Neighbor's kid scratches your car: WWYD?

[Zarathustra]

I feel like the "get off my lawn" old man caricature. For some reason, our yard is the meeting ground for the cul-de-sac of misfit kids. They come over uninvited, ride their bikes through my driveway. We've had to get progressively less friendly, after they tore up my storm door, backyard toys, and now my CAR!

There's this one kid. Five. He isn't retarded, but he definitely has some kind of genetic disorder (the opinion of a pediatrician who lives next to me, not merely my opinion). He doesn't have enough sense to get out of the road when cars are coming; he stands there and shrieks. Yet, despite this boy's needs, his parents let him play outside in the street unsupervised. At sunset. I don't even let my 7-yr-old do that. We watch our kids. We don't let them run amok on neighbors' yards without permission.

Anyway, the father of this kid won't even fix his training-wheeled bike. The handlebars flop over, completely loose. He even asked me how to fix it, and I looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Tighten it up." But he's too lazy to do that, so he continued to let his genetic-disorder 5-yr-old ride unsupervised in the street on a bike with floppy handlebars. Dad of the Year material, here.

So, the kid was in my driveway, uninvited. I was inside, and had no idea he was even out there. Other neighborhood kids witness him putting a DEEP gouge in my car with his floppy handlebar bike. There ain't no buffing this one out. It's huge. Down to the metal.

After they tell me, I march over to his dad's house and inform him what happened. His dad doesn't apologize. He doesn't offer to pay for my car to get fixed. Instead, he seems mystified how it could happen. So I explain that he's a lazy jerk who never watches his kids, doesn't take care of his child's needs, and through his own negligence allows his children to damage my property. Still no reaction. No apology. No offer. In fact, his wife gets mad that when I insist that they take care of their child, and never allow him in my yard again.

Next day, he's playing in the street again, by himself, no parent in site. And I've got a gigantic gouge in my car that will probably start rusting if I don't pay to get it fixed soon.

I'm pissed. But I still feel kind of bad telling the guy what a shitty father he is. Now it's kind of uncomfortable in the neighborhood. He lives right across from me. But as soon as I start feeling a little guilty, I look at the gigantic scratch in my car, and remember that he never even apologized or offered to get it fixed.

So, how would you guys have handled this? What would you do from here?

[JazFusion]

I would have told them to their faces to start watching their f-ing kid before he gets hit by a car. I really could care less what they would think of me as a parent. ANY parent not spending any sort of time with their kid is guilty of neglect. And it seems like they really just don't care, which would piss me off more than the gouge in the car (although I would be pretty pissed about that, too).

Personally, if it were me and their son did something like that again, I would threaten to tell the cops or CPS or something. I feel bad for the kid, but he can't go around damaging others' property like that without consequence.

[Zarathustra]

Jazfusion (very cool name, btw), you can't tell it from my post, but I actually am more upset about the parents not taking care of the kids than the scratch in my car. Really. My car is 8 years old. That's not the first scratch. But to me it is indicative of how indifferent this parent is, that he feels such little responsibility for his son, that he isn't even phased when his kid wrecks into my car and damages it.

Yes, you are absolutely right: the biggest outrage is that he doesn't watch his kid. And that's exactly why I didn't demand any money, but instead demanded that he take care of his kid (those were actually our last words).

There's a lot of history here, involving several parents on our block. I won't bore you with the details. But with this particular set of parents, a social worker actually approached them offering to help them get the aid they need for their child . . . and the parents got pissed off that anyone would suggest that something was wrong with their kid. They are in major denial. There is no helping them.

So yes, my anger towards them has been building for a while, how negligent they are. And when their negligence boiled over into damage to my property, that's when I finally exploded and said something. I know, that sounds really selfish. I'd have to explain months worth of neighborhood history (and several other examples of property damage from other kids) to give you the full picture. This isn't the first time we've had to confront parents about not supervising their kids.

I really am fed up with negligent parents.

[JazFusion]

Yeah, it sounds like a really sad situation for everyone. I was abused as a kid, so that kind of stuff hits close to home. I come unglued when I see kids getting treated badly or neglected.

It sounds like there's not much else you can do, which is so unfortunate for that little boy.

[Cameraman Jenn]

You are well within your rights to be angry and speak your mind and I hope it helps. I also hope you didn't yell at him. People tend to shut down when being attacked with yelling.

[Lord Mhoram]

I would have told him to pay me. Now. But I wouldn't say shit about his parenting skills. That would needlessly worsen the situation and is pretty irrelevant besides. I scratched a neighbor's car by accident with my bike when I was little, and I was neither unsupervised nor "genetic-disordered."

[Worm of Despite]

So yes, my anger towards them has been building for a while, how negligent they are. And when their negligence boiled over into damage to my property, that's when I finally exploded and said something. I know, that sounds really selfish.

