Moderators: kevinswatch, Orlion
well uhh, THIS film the one I'll send to some producer {speilberg perhaps??} to look at and offer me a trillion dollar contract... !what film?
But I want to pass it along to you guys... for critique as I go along. I may forget something or overlook or you folks may have a better way a scene maybe played.Ohhh THAT film
Heh. That works.Seafoam Understone wrote:Thanks to Sly...
that worry me. Folks that just hang out and don't say one word. There are some here that (nameless) that I will trust because our character shows through via our posts. The easy banter and jokes that go on (which I love) tells me that there are more good than bad folks here. Maybe I'm being naive... 
It is the town as I've imagined it. Stereotyped small town much like Mayberry or some other obscure place. Interesting is that I yet to find the name of the town anywhere... but I am delving deeper into the books than ever before.(Title sequence)
Screen is dark at first, lightening to a greyish tone blending into a white which reveals itself as clouds suspended in a beautiful clear blue sky. POV moves down through a break in the clouds to a broad view of rolling green hill sides dotted by trees. Camera sweeps down and follows the contour of the hills for a long moment before racing up a large hillside to the crest showing a huge valley with mountains faint on the left side of the screen and more visible on the right hand side. Dominating the mountains on the right is a tall spire of grey stone standing by itself, jutting from a steep rocky crag. As the camera arcs towards this spire and moves closer we can disconcert details of the stone and eventually a spiraling staircase winds around from the summit to the base. The camera moves towards the summit rising upwards and we see that the top is a flatten circle with a low wall around it’s edges except for an opening which is the top of the spiral stairway. And we notice a single figure lying prone on the stone floor. The camera races towards the figure, he is gaunt and ragged and his expression is one of confused fright as if he is imprisoned there on the stone floor of the towering rock formation, unable to move. The camera zooms closer to the figure until it stops and his eyes are filling the screen.
Camera then slowly zooms back and we see the eyes are no longer filled with fright or confusion instead they’re set and determined as the face which now fills the screen as the camera continues it’s slow zoom out. The face looks the same as we saw it on the rock formation, as are the clothes he wears but this time he is upright and standing. Camera pans back to reveal the man standing on a porch of a house.
POV the man’s hands as it roams up and down his body over his clothes as if searching for something. (*we know it as TC's VSE*)
POV the man standing on the porch finishing his self-examination. He reaches into a shirt pocket and pulls out an envelope, we don’t see the writing but he looks at it for a long moment then folds the envelope and puts it back in his pocket. Then nods to himself and steps off the porch.
POV the man walking away from his house and down his driveway, camera pans back further to show the house and we see that it’s a large dwelling centered on a farm. There is a long driveway leading from a circular parking area following a split rail fence. This is Haven Farm the man’s home. There is no car in the driveway and the farm looks deserted save for the solitary figure walking away from the porch and down the driveway.
POV behind the man walking down a gravel road. Trees lined on either side, it’s a beautiful country road and we can see that it is spring with some trees budding new flowers and we hear birds chirping. The man walks on as the camera moves up and away from him showing the gravel road intersecting with a highway. Camera moves even higher to show a town on one end of the highway. It’s a typical small town in rural America. Camera moves up away from the idyllic scene and back into the clouds for the remainder of the opening credits.
POV The man walking down a sidewalk in the town. His gait makes him seem drunk and disoriented as if he’s not aware of his surroundings or where he’s going or who he may run into.
POV behind the man walking on the street. A small boy playing with a toy on the sidewalk in front of a store is oblivious that he’s about to be stepped on. From the doorway a woman steps out and looks to her left seeing the man about to reach her son. Her eyes widen in recognition and faster than a hawk she sweeps down on her son picking him up, causing him to drop his toy with a cry of dismay and steps them both out of the man’s path. The man walks past without even turning his head and as he passes the woman hisses angrily at him.
Frightened Mother: Go away! Get out of here! You ought to be ashamed! You freak!”
