PSA

[Cail]

Hi y'all. I don't venture out from the Tank very often, unless it's to write about a band, a TV show, or a movie. But something happened last week that I'd like to share, and hopefully motivate some people.

For the unaware, I'm a mortician. I make my living meeting with grieving families, planning funerals, and directing funerals. Literally, I spend my working hours giving everything I have for people who are at the lowest point of their lives. I've seen and heard things that people outside of the industry wouldn't understand.

So to be clear, I spend 50 hours a week surrounded by death and grief. I know beyond a shadow that we're all going to die, and there's nothing we can do about it, and we don't know when it's going to happen.

As such, I take care of myself. I eat right, I don't smoke, I'm in the gym 6 days a week. I'm carrying a few extra pounds, but I'm working on that. I probably drink a bit too much, but not excessively. My BP is consistently within 5 points of 125/80. I have the blood chemistry of someone half my age.

So imagine my surprise when I woke up a week ago Saturday and it felt like someone was standing on my chest. Inhaling more than shallowly was agonizing. But I'm me, so I suffered through the day until about 8, when I looked at my daughter and said, "we need to go to the emergency room right now".

Let me tell you, when you walk into an emergency room and say, "chest pain", you immediately become the center of attention. As they were strapping sensors to me to see what was going on, a nurse was doing the intake questions, one of which was, "do you have a medical directive, DNR, living will, etc?"

Long story short, after a raft of tests and an overnight stay, it was determined that the pain was not cardiac (my heart and cardiovascular system are apparently strong like bull), rather the result of a really nasty sinus infection which caused postnasal drip, which ran down my throat, irritated my acid reflux, and somehow got into my lungs, causing the infection and irritation there.

I'm not telling this story so I can see posts like, "so glad you're okay" or something like that. That'd just be narcissistic. Nope, I'm telling it because I've been here for nearly 15 years, and all y'all have been part of my life for that time. Some as online friends, some as political allies or foes, some as a fellow fan of this band, that movie, or the other TV show. Some of examples of how not to live. Regardless, the impact is there, and to one extent or another, y'all are important to me.

So the point of this is this....

Get your affairs in order.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat across from a family who's just lost a child, or a spouse in her 40s, or hell, even an adult parent, that has no clue what to do because there was no planning done for the inevitable. And/or, there was never a conversation about what the person wanted.

This isn't a sales pitch because I don't stand to gain anything from it.

Get a will. The lawyer that helps you with that can also draw up a medical directive/living will/DNR. If you're not married, get yourself a designation drawn up so that the person you specify has the ability to make your arrangements. Remember that power of attorney ends at death, and that the executor of your will has zero authority over your disposition (right to bury or cremate). Consider pre-planning and pre-paying for your funeral and cemetery property (if you want to be buried).

Don't wait on this. I'm only 50, and a week ago I was convinced that I wasn't going to live out the day. Don't leave your family in the lurch when you inevitably die. Plan ahead. Have "the talk" about what you want when you die.

And for f*ck's sake, don't leave things unsaid to your friends and families.

[Ur Dead]

And for f*ck's sake, don't leave things unsaid to your friends and families.

on a lighter note.. <toot>


Planning ahead is a good thing..

Every day I check to see if my name will be in the next days O-bits.
If it isn't there I go to bed and in the morning I get out of bed.
and check the morning paper to see if I made a mistake.
Oh well.. it's a living...

[StevieG]

So glad you're ok

I've had a Will since before kids (15+ years) but only checked it again in the last 12 months. Fortunately the lawyer who set it up for us had more foresight than us, and included clauses for kids, executors, etc. So it's still current. Although I might check again and see what we wrote regarding cremation etc, if we specified at all...

[Skyweir]

Excellent advice .. and despite not looking for .. a glad youre ok, I too am glad youre ok Also not sure that is narcissistic any how.

Its quite a reality check isnt it?

My better half is a lawyer and has our wills drawn up but no medical directives. So good information. Glad it wasnt your heart.

[Cail]

So glad you're ok

I've had a Will since before kids (15+ years) but only checked it again in the last 12 months. Fortunately the lawyer who set it up for us had more foresight than us, and included clauses for kids, executors, etc. So it's still current. Although I might check again and see what we wrote regarding cremation etc, if we specified at all...

Don't do it in your will. Check your state laws and draw up something separate. In Virginia it's called a designation, and any funeral home can give you the template for free.

[SoulBiter]

Thanks for the reminder. I have been lazy and have not done this and need to since my wife and I have significant assets that would be a mess if left to the state. I will deal with that sooner rather than later.

Thanks again!

[Menolly]

So glad you're ok

I've had a Will since before kids (15+ years) but only checked it again in the last 12 months. Fortunately the lawyer who set it up for us had more foresight than us, and included clauses for kids, executors, etc. So it's still current. Although I might check again and see what we wrote regarding cremation etc, if we specified at all...

Don't do it in your will. Check your state laws and draw up something separate. In Virginia it's called a designation, and any funeral home can give you the template for free.

Such may be done differently in Tasmania, though...

[Cail]

So glad you're ok

I've had a Will since before kids (15+ years) but only checked it again in the last 12 months. Fortunately the lawyer who set it up for us had more foresight than us, and included clauses for kids, executors, etc. So it's still current. Although I might check again and see what we wrote regarding cremation etc, if we specified at all...

Don't do it in your will. Check your state laws and draw up something separate. In Virginia it's called a designation, and any funeral home can give you the template for free.

Such may be done differently in Tasmania, though...

Good point, I didn't check his location.

[StevieG]

I looked into it last night and it looks like I can pre-arrange a bunch of stuff with a funeral home including burial or cremation, preferred location, type of service (direct committal, full service, graveside or church etc), type of celebrant, casket or coffin, preferred clothing/jewellery, music, flowers, photo montage - everything you could possibly think of.

It has never occurred to me to do that. There's also a form to let the executor know where the will is located (important) and other personal details. Part of the procedure of notifying all the government authorities, organisations, service providers, lawyers, family and all other damn people that I have had any involvement, includes notifying the funeral director - so I suppose I should have that listed too. And then I assume they'll notify someone about my wish list. I can see how that would take out a lot of guesswork and organisation.

[Menolly]

Sounds similar to the prearrangements my parents made with the funeral home they went with in the 1980s. It made things much easier on my Daddy when Mom passed in 1981, and much easier on me as executor when Daddy passed in 1987 when I was 27. I had no idea how to proceed, otherwise, and Jewish tradition calls for burial within 24 hours, unless the decease passes on a chag/holiday or Shabbes, when no work is done.

[balon!]

I'm glad you're okay, Cail! I'm 30 now and this is a good message for me to take to heart. Found a few greys the other day too...

rather the result of a really nasty sinus infection which caused postnasal drip, which ran down my throat, irritated my acid reflux, and somehow got into my lungs, causing the infection and irritation there.

this is definitely something that could happen to me, never thought of it!

[peter]

Bumping this because it reveals a side of Cail that we sometimes forget was there. Hope wherever he has landed he's happy and enjoying the cut and thrust of some new competition!