Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

[Fire Daughter]

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

She is everywhere. I sat watching my brothers and sisters yesterday doing various things...reading, playing video games, drawing pictures..and I saw Mom in all of them. Tristan tilts his head the way she used too when she was trying figure something out, he pulls his fingers through his hair and holds a clump of it up. Ryan taps a pen to his temple, and clicks his tongue as he thinks. Chelsea has her grin when she knows something none of the rest of us do or when the answer finally presents itself. And Stephen Isaiah, he has her eyes, not just their color, we all have that, but he has her eyes, peircing, deep. He looks right through you. They all have her smile, they all have her heart. WE all have her spirit.

[Menolly]

omayn.

[MsMary]

I just found out about Tracie. I am so sorry.

I have fond memories of being with her in chat and interacting with her during her early days of being on KW.

[Harley Guy]

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

She is everywhere. I sat watching my brothers and sisters yesterday doing various things...reading, playing video games, drawing pictures..and I saw Mom in all of them. Tristan tilts his head the way she used too when she was trying figure something out, he pulls his fingers through his hair and holds a clump of it up. Ryan taps a pen to his temple, and clicks his tongue as he thinks. Chelsea has her grin when she knows something none of the rest of us do or when the answer finally presents itself. And Stephen Isaiah, he has her eyes, not just their color, we all have that, but he has her eyes, peircing, deep. He looks right through you. They all have her smile, they all have her heart. WE all have her spirit.

She lives in all of you, baby.

[Fire Daughter]

Love you, Daddy

Hugs MsMary

Had a dream of Mom last night. I've been having a hard time being here at school and away from my family. And she just said. "Brooke, life has to go on. Your life is just beginning. I don't want you to cry for me, because I'm not gone. Can you see me?"

And I said. "Yes, I see you."

And she smiled. She is so beautiful now. Light surrounds her and she shines so bright. "Do not grieve for me, Brooke. Do not. I am always here."

She was the only one
of my flesh and blood
now I hear her calling
straight from the house of God...

[Jordan]

Words to a song I'm writing for Aunt Tracie's memorial. Not sure if it's done yet.

There’s a way the snow falls
Drops down sorrow
The forest longs for the songs she sang
As she walked beneath the boughs

Why take another mother from me?
Why shake the snow from the trees?
Why her?

I see the way the snow falls
No beauty only cold
And she would tell us of the peace
And tells us not to weep

Why take another mother from me?
Why shake the snow from the trees?
Why her?

I once saw snow pure
I once thought it clean
And she would speak of joy
Of glory, of grace, of dreams

Why take another mother from me?
Why shake the snow from the trees?
Why her?

And they tell me of God’s grace
And they tell me of God’s glory
And they tell me how God holds her

I ask Him…
Why take another mother from me?
Why shake the snow from the trees?
Why her?
Oh…
I ask Him
Why?
Why take another mother from me?
Why?
Why shake the snow from the trees?
Why why why?
Oh why her?

[Menolly]

It is beautiful, Jordan.

I hope you share a performance of it online somehow for those who can not attend your Aunt Tracie's memorial in person.

[Fire Daughter]

I love you, Jordan.

[Fist and Faith]

I hope your pain eases, Jordan.

[matrixman]

Thanks for sharing that, Jordan.

[aliantha]

Thanks for sharing your poem, Jordan.

[Skyweir]

Love you, Daddy

Hugs MsMary

Had a dream of Mom last night. I've been having a hard time being here at school and away from my family. And she just said. "Brooke, life has to go on. Your life is just beginning. I don't want you to cry for me, because I'm not gone. Can you see me?"

And I said. "Yes, I see you."

And she smiled. She is so beautiful now. Light surrounds her and she shines so bright. "Do not grieve for me, Brooke. Do not. I am always here."


She was the only one
of my flesh and blood
now I hear her calling
straight from the house of God...

I just found out about your mum today - I loved the times we chatted - I wish I could have seen her, spoken to her - but after reading your post Furls Daughter - despite my tears (I cannot stop) I know I will see her too!! We shared a faith in this - she knew I once died and went somewhere amazing, wonderful, bright, warm and filled with love. So wonderful was this place that after beng resucitated I wished only to return. The world seemed so hard and harsh after being there. Not only was its beauty unmatched but the sense of belonging I had in this place - my home. Furls Fire I think is here - and we will see her is my hope..

Please accept my sincere condolences to you Furls daughter and your family. I love your mum - she is one of a kind.

[Fire Daughter]

God bless you, Sky. Mom would be so happy to see you back at KW. She told me of the talks you had and about you passing and returning. She knew that you would know where she was going.

And like I said in my PM, we do not grieve for her, we grieve for us. We are now living in the pale shadow of her light. My world is now so much darker. I had a mere 19 years with my mother, that is a blink of the eye compared to the long life ahead I will have without her. And yet, I know I will never truly be without her, we will never truly be without her...because I see and hear her everywhere.

As mom would say...

