Joke de jeur or however that's spelled...

[Seafoam Understone]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the
morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, grumbling he gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still
there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing"

[hierachy]

indeed, har har har har har (never heard a worse joke) heh heh heh, brilliant (rubbish)

[[Syl]]

Then do better.

[hierachy]

ok, I will.


eerrrm.....uh huh,....no.

ok, point taken; nice joke Seafome

[Forestal]

a joke very suited to a giant, a long one lol

still funny tho good one.

[Seafoam Understone]

Danke', gracias, domo arigato. Actually I was hoping that at least someone would post one a day... <shrugs> I dunno... I think I should've made that clearer???
I'll dig into my files and find anuther one. It's anybody's ballgame.

[Skyweir]

LOL that is a good one

i've heard it before .. but its a classic lols

I love jokes but can never remember them

keep em coming lol

[Fist and Faith]

Husband: How about a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

[[Syl]]

Hmmm. This one strays a little bit into the blue, but...

An old man is sitting out on his porch one day when a young boy comes walking down the road with a roll of chicken wire in his hands. The old man says to the boy, "Boy, what ya doin' with that there chicken wire?"

The boy says, "I'm goin' to catch me some chickens."

The old man says, "Boy, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."

The boy says, "We'll see, old man. We'll see." About an hour later the boy comes walking back the other way, a chicken under each arm. The old man scratches his head.

The next day, the same boy comes walking down the road with a roll of duct tape. The old man says, "Hey, boy, what you doin' with that duct tape?"

The boy says, "I'm gonna catch me some ducks."

The old man says, "Now I don't know how ya caught them chickens, but you can't catch no ducks with duct tape."

The boy says, "We'll see, old man. We'll see." About an hour later the boy comes walking back, a duck under each arm. Now the old man is really perplexed.

The next day, the boy comes walking down the road, carrying a bunch of pussy willows. The old man says, "Wait right there, son. I gotta grab my hat."

[Skyweir]

lol .. arghh .. i dont get it lol sorry syl .. maybe there's an americanism i dont get

.. haha .. Heres a riddle: .. lol .. whats worse telling a joke .. or explaining it?

are you sure you got that last line right LOL

.......

Husband: How about a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

rofl .. lol

[[Syl]]

chicken wire - catches chickens
duct tape - catches ducks
pussy willow - catches... well, I'm not sure if they use this slang in Australia

I'll try this one instead...

Three guys die. They show up in heaven. St. Peter looks at them and says, "Alright, I've had a really bad day, none of you have been that great, so here's how it's going to be. Tell me about how you died, and whoever was having the worst day will get to come in."

So the first guy says, "Ok, picture this. I have this feeling my wife's been cheating on me, so I decide to come home from work early and try to catch her. Well, I get home and she's sitting in bed wearing lingerie. I get really mad and start looking around the house for the guy. I look everywhere - the closets, under the bed, and all that. I'm just about to give up when I look out on our balcony and there's the guy, hanging from the ledge of our 13th story apartment building. I go out there and start stomping on his hands and yelling at him. He lets go and falls 13 stories... and lands in some bushes! I'm so mad I go back in the house, unplug the refrigerator, and push it over the edge. It hits him and kills him. I'm so upset over everything, I killed myself. Here I am."

St. Peter looks at him and says, "Ok, that's a bad day. What about you?"

The next guy says, "Ok, picture this. I just bought this brand new work out tape. I put it in the VCR, I'm doing the steps and all that, when it tells you to do this turn, clap, jump move. I lose my balance and go stumbling out my balcony door, falling over the railing. But I manage to grab on to the rail below mine. I'm just about to pull myself up when this guy comes out and starts yelling at me and stomping on my hands. I can't take it, and I let go, falling 13 stories. I land in some bushes, though. I can't believe my luck. I look up... and see a refrigerator."

St. Peter looks at him and says, "Ok, that's a pretty bad day. What about you?"

The last guy says, "Ok, picture this. I'm naked. I'm in a refrigerator."

