dAN & aTOMiC are about to publish a book. We're sorry!

[aTOMiC]

Hello.

I'm very sorry to inform you all that dANdeLION and I are about to publish a book with LULU.
I don't know how to apologize enough for what we're about to do, what we're about to inflict upon the world.

Are there any brave souls among you that would care to help us by reviewing the book (via a pdf file) before we upload the file?

Don't worry. It's only 150 pages or so however we should warn you that you ought to take some kind of pain reliever before attempting this unenviable task.
Just post here or PM dAN if you are interested.

God help you.

[dANdeLION]

You can PM me if you want, but don't expect a freaking reply. I've already mentioned several times in my gradual interview that I am NOT a writer, so I suggest you stay away from whatever tripe it is that Tom has assembled here.


On the other hand, I just read the manuscript and I LOVE IT!!! Towers and Sunshine!!!!!

[aliantha]

More details, please: graphic novel or, like, text?

[aTOMiC]

Unfortunately it's text. A graphic novel would have certainly been easier to digest than the convoluted attempt at comedy that we've cobbled together. I believe that after the joke/pun/theme is revealed the gag loses impact quickly. Kind of like (as dAN points out) reading 10 Xanth books in a row. By the third one you kind of get the idea.
However we've had quite a lot of fun putting all this together and we've spent hours chuckling as we write chapter after chapter. I guess what we're hoping for is that someone will look this over before we make complete fools of ourselves.

Seriously though it's only for a bit of fun and to prove a point to someone.

[dANdeLION]

Oh, there's plenty of graphic parts in that book.

[aliantha]

Oh, there's plenty of graphic parts in that book.

Hmm. I was about to volunteer to proofread -- but after this comment, I'm not so sure I want to....

[aTOMiC]

Dan is being a dink. There's nothing icky in it. Unless you count the book itself.

[matrixman]

aTOMiC and dAN, I'd also be willing to review your book, but how in-depth do you want the review to be?

[aTOMiC]

Well, MM.
All were looking for is a nice one sentence review.
Something like....

"Please don't do anything like this again."
or
"Though I applaud the effort I suggest carpet installation as an alternative."
or
"I found the concept quite interesting and you both are masterful at hiding the fact that you can't write a word."

Something like that. If you are still interested we can email you a copy of the pdf. I plan to upload and publish next week sometime.

[dANdeLION]

Oh, there's plenty of graphic parts in that book.

Hmm. I was about to volunteer to proofread -- but after this comment, I'm not so sure I want to....

There's nothing that would gross you out as a human, or a woman....no, this would gross out the writer in you.

aTOMiC and dAN, I'd also be willing to review your book

Sounds like a clever way of getting a free copy. Too bad free is still too much to pay for it!

[dANdeLION]

Tom asked me to write a dedication for this book; it kind of tells how I see the book, the writing process, and the price of milk in it, so I thought I'd share it with you guys:

Ah, friends; where would we be without them? They cheer us up when we’re down with silly little phrases like “look on the bright side; at least you still have your good hand”. They keep us grounded when we get too cocky with little gems of wisdom like “Yeah? Well I still think you suck!” And sometimes, they get you to reach beyond your self-imposed limits, like Jeff Colby did for me in fourth grade when he coaxed me to not only run our mandatory half mile during P.E., but run it faster than all the other kids in my class.

I assume something like that was Tom’s intention when he sent me an email of the first two paragraphs of “Flower of Doom”, saying he couldn’t find the right way to complete the story. Well, ten years and four hundred and fifty-nine or so paragraphs later, he still hasn’t found a good way to complete his story. But that’s not really the point I’m trying to make here; the point that I don’t think I am, or ever could be a writer, a point to which Tom somewhat vehemently disagrees.

I admit that I do not suffer from a lack of creativity; ideas are the one thing I seem to have in limitless supply. I even suffer from bouts of inspiration semi-periodically. No, what seems to be the real stumbling block here is my utter disdain for the discipline that is absolutely integral to any creative process if one wants the results of said process to bear any kind of fruit. Creativity is somewhat to blame here; just opening my mind to the possibilities of a story all too often takes me away from the story itself, and an imagined scene usually turns itself into another story very rapidly, and I find myself scrapping my original idea for this new idea, which is also doomed to a similar fate the moment I open my mind to it’s thematic possibilities. In short, I seem to suffer from a form of attention deficit disorder. Maybe suffer is too strong a word, as for the most part I enjoy being able to jump from subject to subject in random order almost as good as two neighbouring wives who, meeting each other in a grocery store for the first time in months, end up talking to each other until the milk in each of their carts sours. Which is a shame, because milk just went up almost a buck a gallon! See? I just did it again! Must. Stay. Focussed!

Anyway, the truest way to describe “Flower of Doom” is it was a serious idea of Toms, given to me as a somewhat clever way to get me to write (though apparently he laboured under the false assumption that I had a hard time coming up with ideas). What you’ll see if you’re brave (or stupid) enough to read this book is the constant push of Tom, optimistically dragging me towards the finish line, grinding against the constant pull of me dragging my feet against his wishes, honestly knowing I’m correct, but sometimes wishing I wasn’t. The result is I turned what could have (and undoubtedly should have) been a classic story of good vs. evil into a constant barrage of silly one-liners, puns, horrible poetry, and this, the humble dedication. And here we are, at the end of my little speech; all that’s left id for me to actually dedicate this thing! So, without further ado, I dedicate this poorly executed book (hey, it’s still alive isn’t it? Properly executed stuff stops breathing) to excellent friends like Tom who see the you you always seem to miss

[aTOMiC]

What now you are giving parts of this masterpiece away? Haven't you heard the story about the farmer and the cow?!

[dANdeLION]

What story? Do they know something I don't?

[matrixman]

Ah, The Flower of Doom...brings back warm, joyous memories of the 1st KW Anthology...oh, never mind, wrong memories...

aTOMiC and dAN, I'd also be willing to review your book

Sounds like a clever way of getting a free copy. Too bad free is still too much to pay for it!

But I really would like to read it.

[dANdeLION]

No, you only think you want to.

[aTOMiC]

Ah, The Flower of Doom...brings back warm, joyous memories of the 1st KW Anthology...oh, never mind, wrong memories...

aTOMiC and dAN, I'd also be willing to review your book

Sounds like a clever way of getting a free copy. Too bad free is still too much to pay for it!

But I really would like to read it.

Okay MM. You're on. What email address would you like me to use?

[dANdeLION]

If he were smart, he'd give you Zeph's email addy.

[sgt.null]

has anyone heard from zeph lately?

and i am a-willing to read the masterpiece.

when i buy the damned thing i expect the two of you to sign it.

[dANdeLION]

Yeah, I agree. aTOMiC and Matrixman should sign every copy sold to a Watcher!

[sgt.null]

no, no, no who is matrix?
keanu?
i want me the cowardly lion.
or least a hungry tiger.
tyger burning bright?