have learned that, really, everyone is alone inside their own heads. Perhaps the level of "togetherness" that I longed for but felt incapable of really doesn't exist at all. Perhaps it's just an illusion....I don't know.

Fifty years of never having had sex has made me feel like an aberration sometimes--like I am less than human, somehow, and not as worthy of drawing breath as others. BUT, I also resent that feeling and push it away. My life has had value and validity--even without sex and companionship.

If I had had the things that I wanted--I would not be as effective in the position that I am in now--I could not have given my whole attention to my little delinquents and could not love them as deeply as I do now--because that deep love would have been claimed by my own children and spouse. I would no doubt still have cared deeply for them--but I couldn't have given them my whole heart.

So, maybe this is what my life was meant to be like. Personal satisfaction and fulfillment sacrificed for the greater good--so that these children can be redirected, and the hundreds of them that I touch and influence can have what I did not, and do better than they would have without me.

I don't know.

It helps me to think that when the loneliness is overwhelming and it's just me and the cat under the covers at night.

At any rate, this IS my life. I have to embrace what is, and make the best of it.

I can let it bury me, or I can continue to do what I can, love others as much as I am able to, and keep my chin up.

Well, here's what comes of thinking--a self-indulgent essay which is probably better deleted...ah well. Such is life.

**************

Truly, I don't understand why no one has snatched up someone as precious and sweet as Loremaster....they all must be crazy in your part of the world. Heh heh... I can't help believing that somewhere is a dear and precious young woman who is pining for someone Just Like LM. All we have to do is get the two of you together somehow.

heh heh

I believe it will happen--but then, after all these years, I am still a romantic optimist.

[CovenantJr]

Nicely said, Cho

Everything is an experience. Even not having sex. And experience is everything. It doesn't matter what it is, it all combines into you.

I agree.

[Kinslaughterer]

I'd get a lot more done if I stopped having sex.

[Edge]

I'd get a lot more done if I stopped having sex.

Well yeah, but that would make you less of a 'real man'.

And apparently, that's the most important accomplishment, ever...

[Kinslaughterer]

To who? Other men? I don't have sex with them...I don't much care what they think

[lurch]

..its not a question of " real man" or not. Its the expression of a life lived to its full intended potential. If one is born without a left arm,,its accepted,,and life is made the best of. I f one is born with a left arm and one decides not to use it,,there is no way that can be considered making the best of life.

..But hey, folks make decisions and live with consequences. Fair enough. Being honest about the consequences is respectable. But ...if a theory isn't supportable in All cases,,then the idea is no longer the status of a Theory..my point is..I received alot of derision for proclaiming what 85 percent of the bell curve knows. If one is still undecided., my god,,get all the information first before you think you know what you are talking about. Any more that i wish to say has already been expressed,,but i remain amazed at all the new twists being presented as reason not to ...just do it...MEL

[Edge]

Don't you know that the whole point of having sex, is to tell other men you're having sex - & to mock those who aren't, because they're not 'real men'?

[Edge]

..its not a question of " real man" or not. Its the expression of a life lived to its full intended potential. If one is born without a left arm,,its accepted,,and life is made the best of. I f one is born with a left arm and one decides not to use it,,there is no way that can be considered making the best of life.

So obviously, if one is born with a penis, one has to use it!

Of course, one can always just use it to urinate...

[Kinslaughterer]

Did I ever tell you the story of how I got out-peed by a girl...I think I posted that somewhere. Damnedest thing...

[lurch]

..did i ever relate the bizarr circumstances of me being urinated on by a Elk?..Yes folks..too much camoflague is not necessarily a good thing....MEL

[ChoChiyo]

Did I ever tell you about the time I bet my (male) cousin he could not hit the wire of the (electric) fence with his pee?

Turned out he could....

)

[duchess of malfi]

..its not a question of " real man" or not. Its the expression of a life lived to its full intended potential. If one is born without a left arm,,its accepted,,and life is made the best of. I f one is born with a left arm and one decides not to use it,,there is no way that can be considered making the best of life.

Better not to have a left arm than to use it to needlessly and habitually harm other people. And indiscriminate use of a penis, to score sexually just for the sake of scoring sexually, can lead to harming others. (besides the issue of icky diseases and making babies).

Casually and selfishly using other people for light entertainment can be very damaging to them if they are not aware that they are being so used.

[CovenantJr]

Good post, Duchess. You said what I was thinking but couldn't phrase.

Did I ever tell you about the time I bet my (male) cousin he could not hit the wire of the (electric) fence with his pee?

Turned out he could....

)

Never set a man a peeing challenge. He will win. Our pee is very versatile.

[Edge]

Did I ever tell you about the time I bet my (male) cousin he could not hit the wire of the (electric) fence with his pee?

Turned out he could....

)

Never set a man a peeing challenge. He will win. Our pee is very versatile.

I'm not sure peeing on an electric fence could be considered as winning... well, maybe a Darwin award.