"Huggles Sky! I have missed you, girlfriend!"

[Skyweir]

I am blessed to know your mum - I feel sad and like the rest of us and as Fist and danlo have said it is because she is the best of us. I cant begin to describe how honoured I am to have rubbed shoulders with Tracie. I do not think I have ever known of a more self-less person than Tracie - Her passing has left me not just stunned but vividly aware of my weakness and great selfishness. Tracie touched so many lives - my own included.

What I loved most about her is all the good she did with her life - how she cared for and nurtured those she brought into her life.

I cant recall my husband's KW nic (I can barely formulate words) said to me that 'death is not a sadness' but then why do we feel sad?

Tracie is choice and fair in the eyes of God (of this I am sure) - and why wouldn't she be? who among us rendered such self-less service as she did?

But how can her passing be fair? or right? There is so much I just dont understand ... the only thing I do know unequivocally - and that is that if there is a Heaven (and I believe there is) she is there.

I backed off from the Watch because I wanted to do more with my real life - Your mum had touched me so much that I wanted to do more good with my time. As much as I love the Watch I didnt feel my time was well invested. I was alway in awe at all the good Furls did and was able to still come to the Watch as well. I (probabl because I am weaker and less disciplined) was unable to secure an acceptable balance (mostly because I was a KW addict).

Now all I want to do is memorialise your mum .. e.g. remember your mum in a permanent ongoing way, to ensure that her memory lives on in my heart. I am sure this may be seen as too much - but to admit to that woud be to deny the power Tracie's life has been in my own.

When I go to temple next month I will bear Tracie within my heart and will rejoice her existence and the joy and direction she has brought to mine.

And yet stil I am overwraught with sadness and grief - good for nothing emotions that I cannot seem to be able to restrain. I have not known a person better in all the world than her -and the world is less because she has passed. And paradoxically more because because she was in it - and more because her power and influene can still be felt.

All my love
sky!

[dlbpharmd]

It's good to see you here, Skyweir.

[Fire Daughter]

That's the way Mom was, always doing what she could for those in need. It didn't matter what the need was. If someone needed food, she provided that. If someone needed strength, she provided that. If someone needed meds, she provided that. If someone needed a place to call home, she provided that. No one stood a chance of denying her when she would call and demand aide for those in need.

She bared her heart and loved people she knew she was going to lose. Where she got the strength to do this time and time again came from her faith. She endured unbearable pain. She used to say..."This love is glorious and yet it is also excruciating, my heart breaks a little more with each one."

When Uncle Isaiah passed I remember waking up the night after and heard her down in our little chapel we have here in the house...she was just sobbing and pleading for the Lord to ease the pain.

Love and loss coincided with my Mother. And yet, she never hestitated to do what she did. She was who she was. And for me, I just hope and pray that I will be just one tenth of the woman she was. I pray I have the strength to continue on with the work she did. I hope to inspire people, like you Sky, the way she did.

My Mother was a gift to the world. And an irreplacable treasure to her friends and family. I feel so blessed and privledged to be born to her and my father, to be their child, and I swear to God Himself that I will live up to that honor.

[Fire Daughter]

It was 4 weeks ago this morning (will be one month on the 2nd). How is it that time just marches on as though nothing has happened? It can really be harsh, time, can't it?

I was talking to my Dad yesterday, and he told me that things are beginning to happen around the house. Little things, pictures moving, Lights turning on and off, her computer turning on, and music playing, apparently the little stereo in their bedroom started playing one of Mom's favorite songs from Phantom of the Opera...that CD was not even in it.

"She's letting us know she's still here." Stevie said. "She wants to show us. She can't bring herself back all the way yet. Uncle Steve is helping her."

And, of course, he couldn't tell Daddy what he meant by "back all the way yet." He said that's what Mom told him to say.

Anyway, here's Mom's favorite song from Phantom of the Opera

All I Ask of You

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

CHRISTINE
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light;
you're safe, no one will find you,
your fears are far behind you.

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night;
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me.

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
let me lead you from your solitude.
Say you need me with you, here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too,
Christine, that's all I ask of you

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
say the word and I will follow you.

TOGETHER
Share each day with me,
each night, each morning.

CHRISTINE
Say you love me!
RAOUL
You know I do.

RAOUL & CHRISTINE
Love me, that's all I ask of you.


Anywhere you go, let me go too!
Love me, that's all I ask of you.

[Fist and Faith]

Yeah, it's amazing that it's already been that long.

[Fire Daughter]

Yeah, it's amazing that it's already been that long.

I'm having a hard time "living" right now. I know Mom probably isn't liking that statement or that feeling, but I'm sure she understands. My world literally revolved around her. This "life" now? It just seems so, I don't know, I guess the word would be "dark", but that doesn't really come close to what this feeling is.

This is what "lost" feels like I think....

[Fist and Faith]

I'm sure. It was obvious how big a role Tracie played in all of your lives. As big a role as a woman can play in the lives of her husband and children. Which is not always the case.