TCTC: An IRC Play in Some Number of Acts

[emotional leper]

Being Act 1

*** TCovenant joins #KevinsWatch
@TCovenant> WTF? Hax!
DRockworm> Want ops! Want ops!!
Foul> STFU, n00b! Ops are Mine!
*** DRockworm leaves #KevinsWatch
@TCovenant> WTF, mate?
Foul> Dude, goto #Revelstone and tell the Council of Boreds I have totally set them up the bomb. DRockworm is like totally God-moding and shit, and they only have a few turns to get the Staff of LAWL back. If they don't DRockworm's gonna totally be like, "Dudes! I'm in your #Revelstones! Ruinin' your Lands!" In like, really soon now. Oh, also, you totally suck, dude
@TCovenant> STFU!
Foul> Psh, n00b!
*** Foul sets mode -v TCovenant
Foul> Tell them like, if they don't get it back, then I'm gonna like, totally be pwnz0ring their boxes! I'll be all up in their RAMs, flippin' their bits and stuff, like, really soon now.
*** Foul sets mode +v TCovenant
*** Foul leaves #Kevinswatch
*** HotLena4U24239 joins #Kevinswatch
HotLena4U24239> Sup? A/S/L?
@TCovenant> Like, WTF?
HotLena4U24239> Lol? A/S/L?
@TCovenant> 30s/Leper/WTF Am I?
HotLena4U24239> LOL. #Kevinswatch, n00b. Stop makin' fun of me.
@TCovenant> WTF? Are you like, mental or something? All of a sudden I was like, mindin' my own business in #mtv.realworld, and then, like, WTF? HAX! I was here.
HotLena4U24239> LOL. Someone's baked.
@TCovenant> ...
HotLena4U24239> Wanna cyber?
*** TCovenant leaves #Kevinswatch
*** HotLena4U24239 leaves #Kevinswatch

End Act 1

[iQuestor]

EL! you rock. very original. please, keep going.

[lucimay]

[emotional leper]

(( I just realised I made a huge error in the first act. Corrected in this act.)

Being Act 2

*** TCovenant joins #Mithil_Stonedown
*** HotLena4U24239 joins #Mithil_Stonedown

+Trell> ... WTF?
HotLena4U24239> This is TCovenant, daddy!
@TCovenant> Sup?
+Trell> I can read a bloody chat log, n00b!
@TCovenant> WTF?
*** HotLena4U24239 giggles.
@TCovenant> Like, WTF?
+Trell> OMFG. You brought a n00b home?
@TCovenant> I am never getting this baked again...
HotLena4U24239> I found him in #Kevinswatch
+Trell> ... We are totally fux0red.
@TCovenant> Will someone tell me WTF is going on? One minute I'm minding my own business in #mtv.realworld, and the next there's this guy wanting me to give him a copy of this really crappy movie I got from my ex-, and some guy telling me to take a message to #Revelstone, and it's like, WTF? Can't you just /privmsg someone or something, and you're the one calling me n00b? WTF, mate.
+Atrian> n00b. Quick pulling our chains.
@TCovenant> WTF? I don't know WTF is going on!
+Atrian> You've got Ops!
@TCovenant> No I don't! I don't even know what Ops is!
+Atrian> You've got Ops! It's right there by your name!
@TCovenant> No it isn't!
+Atrian> n00b.
*** Atrian slaps TCovenant with a wet fish!
@TCovenant> Stop that!
*** Atrian slaps TCovenant with a wet fish!
*** Atrian slaps TCovenant with a wet fish!
*** Atrian slaps TCovenant with a wet fish!
@TCovenant> ...
@TCovenant> Listen, can someone just tell me how to get to #Revelstone or something so I can tell these guys they're |own3d?
PRIVMSG HotLena4U24239 to TCovenant> Wanna Cyber? A/S/L?
PRIVMSG TCovenant to HotLena4U24239> WTF? HAX!
*** HotLena4U24239 giggles.

End Act 2

( This is harder than I thought...)

[Edge]

Next installment, please?

[emotional leper]

Next installment, please?

I'll think about it.

[emotional leper]

God. No. I just can't think of a way to make the rape scene funny in any manner that won't get my lynched, either by my readers or my conscience.