There's Something Funny About Texas!

[ussusimiel]

In a discussion in the 'Tank recently it came up that Texas and Texans are, in some ways, inherently prone to being the source of humourous observations (humour rarely rears its head in the 'Tank, but it happens, you know, it happens! ).

This thread is in no way intended to be derogatory to our Texas residents (of whom Sarge and Hashi I know are some), but more a way to mine a seam of humour that may have gone unnoticed all this while.


I'll start:

[ussusimiel]

Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention? Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.

[ussusimiel]

[Cord Hurn]

A bad Texas joke:


A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired of him.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

[ussusimiel]

I never realised that Foamfollower was from Texas

Tall Tales

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texas prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his hands.

[deer of the dawn]

I've heard there are dogs there that won't hunt.

[ussusimiel]

[Cord Hurn]

Q: What is the Texas state slogan?

A: Oils Well that ends well.

[ussusimiel]

[sgt.null]

Julie is from Texas (Houston) - we have been down here twenty years come November.

I may qualify as an honorary Texan. I did drink Lone Stars all during our trip to the Grand Canyon.

The were three aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled, "Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"

One of the aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"

[Cord Hurn]

[sgt.null]

Pee Wee Herman visits the Alamo

[ussusimiel]

[ussusimiel]

[ussusimiel]

[aTOMiC]

[sgt.null]

[Cord Hurn]

What’s the difference between taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

What’s another difference between taxes and Texas?
At no point have my taxes ever been frozen.

To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas.
Go stand in the corner, it’s 90 degrees.

[sgt.null]

Texas (/ˈtɛksəs/, also locally /ˈtɛksɪz/;[ Spanish: Texas, Tejas) is a state in the South Central region of the United States.

At 268,596 square miles, and with more than 30 million residents in 2023, it is the second-largest U.S. state by both area (after Alaska) and population (after California).

Texas shares borders with the states of Louisiana to the east, Arkansas to the northeast, Oklahoma to the north, New Mexico to the west,
and the Mexican states of Chihuahua, Coahuila, Nuevo León, and Tamaulipas to the south and southwest; and has a coastline with the Gulf of Mexico to the southeast.