How do you feel today?

[Cameraman Jenn]

Danlo, SJ, hugs to you both. Av- nice! We are both currently red heads!

I worked my butt off today. I single handedly broke down and stocked a pallet and a half of cases of paper. I am getting some serious workouts at that store. My arms, shoulders and back muscles are getting buff and even more toned. I take after my Dad in that I can muscle up pretty quick. I have significant biceps and forearm muscles when I flex and I am not sure which muscles they are but I can make my wing? muscles stand out pretty well if I flex in the mirror. The muscle on your back that shows when you hold out your arms and flex you can see them just behind and below your armpits. On the creepy side, my forearms are looking a little veiny like bodybuilder forearms, when I am all pumped up just after I sling loads of stuff but certainly not to the extent of the steroid body builders.

Anyway, today was a mostly good day. Added even more frustration to my list of frustrations with Chai. At one point in the day, Edward asked her to do something, no response, he asked again, still no response, he asked again and STILL no response, he said, "Chai, do you copy?" in a very irritated voice. Still no response. He then asked Cheng, "Does Chai have a headset on?" Cheng said yes. Still no repsonse. Edward starts saying, "Chai, if you copy you need to respond, we talked about that multiple times in multiple meetings, do you copy?" She gave her patented response, "I'm with a customer." Ed went into a tirade about how she needs to respond anyway as discussed multiple times even if it is to say, "I'm with a customer." No response that she heard it. Yeesh. So later on , I try to send Crystal to lunch. She says she can't go, I go up to find out what is going on and find her on the verge of tears. Chai took in a bunch of jobs, promised them in incredibly unreasonable times and dumped them on Crystal, not the least of which was a 150 issues of a full color ten page brochure that WAS NOT set up in the customers file to anything remotely close to proper sizing and told the customer one hour so the customer was WAITING!!!!! Standard minimum turn around time on an order of that magnitude is 48 hours. I helped Crystal play catch up in the copy center and then told Zainab and Mary that Crystal and I were going outside to talk. She vented, I took notes with specifics down to customer names etc. of all the things Chai messed up and dumped on Crystal then dated the notes. Then I found out that Chai isn't doing two major imperative operations things that are both grounds for firing alone. I told Crystal to stop covering for Chai and to just log her own stuff and to tell Trang to do the same and keep a private list of all the stuff Chai doesn't log in the copy center store use log and all the stuff she wrecks by screwing up jobs, paper counts, print counts etc. and doesn't log in the error write off log. Then when Tina comes back from vacation she will have a list of jobs with specifics and items with specifics that haven't been handled properly and can be calculated so that Tina will know what Chai is costing the store in a week. I also asked Crystal to keep notes of customer names and job specifics in which the customer is upset and/or has unrealistic expectations based on Chai's dealings and told her to tell Trang to do the same thing. It's much worse than I thought. I had my own frustrations but listening to the two page list of stuff I took notes on for just today, I must say I am appalled. Crystal is on the verge of quitting and apparently so is Trang so I counselled Crystal, gave her several options and scenarios of how to deal with some of the issues, offered to sit in with her in a meeting with Tina and offered myself up as the source if Tina decides to have a meeting with Chai against her accuser so that Crystal can remain anonymous. Crystal was telling me I didn't have to do that because it wasn't my department and I said, "How do you figure that? Is it part of the store? yes. Am I part of the team responsible for the store? yes. It's everyone's department despite anyone else's attitude. We are all responsible." I also got Crystal laughing which was a lot better than almost crying and she appreciated that. On happy notes I had some great fun moments being silly with customers today and I got a bunch accomplished.

[Avatar]

"Look on my works ye mighty and despair..."

--A

[aliantha]

Good going, Jenn! On the basis of what you posted, *I'd* be willing to testify to Tina that Chai needs to go....

Hot today. Like, really hot. Supposed to top out over 100 degrees, with a heat index (due to the humidity) of 105+.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with some co-workers, one of whom insisted that we sit on the rooftop deck. It was in the upper 90s, but the others were willing because they all smoke. I wasn't thrilled with the idea and would happily have stayed in the cafeteria, but I went along with it in order to visit with my co-workers. A couple of hours after we came in, I went in the bathroom and threw up. I'm blaming my insistent co-worker.... Anyway, today I'm staying inside with the a/c.

Seems like I've spent half of this year hunkered down inside, hiding from one type of bizarre extreme weather or another.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

I feel really shitty, I have been in pain for over well over a week due to an embarrassing health condition. I don't have a regular doctor, and was too embarrassed to go see some stranger about what is going on. Finally broke down and went to a doctor yesterday, and the things he did and the things he prescribed left me in worse condition than ever. Two days ago, I thought I knew what the worst possible was, but now I know that there is no limit to how much a human can suffer. I am sick of hurting, been hurting too much for too long, and now I hurt so much worse than before. I hate it. I hate everything. I don't know what to do. This sucks I suck, everything sucks and is full of hate and suck. Fuck everyhting. Damn. Sorry for being like this. I don't have an outlet though. Anyone have any recommendations for someone in pain? Meditation or something? Please help.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Cameraman Jenn, sounds like you are really good at your job. It is not easy being helpful and patient with so many different people. You work with people with a lot of cool names, too!

