Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

[birdandbear]

Yay! That's awesome!! I was hoping he'd find this, sooner or later. People should know when something they've done has effected so much good...

And Hail Chris!! Welcome to KW!
It's an honor to meet another member of the incredible Mckinney clan.
Thanks for the news. I'm so glad to hear everything's going smoothly, and they'll be home soon!

[amanibhavam]

I wish there was a way to print the whole thread in one piece...

Until I read all this, hugs from me to you all. Take care of yourselves.

[Fist and Faith]

If he has only looked at one part of the watch, I'm glad it's this.

Agreed!!

[Revan]

I also agree!

For someone like me... whom can't stand poetry (When I'm studying it at school anyways ) I'm suprised that I liked and was touched so much at Stephen's writing... I think... like some people here... that this stuff should be published...

I haven't actually read that much of this thread... because it was so long... I decided to read only Stephen and most of Furls' posts... So I don't know if you've talked about it... but I think you should get this stuff published. It's amazing.

[Furls Fire]

My thanks to the several considerate people who have referred me to this thread (found on kevinswatch.com under The Collective in the index, Hall of Gifts). This is not the appropriate place for a discussion of that thread. However, I urge everyone who is interested in the importance of creativity, and in the relationship between creator and audience, to take a look.

If he has only looked at one part of the watch, I'm glad it's this.

He has been to this thread??? I'm overwhelmed!! Hail, Mr. Donaldson! Be welcome here! Welcome and true. Your presence does great honor to the memory of my brother, and Isaiah as well, you were truly their favorite author.

My goodness..I go away for a week and come back to this wonderful revelation. I'm wondering who asked him about it? Or even told him about it? Wow...I bet Stephen and Isaiah are smiling now. As for me, I'm in tears...

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Which has been a constant for me this past week. We got home yesterday around 3pm, which was very very odd, because we left Johannasburg at 2pm...so technically, it only took an hour to get home. LOL!! The babies are just gorgeous, took them to see Liz this morning and got them all started on meds. My kids are completely in love with them and are doing all they can to help out getting them all settled in. Silezia follows Chelsea around like a puppy dog, it's so adorable.

Ah, so much to tell about South Africa and what we saw there!! I wanted to bring all those children home with me!!! I was floored by the poverty these people live in, when Johannesburg is so rich and lavish...It broke my heart. I was literally handing out money, clothes and shoes to people we passed along the roadways when we went to the village to get the babies. I had packed a huge suitcase full of clothes and shoes that my kids don't wear anymore, and handed it out to the little ones in the orphanage. You should have seen their little faces light up. I was in tears...And I shall never ever forget those little faces, not a one.

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I'm happy to see new "faces" here in the thread. (Still can't believe the man himself has been here!). And Chris, thank you for letting my friends here know what was happening with us. Love ya lots.

Duchy, that letter about your father was awesome!! It must have made you feel sooooooooooooooooo good to hear someone speak of him so warmly. hugglessssssssssssssssssssssssss

Hugglessssss to all of you!!!

Peace,

Tracie

[Fist and Faith]

WB Fire!!!!! The Watch is truly not the same without you!

Duchy, that letter about your father was awesome!! It must have made you feel sooooooooooooooooo good to hear someone speak of him so warmly.

Really! It must be nice to know that you weren't just seeing him through a daughter's eyes.

[Furls Fire]

awwwwww...thankee

[hierachy]

truely great to have you back.

[dlbpharmd]

Welcome home, glad you made it back safely!

[Furls Fire]

thanks guys love yas!!

It's been a crazy last few days, hopefully things will settle into more of a routine soon so I can type up another entry and get it posted.

Won't be too much longer, I promise.

[Guest]

Many have asked me where the last line of my sig comes from and why it is there. Most know by now that it is from the song "Vincent" by Don Mclean (Josh Groban also does a beautiful interpretation of it as well). As for the reason...well, I think this next entry of Stephen's journal will answer that better than I ever could.

For Stephen, Isaiah, and all those who are living with or have succumbed to AIDS...

"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.."