POV front of the man as he walks determined to his destination. Camera rises above him still following but giving us a view of the place, the town he is in. We can see that it is a stereotypical small town. With a square and a bandstand in the middle. Streets line all four sides of the square and shops and businesses line the outer edges of the street with late model cars pulling in and out of parking spaces and folks spaced here and there along the sidewalks in front of the shops. We see the frightened mother still railing at the man as he walks away, the shop keeper comes out and the woman points at him angrily. As the man walks towards his destination people that he meets along the way move away from him trying to distance themselves from him as far as possible without trying to seem frightened, as if this man has a horrible contagious disease.
Thanks, I've written some more now at the point where Foul has just delivered his message to TC and deposited him on top of KW.Landwaster wrote:"don't touch me" can be used in the copyright info
Great start. Love it!
Couplah things of interest.
a) I thought the KW steps were just straight up the one slightly up side of KW. It leans vaguely outward, from memory, and the steps are straight. Perhaps you're embellishing?
b) I had always envisaged TC walking down the the street with the road on his right. you;ve got it on his left (mother looks out doorway and looks to left to see TC). No error, just difference of our own imaginations.
c) The town is not named in any of the books, from memory. The idea is allow it to be anyplace, anywhere, I presume.
d) When will you unveil "the hand"?!
amanibhavam writes: I'd drop a "Don't touch me" in there as a hallmark of TC
He will, he will... In fact it's his first line when the old man grabs him to keep him from falling... remember that he bumps into someone and only catches a sight of ocher (red) color and notices a hand grabbing his sleeve. There he says "Don't touch me!" 
more snippets to come, especially a departure but necessary one from Foul delivering his message. You'll see... Hope that was self explanatory...POV it is day light outside. In a beautiful glade of shade trees and tall grass in the shadow of the stone spire towering high above. A beautiful blonde girl no more than 16 years of age is wandering between the trees looking for something in the tall grass. She spies something that we don’t see and with a smile bends down and picks it up. From our vantage point we cannot see what it is but it seems to please the girl and she places it in a basket that she carries.
Suddenly a noise like Thunder booms and she stops and looks up in startled surprise. She turns her gaze to the sound and we follow her gaze to the base of the stone spire and follow it up. The spire’s summit is clear one moment then a greyish cloud breaks out over the edges and hovers there. Bolts of black and white lightning lash out from the cloud at intervals.
POV - CU of the girl staring up at the cloud in wonder.
POV behind the girl as she stares up for a moment then walks towards the base of the spire.
POV on Covenant sitting nearly upright on his elbow, he thinks it over for a moment then scowls back at the still unseen voice.
Covenant: Forget it!
POV Black power blasts from nowhere and knocks Covenant back flat on the stone floor, the blackness rolls over his white mist covering but the strength is too great for him to resist. Now we see above Covenant the hooded figure of Lord Foul as it steps towards him. Under the cowl of the hood the face is still dark but eyes of red blood and fire shines from within.
Foul: (voice booming with anger) FOOL! I do not take or eschew action at your bidding. And I will not forget this. I see that your pride is offended by my contempt. Groveler I will teach you the true meaning of contempt before I am done. But now that does not serve my purpose. Soon I will be strong enough to wrest the wild magic from you and then you will learn to your cost that my contempt is without limit, my desires bottomless.
POV Foul steps closer to Covenant and points down at him.
Also during writing I felt that Foul needed to be given a shape instead of just two red glowing eyes staring down at Covenant while he cowers and is berated by Foul's voice. Thus at one point I have Foul step out of the blackness that surrounded the white mist (wild-magic which preserved TC) and he's in a black hooded robe and the only thing you can see of his face is the fiery red eyes. His towering presence should give reason as to why TC is so intimidated. Am not sure if I should give Foul a more corporeal body i.e. a hand that points down at TC or an empty sleeve that points in his direction. It is necessary (again) that audience have a frame of reference... remember as someone here said about movies to fill the imagination for us. 
lolForestal wrote: on another note, about the feedback... what better place get feedback on a TC script? dont forget to put the watch in the credits
Of that you can be sure. I've never been one to hog all the limelight... in fact hate it. My own psych profile says so as well (job-hunting seminars give out these tests to help find specific work related needs). 
*blink-blink* oh where was I? oh... yah for sure, ya'll be included in the credits. No problems
