Shit of the Dead

[High Lord Tolkien]

Something I wrote back in 2004.
Enjoy!

Shit of the Dead
(9-Dec-2004)

I woke up to the sound of brakes screeching and my body moving forward as the truck I was in came to a sudden halt.

There were at least 30 of us jammed in the back of an Army transport vehicle. I was one of the last ones picked up.

Literally picked up!

Less than a day ago, my wife Mary and I had just walked out of a Wal-Mart where we were stocking up on food and supplies when the UnDead swarmed into the parking lot.

I thought we could still make it to our car but the people outside panicked and ran back towards the store in the opposite direction cutting us off. It was like swimming upstream against them.

When our cart was overturned and I judged that the Dead would reach our car before we could, I grabbed Mary’s hand and joined the school of fish heading back to the store.

But they locked the doors!

Those Wal-Mart bastards locked the doors!!

We all stood there dumbfounded until the screaming began behind us.

The Dead were jumping into the crowds trying to get at the Living.

They were biting and tearing the flesh right off those poor people.

Still holding Mary’s hand I raced along the outside of the building running blindly with no idea what to do or where to go.

My mind was racing thinking back to the news reports over the last few days.

There were endless “safe zones” and “shelters,” mentioned but I couldn’t remember any of them.

I lost Mary’s hand but heard her say to keep running so I did.

When I reached the woods at the end of the parking lot I looked back for Mary and saw her on the ground.

She had tripped and 3 of those Dead things were almost on top of her.

I started to run back but knew I’d be too late.

The sun was setting but I could see it all clearly.

I heard her scream my name as they tore her apart.

And I just stood there.

My mind had shut off.

I just watched as I saw my wife’s right leg get literally ripped off her and then gnawed on by 2 inhuman monsters.

Within moments there were over 10 UnDead tearing her apart and 3 more racing towards me.

I remember thinking in a detached kind of way if there would be anything left of Mary to become Undead herself.

The closest one was about ten feet away from me now. I couldn’t move. It was missing one of its eyes, its left arm was twisted so backwards as to be almost useless and, like most of the Dead, it was covered in blood.

Then I heard a gunshot and the things head just goddamn exploded!

The same thing happened to the other two.

A roar of a truck sounded behind me and I was grabbed and hauled into the back.

Soon I was taken with the other survivors to a “safe house”.

It was just a high school gym.

Made sense to me though. The school was totally fenced in and it had the facilities to handle large crowds.

There were military men of all types walking around.

I even saw some Navy guys!

We were more than several days drive away from any Navel base.

I knew then that we were screwed.

They took my name and asked where I was from and then added me to a list.

I was offered coffee and something to eat that I readily took.

I hadn’t eaten since early yesterday morning.

Mary and I had already fortified our house last week when could see all hell braking loose but we thought we were too low on supplies to last more than a week.

And when it looked apparent that this “plague” would last a lot longer than a week we made a mad dash to Wal-Mart while it was still possible.

We saw the town implode as we drove through it and wondered if we’d be able to make it back.

The Wal-Mart was in a “safe” area of the city but if you looked at it on a map you could see that “infection” zones were slowly surrounding it.

I shook my head and looked around the gym.

It was pretty noisy.

There were hurt people all around me lying on makeshift beds.

Some were wrapped in bandages but most were just crying in horror.

I didn’t blame them.

I was sure that when I had time to reflect on what I had seen happen to Mary I’d be a mental case too.

When they brought a woman into my section that had a gash on her forehead and her leg was all bandaged up but still bleeding I offered my seat and went to find a restroom.

As I looked at her I felt a chill run down my back. I was trying to think...what caused the Living to become the Undead? Just bite wounds? Or was it non-treated bite wounds? I don't think the newsman on the radio was sure himself.

I nodded my head to a man already at a urinal as I walked by and made my way to the toilet.

With all the horrible news this week I was a total stress case.

I hadn’t had a bowel movement in several days and now it felt like it was going to make up for the lack of release.

I dropped my pants and sat down.

The seat was loose and made a high-pitched squeak but my ass soon made a louder noise though.

Yeah, this was going to be a big one.

I was probably going to be 5lbs lighter by the end of it!

Just as soon as I pinched off my first mega-loaf I heard screaming from outside the bathroom.

I couldn’t believe it!

No fucking way.

I had just sat down.

I wasn’t even close to being done.

Then I heard the bathroom door open hard and bang against the wall as two men fell to the ground.

I could see them fighting through the space between the stall door and wall.

The man at the bottom was the same man I had just nodded to when I walked in.

The “man” on top of him was chewing at the poor bastards throat!

They shifted and went out of my sight but I could still hear the chewing and gurgling sounds.

Then it got silent and then I saw a small stream of blood running down the drain in the floor by my feet.

I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

If I moved it would hear me and this stall wasn’t keeping anything living or dead out for long.

I just sat still as a mouse.

My mind raced with the different scenarios.

If I stood up I would only have a few seconds before it would come after me but I HAD to pull up my pants and button them up or they’d fall around my ankles and trip me up.

I heard the UnDead guy stand up.

But his victim or “meal” didn’t.

So I only had one to deal with. That was good.

My stomach started to cramp with gas pains though.

I really had to cut one loose soon.

Luckily the gas shifted and went up my side.

It hurt like hell but didn’t make any noise.

The bathroom was so quiet I could have heard a pin drop.

The Dead bastard was at the exit door.

I could hear him making a moaning noise and then heard some banging.

It took me a few minutes before I realized that he was trying to get out but couldn’t figure out how to use the door!

Meanwhile my gut was going to blow.

My anal ass-gas pressure was out of control.

Just as I cut one I was saved from discovery from the noise from the overhead-venting fan as it started up.

If I dared, I would have sighed in relief.

By now the Dead bastard was pounding the exit door hard and making a lot of noise so I proceeded to finish my bowel movement with a little more ease.

Soon I was all “shitted out” and I was right, I did feel 5lbs lighter.

Now, to wipe or not to wipe? That was the question.

I remembered that the seat squeaked so I rose slightly using just my legs and cleared my ass from the toilet.

I prayed for the minimum number of necessary wipes and was surprisingly rewarded in this arguably God-forsaken time.

My pants were soon buckled and I was ready to make my move.

The stall door opened outward so I hoped that once I got this things attention I could use the door to push it out of the way away from the exit as I ran for my escape. All I needed was a check on where that killed urinal guy's body was. I didn’t want to trip over it. So I opened the stall door just a bit and peaked out.

And son-of-a-bitch! The urinal guy’s severed head started screaming at me!

The other Dead guy must have chewed clean through his neck.

I was out of the un-dead head’s limited range of vision until I opened the door.

I was so startled that the "genius" Dead guy by the door almost had time to grab me before I shut the stall door.

I knew I had only seconds left so I followed my plan.

With a mighty heave I pushed forward and the UnDead guy went flying down on the floor deeper into the men's room.

I jumped over the Urinal guy’s body and raced out the exit yelling for help.

I soon stopped in my tracks under a basketball hoop when I saw the reason for the lack of outside noise.

Everyone in the gym was one of the UnDead.

At least 40 of them rose from their feasting and rushed me.

If I could have, I would have shit myself.

- THE END -

[StevieG]

Brilliant! I felt I was there on the crapper!