Kevin's Watch

I've kept meaning to respond to this topic in some detail, but whenever I try I'm either unable to think of how to talk about it or I descend into an uncharacteristic self-loathing (maybe not so strong a term), so I'm just going to respond briefly.
I'm most decidedly a loner. I've got pretty low self-confidence, and tend to feel uncomfortable in most social situations - I'm a very self-conscious person, I worry unnecessarily about what people think of me, so find myself giving people little reason to think of me at all. Having said that, there've always been a small group of friends I've been comfortable around, who I don't feel that way with, so it's not like I avoid human contact entirely, heh.
I also choose to spend a lot of time on my own anyway, whether I'm reading, listening to music, watching films, or anything else; sometimes I just feel like staying in on my own - it can be quite a large portion of my time, though...

Murrin, way to go replying. Yeah, I definately know what you mean about trying to think about something and then getting the big Shut Down from your brain. :P

And Variol Son, that is -exactly- how I am in conversation. Not in an invasive way... that's just how I talk to people.

I decide my friendships based on the people who are into that kind of conversation, and relating with other humans on a real level, as opposed to a superficial one...
some people enjoy the smalltalk, but it's just not for me.

variol son wrote:Just a question for all those who don't like crowds because they don't like small talk; when you are around others, why do you engage in small talk at all? Why not just talk about something more meaningful?
<snipped for length>.

I'm not trying to be offensive, because I am generally more comfortable on my own or with a smaller group of close friends. I have however been challenging myself to move out of my comfort zones lately, and so I thought I'd share one small part of that challenge with you all.

Sum sui generis
Vs

An excellent post.

There is little intimacy in small talk, and I believe that as human beings we crave intimacy--and I don't mean sexual intimacy, I mean the intimacy of the spirit--where you are truly you and I am truly I, and we touch each other on an elemental level--thus we both grow.

I think small talk (and I can small talk...though after a while it gets BORING) is a substitute for those who either aren't very deep (not many of those, I believe) or those who are fearful of being rejected or hurt (much more numrous).

The whole eye contact issue that we were talking about earlier--the minute the conversation deepens--and is mutually respectful of course--eye contact ceases to be an issue for me. Two immortal spirits communing eye to eye makes it non-threatening....

Wow...not only cool but deep too! VS, you rock!



Cho

I'm mostly a loner, I guess. I'm not a complete hermit, I like to work with people and see friends two or three nights in a week, but if I don't have a decent amount of "me-space" then I start feeling...well, stretched is as close as I can get to it.

Well.. I mean... being the monomach doesn't exactly make you a social butterfly... hehehe

ChoChiyo wrote:I prefer small groups.

When the group gets too large, it overstimulates me and I get uncomfortable. Then I crawl under a table with three or four other people and we have our own quiet party down there.

I have one fantastic memory of doing just that, (although it was a very small party, and all of us were under the table, which itself was pretty damned small, maybe a foot high, and we were lying with just our heads and shoulders under it.) When you factor in copius amounts of LSD, it made a lot of sense at the time.

--Avatar

Murrin wrote:I've kept meaning to respond to this topic in some detail, but whenever I try I'm either unable to think of how to talk about it or I descend into an uncharacteristic self-loathing (maybe not so strong a term), so I'm just going to respond briefly.
I'm most decidedly a loner. I've got pretty low self-confidence, and tend to feel uncomfortable in most social situations - I'm a very self-conscious person, I worry unnecessarily about what people think of me, so find myself giving people little reason to think of me at all. Having said that, there've always been a small group of friends I've been comfortable around, who I don't feel that way with, so it's not like I avoid human contact entirely, heh.
I also choose to spend a lot of time on my own anyway, whether I'm reading, listening to music, watching films, or anything else; sometimes I just feel like staying in on my own - it can be quite a large portion of my time, though...

We are very similar, Murrin.

yeah. I don't descend into that pit of shame without being able to type about it, because I've learned to be open, and optimistic about my self loathing

JemCheeta wrote:yeah. I don't descend into that pit of shame without being able to type about it, because I've learned to be open, and optimistic about my self loathing

Heh heh heh

I've learned to embrace the crappy-ness that is me!

I revel in it!

CRAP reigns!

Heh heh heh

Come here for a big group hug, all you fellow travelers on the leaky ship of low self-esteem!

*sssssmmmmmmooooooooooooooooch*

Heh heh heh

I like traffic lights

Oddly enough, my addiction to the internet taught me social skills, and growing out of it let me start using them in the real world. Before that I was a pretty big t00l, but after learning how to communicate with people on a highly personal level online, I was able to communicate with people on a highly personal level in the real world.

Even today, I don't know how to do small talk in real life very well.... I cut straight to the heart of issues most often.