Personal conundrum [Adult]

Post by **Worm of Despite** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 1:45 am

I guess this belongs in the Close, because it’s kind of moral/philosophical.

Okay, so I'm probably never going to have sex. The way society ticks these days, you almost feel guilty for being a 20 year old virgin. The media (and peers, even) just inundate me with it to no end. Supposedly, I'm not a "man" or a complete success if I don't have sex.

I'm not an outgoing person; I don't have any interest in getting married or having kids. The only reason to have sex, then, would be "just to have it" and say I've done it. But that's quite meaningless to me. So is it truly a loss if I live my whole life a virgin? Am I truly missing something? It's all just a rite of passage if there's nothing beyond the sensation of it--if it's just "Dude, I got laid last night." Bah.

I dunno. Anyway, just thought I'd get that off my chest. It's been ruminating in my head for a while. Probably shouldn't have, heh, but maybe someone can relate.

Post by **Lord Mhoram** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 1:47 am

Foul,

I don't have any interest in getting married or having kids.

Maybe some day you'll change your mind?

Post by **Worm of Despite** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 1:51 am

I doubt it. I hate having any responsibility beyond taking care of myself (and even that I do at the bare minimum sometimes), and I really dread interacting with children, much like interacting with circus clowns or people in Mickey Mouse suits at Disney Land. I honestly don't see how my mindset is going to change, after all these years (unless something causes me to become a completely different person).

Post by **High Lord Tolkien** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 2:31 am

Lord Foul wrote: Okay, so I'm probably never going to have sex. The way society ticks these days, you almost feel guilty for being a 20 year old virgin. The media (and peers, even) just inundate me with it to no end. Supposedly, I'm not a "man" or a complete success if I don't have sex.

I'm not an outgoing person; I don't have any interest in getting married or having kids. The only reason to have sex, then, would be "just to have it" and say I've done it. But that's quite meaningless to me. So is it truly a loss if I live my whole life a virgin? Am I truly missing something? It's all just a rite of passage if there's nothing beyond the sensation of it--if it's just "Dude, I got laid last night." Bah.

This is one of those posts that you're going to look back on (probably the day after you have sex for the first time) and laugh at yourself.

I wouldn't worry dude.
Most of your friends are probably lying about having sex anyway.
All my friends did.
I didn't "get any" until I was 20 maybe 21, I forget.
I ended up marrying her too (but not because of sex!).

I think, if you want brutal honesty, that those Ted Danson avatars were messing you up.
They were an evil anti-machismo curse upon you!
I bet things get better for you from now on.

Post by **lurch** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:23 am

...Conundrum,,well you're close LF. Get yourself a condom, or a whole box of 'em,,if you have to, fly to nevada, take the limo up to the Ranch, drop the big bucks, and get freakin Laid!!..JUST DO IT!..GET IT OVER WITH For Gods Sake!..It gets better with usage and if ya ain't using it
at all,,aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!.

My God Man , just gettin laid is only the first step! There is art to it and you haven't even applied pencil yet! Its your diet!..Too much junk food! In the continuing thread of pain and disappointment, ceaseless struggle and frustration, that we call Life, there is little of such personal pleasure than the expression of Sex between consenting adults. It is MORE than you have any current idea. The touch, the smell, the taste, the sound,(??),,My God Man! Eat a bunch of fresh fish andget thee to a...bordello..I don't care what you call it..I don't care about your Morals or Ethics..Just protect yourself and GET SOME Intercourse!!! LIFE IS TOO SHORT For not!..DO NOT COME BACK TO THE COMPUTOR,, UNTIL YOU HAVE GOTTEN LAID! Thats It!..its that simple!.

How much money have you spent on that computor??????Welllll!!!
JUST DO IT!!!..Don't worry about her needs..that comes with experience and knowledge..JUST DO THE MOUNT ST HELENS..Penutubo,,call it whatever!...MATTER OF FACT, you wasted too much time reading my stupid post..GET OUT OF HERE!..GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GO GET LAID!
WTF!!...MEL

Post by **duchess of malfi** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:26 am

Foul, I truly wouldn't worry about it.

If/when you meet the right person, this sort of thing will probably take care of itself.

And there are many people who are celibate, and there is nothing wrong with that.

At least you won't get certain diseases that way.

And twenty is too young to get married/worry about kids, IMHO. Believe me -- I got married at that age, and I wish I could have waited at least ten more years.

And you know what -- I have many friends my age (40) and older who have never gotten married or had children. And most of them are pretty happy about not having done so.

So again, don't worry. Enjoy being young and healthy and bright, and talented, and having lots of time with your friends.

Post by **High Lord Tolkien** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:48 am

lurch wrote: There is art to it and you haven't even applied pencil

DO NOT COME BACK TO THE COMPUTOR,, UNTIL YOU HAVE GOTTEN LAID! Thats It!..its that simple!.

