If you look at the memberlist, there are relatively few people that have been here longer than I have. Fewer of those are still around, and of those, only a couple as active as I was. And considering that I don't post nearly as often as I used to or in nearly as many forums, that's saying something. You could probably write a pretty good research paper on why people join message boards and why they leave or stay.
For me, it was rather fun for a long time. Maybe not often much of a "whee!" kind of fun, but being able to share my thoughts had value, both in helping me to order and refine those thoughts and in a kind of ego gratificiation. And I have a pretty big ego. Even after it wasn't that much fun, I still had a sense of investment in the site. Pride and obligation. I mean, hell, if you're going to do something for ten years, why stop?
Maybe because if after ten years you're just not feeling it, why put the effort into it? I don't really lose anything I want by leaving. I have my memories, and there are better ways to keep in touch with the friends I've made over the years. There wasn't MySpace when I started here, much less Facebook or whatever the next incarnation might be.
Some have thought it was the Tank that made me quit, but it really wasn't. I was thinking about leaving months before, had actually taken a couple of fairly long breaks (for me) that nobody really noticed. But when Av asked me if I wanted to moderate the forum, I saw it as a challenge. It kept me interested. And while I wouldn't say it was a complete success or I brought my idea of the perfect Tank into fruition, I think it was worth it. Was it frustrating? Did I occasionally want to pull my hair out, or figuratively choke some posters, or just ban people for annoying me? Absolutely, but Tankers live on that. Was temporarily closing the forum by kicking everyone from the group entirely unlike grabbing a beer in each hand and popping the emergency chute? Nope, can't say it was.
Truth be known, I was just about done responding to a PM from a Tanker in which I was justifying some action I took when I realized it was so much bullshit. Not that I didn't think what I did was right, just that I really didn't care or believe in it the way I should. And if I don't care, I very well could end up being the petty tyrant some people think I am. Better to quit and hope some of the positive change I have effected will continue into its next incarnation.
A quick word of advice to the Tankers, though: for almost as long as there's been a Hile Troy's Think Tank, there have been people who say it should be closed. I've always held that it has a lot of value to the Watch and even more potential, that the failings of a few shouldn't be held against the many (figuratively speaking. I may have my disagreements with some people, but I don't think any overall problems can be placed at any one person's feet or upon any particular group). There may always be someone foolish enough to moderate the forum, but the tide may turn and the powers that be may decide that it's not worth putting up with the bullshit. When it comes to certain disputes, or ways in which we try to resolve those disputes, you may think you're right—may even be right—but you might want to ask yourself if that's the most important thing. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else—guiltier, probably—but victory doesn't always lie in the validity of your cause or the defeat of your opponents.
Without the Tank, there's not much keeping me here, especially now that Pantheon is dead and the other GT games have moved elsewhere (which I actually look forward to getting back into). The format of personal interaction here at the Watch is a little too removed and a little too stale for my tastes anymore. I'd say I could check in from time to time and post if the mood strikes me, but I know that I'm like a junkie in that I can't just dabble without being sucked back in. It's time for a clean break.
Take care, all. It's been fun. If you need to, you either know how to get in touch with me or know someone who does. And y'know, if you want to nominate me for the MIA Watchy (which, let's face it, should really be called the Syls. The Oscars aren't called the Accies), or, say, bump this post once a year or so, well, that'd be cool.