[aliantha]

First, I would call the doctor back and find out whether your reaction to his treatment is normal. Maybe you're having an allergic reaction to the meds he prescribed. (I assume they're meds.)

Otherwise: maybe yogic breathing? biofeedback? I dunno.

Sorry you're in such pain, tho.

[Menolly]

I agree with aliantha; call the doctor back and tell him how you are reacting to treatment. On our part, it is really hard to suggest anything for relief without knowing the details, and obviously you are not comfortable sharing that. I will send Love and Light your way, and hope answers come soon.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Sorry for bringing it up. I know it was stupid of me. I just am miserable and trying to keep my mind off it, but writing about stuff, anything, it is hard not to let my true feelings come out, you know. This sucks! Yeah, I think that doctor just hates my guts and wants to make sure that I never come anywhere near his office again. I feel like I have been maliciously attacked by him. I don't know. This is my punishment for not having a regular doctor, I suppose. I am wondering if there is not a complication going on. My info on the prescription states that it "may cause pain, but your physician has determined that the benefits outweigh the side effects" or something to that effect. So I don't know what to think. i hate him. I hate me. And I hate everyone and everything. No, I don't hate the Watchers. Sorry for bringing it up. The yogic breathing isn't helping.

[Cameraman Jenn]

One rule on the watch, especially in the how do you feel today thread is to never feel stupid about bringing up how you feel. This thread is for VENTING as well as celebrating as you can clearly see by my vast and prolific posts. If you are unable to call a doctor or the doctor right away, most states have a 1-800 number you can call to ask a nurse questions about meds and reactions. I would suggest looking online to see if your state provides that service and if they don't then call the california ask a nurse hotline. I have called the california one twice over the years here and they were awesome. Once was just after Julie had a mineral deposit removed from her tear duct and she seemed way more out of it than I had been led to believe she would be and it scared me a bit so I called and the nurse was extremely helpful, gave me advice on things to watch for that could be bad reactions to the meds and after reactions to the stuff she was given for surgery and advised me on specific things to do to help her flush the meds from her system better and faster. The advice worked and I felt way more confident taking care of Julie. The second time was when several of us got very ugly cases of poison oak from a film shoot and it would just not go away so I called and the guy recommended an expensive but very effective cleanser that cleared it up in two days. See if that helps, it's free and anonymous. Also you can tell them the specific meds you are on and they can ask the right questions to see if your reaction is falling inside of "normal" parameters and give you advice on what to do from there.

On other notes, today was a very good day. I had fun with customers by being silly again to the point that Father Bristol gave me his business card and asked me to come work with his youth groups. He also told me to always keep that sunshine in my heart. I had fun playing with my co-workers today too. I had some fun banter on the headset with my cashiers today. I kept accusing Cheng of picking on me and she kept denying it and then I kept telling Tyler to stop picking on me like Cheng does. It was fun and very melodramatic. We also had some fun when the girls would ask if someone would get a product out of lockup and I would get on and just say, "Who's got your back?" and they would say, "You got my back."

I did have one strained moment. I found that in the back to school lineup by the registers, Zainab had stocked a notebook wrong and so I told her about it and she got super defensive with me and started getting all excuse spouting and standing in super defensive posture and I looked at her and said, "Zainab, I am not telling you this because I am judging you or trying to get up in your face for making a mistake, I am simply telling you so that you know about it and can correct it when you have time, it's no big deal." She continued to be super defensive and I said, "Stop, I have my own projects or I would have fixed it for you and never mentioned it, I need to get this one thing done tonight and since you are opening tomorrow I just wanted you to know so you can fix it in the morning." She finally got it.

I also did a big no no at work. We were about to leave when Mary noticed that the copy center sale signage had not been swapped out. There was no ladder handy and so I used some ancient pommel horse moves to climb up on the nearest fixture and lean out and swap out the signs. James would have been proud. I climbed upon the counter, turned around, leaned out to max extension and using a leaping catching upper body move, managed to drag myself to the top of the nearest fixture, over six feet high, pull myself up with my arms from a hanging at the chest level position, kneel on top of the fixture, change the signage and then drop my lower half back over the edge of the fixture and then push off hard enough to clear the bottom of the fixture and still not crash into the counter that I used as my jumpboard. There is a four foot width and four foot height difference between the counter and the top of the fixture. I impressed myself. Even Mary said that was awesome. I just hope HR doesn't watch that moment on the tapes.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

On other notes, today was a very good day. I had fun with customers by being silly again to the point that Father Bristol gave me his business card and asked me to come work with his youth groups. Shocked He also told me to always keep that sunshine in my heart. Cool I had fun playing with my co-workers today too. I had some fun banter on the headset with my cashiers today. I kept accusing Cheng of picking on me and she kept denying it and then I kept telling Tyler to stop picking on me like Cheng does. It was fun and very melodramatic. We also had some fun when the girls would ask if someone would get a product out of lockup and I would get on and just say, "Who's got your back?" and they would say, "You got my back."