I like kids but I'm like Mr. Hyde if they start doing stupid crap. That kid would have a "no access" sign stamped in his retina whenever he viewed my yard. I think you did the right thing, calling out a shitty parent.

[Cail]

Right or wrong, if you'd talked to me about my kid that way, you would have carried some of your teeth home in your hand.

The parents certainly sound like they have issues, but that's none of your damn business unless you have suspicions or evidence that the kid's being abused.

Your car, your property; that's what you have some say about. If it were me, I would have walked over to their house and asked for their insurance information. If they hadn't supplied it, I would have immediately called the police and filed a report.

[Zarathustra]

Well, we're certainly getting a mix of responses, from the kid being the most important issue, to the car being the only real issue I have a say in.

Right or wrong, if you'd talked to me about my kid that way, you would have carried some of your teeth home in your hand.

I assume you're a good parent, so if someone talked to you about your kid that way, they'd be lying or exaggerating. I can sympathize with that. But what if you actually were a bad father, and that manifested itself in property damage? You'd really hit someone for pointing that out to you?

I didn't literally tell the guy he's a shitty father (though, that was the implication). I didn't yell at him (though I was visibly angry). I explained how it happened: his kid was biking in my yard unsupervised at dusk. And then (since we could see his kid still in my yard--after I told him to get out), I pointed to him and said, "go take care of your kid." By that I meant two things: go get him out of my yard, and literally, he should start taking care of him.

I don't really think that deserves a violent response.

[JazFusion]

Right or wrong, if you'd talked to me about my kid that way, you would have carried some of your teeth home in your hand.

The parents certainly sound like they have issues, but that's none of your damn business unless you have suspicions or evidence that the kid's being abused.

Your car, your property; that's what you have some say about. If it were me, I would have walked over to their house and asked for their insurance information. If they hadn't supplied it, I would have immediately called the police and filed a report.

Usually I would agree in that most parents don't have any right to tell others how to raise their kids. But neglect is a form of abuse. If the parents are inside while their 5 year old son is out playing in the street by himself, that is certainly neglect. It's the parents' job to take care of their children, and if they are willing to put their son's life in danger, I think other parents in the neighborhood have the right to call them out on shitty parenting.

It just really irks me that people don't get involved. I remember going to school with bruises on my legs the size of fists and no one said a word. No teacher EVER asked me if something was happening at home, and me being a 5 year old girl getting told by my stepfather that he'd kill me if I ever told anyone, I kept my mouth shut.

IMHO, I think Malik was in the right.

[lurch]

Interesting situation...interesting responses, and alot of history...uuum. okay the car is 8 yrs old..the kid is 5 and the parents should know better and appear non responsive to suggestions and offered help. The car is beyond help, the parents are ..unfortunately stuck in their ways,,so that leaves You and the Kid,,,Have you talked to the kid?...I mean..just talked to him.. Good afternoon,,hey thats a neat bike ya got there..etc..Give the kid some kind of support or structure around him so he knows what kind of social world he exits in.. His parents are just cutting him free,, to do as he pleases,, and of course,, the kid has no idea what hes dealing with..Okay, i'm not there, I don't know..even if he has physical evidence of being.. genetically challenged...extending yourself to shape the situation positively for you and the kid may be possible with some positive towards the kid. I don't know, but it can't hurt. Of course hes not your kid,,not your responsibility....but ahhmmm..maybe that busted window,, or flat tire..or even fite between kids that waits to happen several months or several years from now,,can be averted with actions taken today. His parents don't seem to be capable of the idea,,and maybe have given up on the youngster. A 5year old is too young to give up on.....

[danlo]

You should have filed a police report and called Child Protective Services-if this kid puts his life in danger as you say this constitutes as child abuse, neglect, reckless endangerment and unacceptable parenting skills. If you and your neighbors come forward as witnesses they should come and take the kid away to better care. If they're as lazy and neglectful as say they need a serious wake up call--and it is possible for them to get the kid back from CPS over time if take full responsibility, take parenting classes and sober up. You should sue them for all the damages this kid has caused.

[Queeaqueg]

Headbutt him then make him pay up

[Mortice Root]

Jazfusion wrote

Usually I would agree in that most parents don't have any right to tell others how to raise their kids. But neglect is a form of abuse. If the parents are inside while their 5 year old son is out playing in the street by himself, that is certainly neglect. It's the parents' job to take care of their children, and if they are willing to put their son's life in danger, I think other parents in the neighborhood have the right to call them out on shitty parenting.

