Kevin's Watch

DukkhaWaynhim wrote:The Staff of Shah - obscure Hindu porno novel

Yeah - think I read that one - part of 'The Forbidden Art of One-Handed Reading' series!

DukkhaWaynhim wrote:The Staff of Awwwww -- summons fuzzy bunnies that cavort with kittens and puppies.


The Staff of Ewwwww -- drops safes and anvils from the sky in direct opposition of the above cuteness.

Shouldn't that be The Staff of Ow?

The Staff of Size.
Everybody knows it doesn't really matter, so it doesn't get out much.

The Staff of Taw -- grants +20 to all skill checks when playing marbles.

peter the barsteward wrote:The Staff of British Airways. Bastards!

Yep, not to be confused with the Staff of Helpfulness: where the wielder truly believes the help they're giving is not pompous, condescending, degrading, irritating, longwinded and ambiguous but actually helpful.

The Staff of Slaw -- preserves the natural order of side dishes. Mayonnaise abatha!

Staff of Upper Lip : British version of the politically incorrect Staff of Stiffness (still works on parts of the body other staff's fail to reach)

The Staff of Symbols (#@$%!@)
It can also function as the Staff of Comedic Curses

Staph of Homophones:

This ate-foot staph is rot of timbre maid from sturdy seeder would. A corps of guilt quarts ads wait and axe as a channel threw witch thee castor can chute bolts of lightening at his oar her soon too bee chard faux.

An actual weapon in the game "Kingdom of Loathing." Makes your chat entries into bad puns automatically, unless you get WANG'd.

kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/ ... homophones

The Staff of La: a staff to follow so

The Staff of Squaw - warms teepee and makes chewy buffalo stew.

The Staff of Naw - gives the Power of Ignoring Command.

DukkhaWaynhim wrote:The Staff of Shah - obscure Hindu porno novel

The Staff of Shari'a: Tool of implementing set of laws that are highly controversial in some circles.

The Staff of Shire Bull Terrier

The Staff of Law Enforcement.
(Uses force to make sure Laws are obeyed.)

Staff of Cat: does nothing and ignores all commands until the refrigerator door opens................

Staff of LOL. Waved at anything that is slightly funny as a form of self defense (Protection from Ambiguity). Less sincere than the Staff of LMAO.

wayfriend wrote:Staff of LOL. Waved at anything that is slightly funny as a form of self defense (Protection from Ambiguity). Less sincere than the Staff of LMAO.

lol.

The staff of aha. Used as an indicator of epiphanies.

The Staff of Limp: it's really more of a walking stick.

The Staff of Flaw: Becomes much more potent once you get the 'F' out.

Okay, just found this topic - and it's silly enough to spend an idle few minutes on.

The Staff of Or... Paralyses the holder with a near-on terminal indecisiveness. Carried by Linden Avery throughout most of the 2nd and Last Chronicles of TC.

The Staff of Shore... Converts into a parasol in the presence of sand.

The Staff of Sure... Won't let you down.

The Staff of More... Won't stop growing.

The Staff of Moor... Covers the entire landscape in desolate heather. Has allegedly also occasionally been known to conjure up an angry-looking scimitar-wielding Arabic warrior clad from head to toe in black, or even more rarely, to make a jetty appear out of nowhere.

The Staff of Mary Tyler Moore... Turns the wielder into an irritatingly preppy and overly cheerful ditz, whose face you could never tire of slapping.

The Staff of Floor... More a series of planks than a staff.

The Staff of Fore... Turns into a golf club at the utterance of a word of power, but sadly one that will invariably smash the ball into the nearest crowd.

The Staff of Aaw... Summons John Wayne (only one use per day).

The Staff of Caw... Summons the nearest raven. Not raver, raven.

The Staff of Craw... Inevitably gets stuck in your throat.

The Staff of S'more... Emits a small flame, but only in the combined presence of Graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate.

The Staff of Hoar... Drops the temperature to zero within 100 yards of the wielder. Really REALLY important not to confuse this with...

The Staff of Whore... Simultaneously drops the underwear and loosens the morals of any adult female within 100 yards of the wielder.

The Staff of Apathy. It gives the user the power to..... ah, who cares.