((((((kins))))))
I can so relate to your loss .. I love all my animals .. and have buried those that have died .. and it has always wrenched my heart ..
We lost our faithful dog a few years ago .. she had to be put to sleep .. she was in so much pain .. the vet said she really ought to be put down .. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made .. and I hated .. even though I knew it was right
I really feel for you! Our pets are .. our friends!! It would kill me to lose any of those I love!!
Even a stray kangaroo recently was hit by traffic on the road not far from home .. but he was still alive! I dove from the passenger side of our moving vehicle and ran to remove this injured roo from the middle of the road. I am not that big .. and this was a huge roo. I heaved it off the road .. and tried to keep it calm .. while my hubby caught up and rang the rspca .. We waited with this roo for nearly 2 hrs .. stroking it gently and praying it would be ok .. for the rspca officer to arrive .. My hubby tried to move it further from the roads edge .. and couldnt budge it .. I tell you I was operating on just adrenalin

.. and tapped into my dormant superhuman powers

lol
the rspca guy came .. and took one look at it .. and said I'm going to have to put it down!!! I was devastated .. but there was nothing I could do ..

.. I went home and cried my heart out ..
I hate it when anything dies .. but particularly poor defenseless animals .. and more especially those we love as our friends.
my prayers are with you kins .. this is a very great loss .. and I am so very sorry
for what its worth .. i personally believe you will see her again one day .. and she will run to you wagging her tail .. happy to see you too!!