Peace,
Tracie

[Stephen C]

June 6, 1987 11:23pm

I listened to a song today for the first time, although it has been around for about 15 years and I have even heard it thousands of times before, I never really listened to it. Now, it resides in my soul, rising above all the other songs that play themselves over and over for my heart’s solace. Those words! Those breathtakingly beautiful words! I can’t believe I never opened my ears and heart to them before! Such elegance, such sorrow, such profound capture of how he lived and died. Here, my friend, lose yourself in Don Mclean’s tribute to Vincent Van Goh…

Vincent – Don Mclean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They did not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one
as beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They did not listen they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

How could I have not listened! This accolade to one of my favorite artists is beyond extraordinary!! “This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.” That line alone stops my heart, makes me gasp for breath. Such graceful music, such flowing lyrics, such awesome enlightenment of the pain Van Goh lived with and ultimately succumbed too. Such laments as this are gifts to those of us who have the soul to understand such pains.

How could I have not heard this before? Perhaps I was not meant to until now. Now, when I feel so odd, so out of myself, so close to understanding that which has always been a dark part of me. That part that will take me from this world sooner than most. Is that it, Father? Is insanity what waits for me? Whatever I must face, am coming close to facing, will I fail the test of it and be driven from my own mind? If so, know this, Father, I will not take from myself the life which You Yourself have given. For it is not mine to take. And if I must face pain, fear, insanity—know this, Father, I will endure it. I will. As You are my witness, I will endure it.

“And when no hope was left inside, on that starry starry night, you took your life as lovers often do…”

No hope? With You inside me, Father. I will always hope, I will always know love, I will always endure. Is this why my ears were opened to this song today? Have You been listening to my soul’s soft cries as the fear of darkness begins to grow? It is close now, isn’t it? So close. I can almost understand it, Father. Almost.

“They did not listen, they’re not listening still—perhaps they never will…”

I’m listening now, Father.

[matrixman]

Yes, it makes sense that Van Gogh's art would have appealed to Stephen. They both saw the world around them in a very vivid way. Van Gogh expressed what he saw in the intensity of his art, and Stephen expressed what he saw in the intensity of his words.

And that connection led Stephen to think about whether or not Vincent's fate might hint at his own.

I think one of the reasons why Stephen's words move me is because they are the words of someone who was acutely aware of his own mortality. Stephen knew his time on this earth would be all too brief, and that knowledge sharpened his experience of the everyday. Simple things took on meaningful resonance.

[Furls Fire]

Yes, it makes sense that Van Gogh's art would have appealed to Stephen. They both saw the world around them in a very vivid way. Van Gogh expressed what he saw in the intensity of his art, and Stephen expressed what he saw in the intensity of his words.

And that connection led Stephen to think about whether or not Vincent's fate might hint at his own.

Oh yes, MM. Steve's life was one of art, music, literature... Van Goh always touched him profoundly, even at a very young age. (He was not quite 18 when he wrote this entry, and still did not know he was HIV positive). As a child, he would pour over art books, gazing for hours at different works by various artists. But Van Goh was one of his favorites, "Starry Night" especially.

I think one of the reasons why Stephen's words move me is because they are the words of someone who was acutely aware of his own mortality. Stephen knew his time on this earth would be all too brief, and that knowledge sharpened his experience of the everyday. Simple things took on meaningful resonance.

Exactly. "I will have to live a lifetime in only a quarter of a life.."

Peace...

[Fist and Faith]

Yeah, Vincent is certainly (certainly my opinion, anyway ) one of Don McLean's top few songs. Maybe anybody's.

The thing that moves me most about Stephen's words is his certainty. Although he had moments when he wasn't as strong as he wanted to be, there's no question how the crisis will end.

[Chris M.]

If I may...

In the years between the "hit and run" and his diagnosis, Steve often spoke of having to live everyday as though it were the last day. Most of us just attributed this to the fact that he was clinically dead for a short time and then revived. Giving him a sense of mortality. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with HIV in 89 that we understood what he (and Tracie) had always known...he was not going to be with us very long after all.

These "before diagnosis" entries of his journals always bring a lump to my throat whenever I read them. How he lived, how he never wasted a single moment, and how he "looked" and "listened" and "sensed" everything around him, has always inspired me in my own life. Just to make him as proud of me as I am proud to be this man's brother.

God bestowed on all of us a great gift when He allowed Stephen to be born into our family. And I thank Him for that gift everyday.

take it easy folks...

Chris McKinney

[Furls Fire]

Chris, having you post here is just wonderful! I'm so happy you are setting aside your computer phobias and coming to witness what Steve's words are doing even now.

Peace

[Fist and Faith]

Oh, you two crazy McKinney kids!!

[Furls Fire]

Well, according to my MIL we're all nuts...soooo, guess that clenches it.

Oh hey...Pics of the babies are in the album.

[duchess of malfi]

And darling pictures they are, too.