Double entendres (MATURE CONTENT....obviously)

[CovenantJr]

I got these in an email. I don't know how many are real; there are some I can easily believe, and some that seem less likely. I reckon it's probably a blend of the genuine and the imaginary. Still kind of amusing though.

'The finest double entendres on British TV & Radio'



Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's just come in his shorts.



Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."



Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."



Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."



Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."



Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."



Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil tell us about your amazing third leg."



Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."



Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."



James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Rubens Barrichello?"



Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."



Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."



Steve Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."



Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."



A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

[Warmark]

''Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night." ''

HAHAA!

[Relayer]

[birdandbear]

[danlo]

[Sunbaneglasses]

Those are great!

[Prebe]

Priceless!

One from the real world:

My former boss had NO humour, and wouldn't find any of these amusing. So of course he didn't find it amusing when a colleague of mine enquired about a large rubber lined ruler. The nature of the request was unknown to me and my two female colleagues in the office, as we were behind a cubicle divider when I overheard this exchange. By the way, the boss from advertising was called Tom:

Hey Gus, you got one bigger than this? (*sound of something swatting against the table*). Because Tom's only got a ten inch one without rubber, and that's not good enough for me.

[Gil galad]

ROFL

[Lord Mhoram]

John McLaughlin said recently: "Who fingered Valerie Plame?"