You are silly! Thanks for the funny story. Made me smile, and I need that right now. And watch out for those unsafe acts! Where I work, a person can get fired pretty easily over things like that!

There is definitely something going wrong with my prescription. Am going to stop use and see what happens today. If the pain doesn't decrease I may go to the hospital. I am in bad bad shape. There is a nurse hotline in Missouri, I might give them a ring, that's a good idea.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Fuck me. Now I know that I really am stupid. I guess this is what happens when doctors and pharmacists don't bother to explain what the medications are for. The fucking med that has been bothering me, I thought it was supposed to treat a symptom I am having, but it is only supposed to reduce pain. It is causing pain, not reducing it. The first sentence of the pharmacist info states "May cause redness, burning, and pain" ...I thought the shit was supposed to treat the problem. You know, may cause more pain, but will make shit go away eventually, that sort of thing.

I think I am having an allergic reaction to it or something. Not only did the shit not reduce pain, it has increased it dramatically, and my previous symptoms are even worse now. I hate life real bad right now.

What a crock. I was in pain for over a week before I went to the doctor. Absolutely did not want to go to the doctor, but the pain was too much and I broke down and went there for help. And now I have learned a whole new level of pain and suffering because of that damn doctor. This is so much worse than before it is ridiculous. Fuck me.

[aliantha]

Yeah, definitely call somebody. And quit taking the stuff. And keep us posted -- now I'm worried about you....

[danlo]

Hang in there SG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Sorry for being such a swear-bag and cuss-bucket. That is unnecessary. I just wanted to mention the positives about all this, real quick.

Last week up to three days ago, my pain was at a constant three (1=not bad, 10=please end my misery), with spikes of seven and a half or so when I moved around (walking and what not). But the last day and a half, two days or so, I am now pretty much at a constant 8, which means I am just as miserable stationary or mobile. So I cleaned up yesterday and this morning.

But not just cleaning...ok here comes the story....

My wife and I split up last April, we got back together around last September, and split again in December. For good. Most definitely this time. Well, she left, both times, and that left me alone in this stupid giant, oversized house. It was painful to sleep in our empty bed, so I moved to the guest bedroom. It was a simple band-aid for the pain, plus I liked that mattress better anyway.

Basically, I literally walled off the pain. The master bedroom has been in quarantine for 8 months. She came and got the bed, and about half of her clothes and some bathroom stuff, but left everything else.

I finally got around to going in there and cleaning up, boxing up her stuff and throwing away the "us" stuff that neither of us would want to keep. Wow. The weight off my heart is like a complete contrast to my physical suffering. It is a very weird feeling. Probably the external pain helped me to face my internal pain, gave me some leverage with which to wrestle it.

And it has been so long since I have been in those rooms (master bed and bath and walk-in closet) that they are almost unfamiliar to me now. Especially now that they have been gutted and cleaned.

I have now moved all my stuff into those rooms from the other side of the house. It is like moving into a new apartment or something. And I feel really good inside. It is like I finally re-staked my claim to my own house. I finally feel like it is mine, and not some open wound of "us". I don't know what I am trying to say. Basically, I have been running from some painful memories, and now I have confronted them and conquered them.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Not feeling so bad now. The pain has simmered down now that I stopped using Dr. Insano's Torture Medicine. Of course I am heavily medicated on Tramadol, but at least I am not suffering.

[CovenantJr]

.....

[Holsety]

Good news Danlo.

I had a good day, dyed my mohawk bright red.

And since this month I've been at my new job for a year, I got my increase, which was a great one.

--A

I know this is a weird question, but in South Africa is it usual to say you got an "increase"? Here "raise" is much more common. Just curious.

As for me, I spent today downloading several soundtracks from video games I like, which makes me happy indeed. I spent some of the day tooling around on the compy and listening to the soundtrack from breath of fire 3 and okami.

[sgt.null]

worked by myself today. they gave me aco during the lunch meal - otherwise i was by myself.

so the alligator living in the river behind the kitchen eatin a fish it caught. pretty good sized fish.

went to galveston yesterday. first time in two years. (since the hurricane named ike)

then took the ferry over to bolliver and drove up the coast for ahile. had swam in freeport earlier in the day. ocean was fairly active.

[Holsety]

worked by myself today. they gave me aco during the lunch meal - otherwise i was by myself.

so the alligator living in the river behind the kitchen eatin a fish it caught. pretty good sized fish.

went to galveston yesterday. first time in two years. (since the hurricane named ike)

then took the ferry over to bolliver and drove up the coast for ahile. had swam in freeport earlier in the day. ocean was fairly active.

How do you like Galveston? I think it's a pretty pretty city, and it has nice seafood from the short time I spent there...

[Avatar]

I know this is a weird question, but in South Africa is it usual to say you got an "increase"? Here "raise" is much more common. Just curious.

They're interchangeable. "Increase" is more formal...that's what it's called in contracts and whatnot. "Raise" isn't unheard of though...you'd be understood if you used either.

--A