Yes, I agree. If you want any compensation for your property, filing a police report is the way to go, but it really doesn't sound like that's your major concern. If you're concerned that these parents are putting their child at risk (and I think that allowing a five year old (delayed or not) to play in and around the street unsupervised is putting them at risk) than you certainly can call social service/CPS. In this situation, I think I would, especially seeing as there will likely be no change in the parent's behavior, and this isn't a one time occurence. The alternative is to simply hope that nothing bad happens to the kid. I would imagine that if a report is filed, CPS would not only interview yourself and the parents but hopefully other neighbors as well. They ought to be able to get a pretty clear picture from that, and hopefully be able to educate the parents involved or take steps to keep the child safe.

I recognize that doing that (filing a report) is only going to worsen the neighborhood drama, and that can go badly. And I think you can file an anonymous report, but with recent events, it'd probably wouldn't take a rocket scientist for the parents to figure out who it was. Not knowing these folks, I'm not sure if there would be any risk of retaliation, but that's certainly something you'd want to think about as well.

Good luck.

(edit to add)Something else to think about as well. By calling CPS, you're not making an accusation of neglect, but rather, reporting a suspicion of it. CPS then makes the actual determination. Maybe it's semantics, but it helps me to think about it that way.

[Kil Tyme]

If you see a negligent parent with a troubled kid, then I believe it is our (society/community/block's) responsibility for the wellfare of that kid, so I agree with danlo's post.

[Cail]

Fair enough Mal, I got the impression that you cocked off to him and started calling him names...Good for you for not doing so.

Neglect is abuse, but good luck proving it unless the kid's unwashed and malnourished. I still say you should have called the police and filed a report for your car.....and then let them determine whether or not a call to CPS was required.

But whether or not you think it's worthwhile, a police report is mandatory, especially if you think this guy may cause problems for you in the future.

[sgt.null]

i agree with cail. call the police, explain it all to them. they can observe and if they feel it is necessary they can call cps. we had kids throwing stuff in our yard, we believed at our dog. found a bb in the window. called the police - they read the neighbor's kids the riot act in front of their parents. that family moved out soon after - no further problems.

[Reisheiruhime]

You should have filed a police report and called Child Protective Services-if this kid puts his life in danger as you say this constitutes as child abuse, neglect, reckless endangerment and unacceptable parenting skills. If you and your neighbors come forward as witnesses they should come and take the kid away to better care. If they're as lazy and neglectful as say they need a serious wake up call--and it is possible for them to get the kid back from CPS over time if take full responsibility, take parenting classes and sober up. You should sue them for all the damages this kid has caused.

Before you do that, however, consider that CPS can be one of the worst things you can do to a kid... any good things the kid is taught, eg, respect, appreciation, hygiene, etc... are almost immediately lost upon its return to the parent and the child regresses into a hellion approximately twice as bad as before... also, the parent learns to lie better, as the majority of getting your kid back is playing mindgames with the caseworkers and convincing them to work in your favor... im in foster care now because my dad went off to iraq and left me with no legal guardian, which in the state of GA constitutes neglect... i've seen this play over and over with the various kids that have come along here... my foster mom will train them into decent human beings and right about when we're almost ready to call em people, the get sent home... we see them in ingles or bilo a week later, screaming and ordering the parent around, and the parent slapping the living hell out of them... it's not going to be a good system until there are some major reforms...

So yeah. Don't do that.

Now, as to what you should do about the scratch and the kid... Fix the damage, ask the guy to pay for the damage his kid did, in full or in part... And get a dog. A large dog. Or perhaps a nek - they have big teeth. Make sure YOUR dog stays in YOUR yard. If the kid happens to pedal into the creature's territory... I hear children are nutritous, full of protien and lipids.

[High Lord Tolkien]

You know, theres a part of me that wants to say that it was your fault because the father asked you for your help to fix the handlebars and you refused....it's like Spiderman, basically your car is Uncle Ben.


"Good fences make good neighbors"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"

Sorry, but they both apply to this story.
You confronted the parents directly.
That's probably more than most people would do.
Kids five, isolated incident, parents should have taken responsibility, they didn't.......your f#cked.
Sounds like it will more trouble trying to get any money from them than the cost to fix the car.

I once had a neighbor's kid toss a rock through my kitchen window.
I confronted the father, he denied it was his kid, even though we saw him do it and.....we let it go.
It still pisses me off a little.
That family has been dead to us.
But we never had any more trouble from them either.

[Ki]

I know that part of the reason why Malik didn't fix the kid's handlebar is b/c these are people who will take advantage of us and they already have by leaving their little boy outside unsupervised except they know we are out there for our own kids and therefore will look out for him too. I can't tell you the number of times I have saved either him or his damn bike from being run over in the middle of the street.

And, just have to tell you that Malik generally helps the kids in our neighborhood. He's helped fill numerous bicycle tires with air, given H20...etc.