[CovenantJr]

LOL...I like that one!

[The Leper Fairy]

Ok ok.. I'm a little hesistant about posting this joke... it's my favorite one even though I heard it first when I was too little too understand it...

But I don't want anyone to get offended and then mad at me or anything...

So I'll make it a spoiler and maybe it really isn't that bad... but still.

Spoiler

Ok, so a mom is making a cake for her triplet boys and she runs out of flour and she doesn't have time to go get some. She searches everywhere for a substitute and finally, exasperated, just dumps in a box of BBs. The triplets eat the cake and don't mention that anything is wrong with it. But the next day the 1st son comes up and says "Mom... I pissed a BB." So the mom acts surpised and says "Wow... I have NO idea how that could've happened... but I'm sure you'll be alright." Later the 2nd son comes up to her and says the same thing. Again the mother acts surprised and denies knowing what's wrong. Even later the last son comes up and the mom stops him before he can say anything, "Let me guess, you pissed a BB?"

"No, I was jacking of in the corner and I shot the cat!"

Ok, was that a little much? I hope not... Hehehe.

[Fist and Faith]

Oh, if I had a dime for every cat I killed!!

Here's another.

The convent is being entirely redocerated. New paint, rugs, the works. Two nuns are assigned to paint the big dining hall. The Mother Superior warns them though: "I don't want to see any paint on your habits! Not a speck! So you'd better be careful!"

So the two nuns are trying to figure out how to avoid getting any paint on their habits. Finally they figure they'll lock the doors, and paint in the nude. They can just throw their clothes on quickly if anyone needs to get in. Seems like a good plan.

After a bit, there's a knock. The nuns are a little worried as they ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man."

They think for a minute, and figure, where's the harm in a blind man being in the room when they're naked. So they don't bother dressing, open the door for the man, re-lock it, and begin painting again. And the man says, "Nice boobs. Where do you want these blinds?"

[Forestal]

theres these 3 guys, sightseeing in some foreign country, what they dont know is, taking photographs is illegal.

so these 3 men are walking along, taking photographs, with the locals wide mouthed, without knowing why...

when suddenly, the police turn up and arrest them all...

some time later, the 3 men are sitting in their cells looking out over a large enclosure, with 3 large posts imbedded in the ground...

at this point a small man opens the flap in the door and announces that they will all be shot at dawn...

the 3 men confer, and lo-and-behold one of them has an idea... keeping it quiet they talk it over and agree on it.

so dawn comes... and the door opens, as 1 of the men is taken out to the posts and he stands infront of it...

a man in black walks over to him and asks matter-of-factly "do you want a blindfold?", to which our man replies "no, i want to die like a man", and at this the man in black leaves.

out march the firing squad and take up positions. the sqaud leader stands to the side and shouts "ready!"... "aim!"...

at this point our man lifts his arm and points behiond the firing squad and yells "tidal wave!!!!"... as the squad turns to look, he turns and jumps over the wall and runs away to freedom...

his mouth dropping open, the squad leader calls for the next prisoner, and the same process is repeated, this man also refusing a blindfold...

"ready!".."aim!"..

the man points behind the squad and yells "tornado!!", and as the squad turns to look, he also leaps over the wall.

the squad leader, at this point, very angry yells for the last prisoner... as he is lead out, the same process is done, and the man also refuses the blindfold...

"ready!"..."aim!"..

the man points behind the squad and screams at the top of his lungs "FIRE!!!!"

[The Leper Fairy]

That's the first time I've heard that joke without it being a brunette a redhead and a blonde... very nice

[Fist and Faith]

TLF, that comment was funnier than Forestal's joke! lol

[Forestal]

lol, i heard that joke years and years ago, i was like 6 at the time, i think its amazing that i managed to remember it all this time! lol...

[Skyweir]

Oh, if I had a dime for every cat I killed!!

but .. mmm ... ewwww

[Mistweave]

Like Skyweir I can never remember jokes - except short silly ones!

Why did the punk cross the road?


He had a chicken stapled to his ear.