...MATTER OF FACT, you wasted too much time reading my stupid post..GET OUT OF HERE!..GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GO GET LAID!
WTF!!...MEL

ROTFLMAO!!

Post by **variol son** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:53 am

Besides, sex is often over-rated.

Over the past two years I have been both a slut and a celebate and let me tell you, despite some of that sex being bloody amazing, celebacy is still far more fulfilling.

I believe that sex means a whole lot more when it is with someone you care about.

Previously when I have broken up with someone I have rebounded like the world was about to end. This time the guy was someone I truly cared about and probably would have ended up falling in love with. We never even went past a few kisses, let alone sex, and now I find that sex or rebounding is the most repulsive think I can imagine.

Just a few words of wisdom from an old man. Or a young man who has been through way too much.

Sum sui generis
Vs

Post by **Worm of Despite** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:29 am

variol son wrote:Besides, sex is often over-rated.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I have enough joy in my life without it; I really don't think I need it at all, to tell the truth, but society seems to be screaming that it's imperative that I have it. Why, really? The physical sensation and that's that? I really don't care about that factor, honestly.

lurch wrote:...Conundrum,,well you're close LF. Get yourself a condom, or a whole box of 'em,,if you have to, fly to nevada, take the limo up to the Ranch, drop the big bucks, and get freakin Laid!!..JUST DO IT!..GET IT OVER WITH For Gods Sake!..It gets better with usage and if ya ain't using it
at all,,aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!.

Sorry, but that just doesn't seem healthy to me, mentally or physically.

I have no experience with relationships, but, ideally, I'd like to be the kind of guy who establishes relationships that last, rather than flavors of the month. What you describe seems the latter, to me.

See, this adds to the dilemma. There’s two camps: one says sex is something greater than I can currently fathom; the other says it’s overrated and not what I expect. It’s an unknown factor, and I don’t know how to catalogue it (or if I even want to take so much effort into something that could very well wind up being a big nothing).

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:31 am

Lord Foul--

I'm five decades old and have never....

Other than feeling like a freak and someone subhuman at times, I live perfectly happily without it.

If the right person came along--unlikely at my advanced age--I would consider it--for curiousity sake if nothing else hehehe.

I could never just "do it" to do it.

So, my advice is to ignore Lurch/Mel. Bordello sex is like licking a urinal at a sports arena. Would you do that?

Like the old saying goes, "Never say never." But don't spend your life obsessing about it. Just meet people--get to know them--enjoy the friendships.

Don't feel pressured to do anything just cuz.

You'll know when/if the time is right.

Maybe we can start a VA--Virgins Anonymous Group. A twelve step program...secret handshakes...special codes. It could be fun.

hehehe

Post by **Worm of Despite** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:34 am

ChoChiyo wrote:Bordello sex is like licking a urinal at a sports arena.

Heh, that is some interesting imagery! I'm going to have some crazy dreams tonight, I'm sure!

But in all seriousness: I agree with you wholeheartedly, Cho. If virginity is my path, I'll take it. Or maybe it won't be the path. Who knows. Got some decades ahead (hopefully), and, if anything, I think the future will teach me not to regret whatever choice I make.

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:54 am

Very wise.

I suspect you will be happy regardless of your path. YOu are too bright and creative to be miserable.

Post by **Furls Fire** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:05 am

This "just go out and do it" mentality is dangerous. From a person who deals with AIDS on a daily basis, I can tell you that condoms are not foolproof. And, now with the HIV virus mutating, it is becoming harder to detect it and fight it.

David, sex isn't just an "act", at least not to me. Every beautiful moment I spend with Russell is a gift, sex is just a small part of that. And I have to say, I would not be having it if I did not have Russ. The two go together. I can't imagine a "one night stand" or a "brothel orgy". When I see such things protrayed on television or in the movies and how casually people have it, I cringe. To me, one of the most precious things you can give a person is yourself...mind, soul and yes, body. When all three are there, the intimacy is glorious.

One day, you may find such intimacy. And I'm not just talking sex. I'm talking love and companionship. And yet, if you don't, I hope you find happiness on whatever path to travel on.

HUGGLESSSSSSSSSSSS

Post by **variol son** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:14 am

Lord Foul wrote:
variol son wrote:Besides, sex is often over-rated.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I have enough joy in my life without it; I really don't think I need it at all, to tell the truth, but society seems to be screaming that it's imperative that I have it. Why, really? The physical sensation and that's that? I really don't care about that factor, honestly.

lurch wrote:...Conundrum,,well you're close LF. Get yourself a condom, or a whole box of 'em,,if you have to, fly to nevada, take the limo up to the Ranch, drop the big bucks, and get freakin Laid!!..JUST DO IT!..GET IT OVER WITH For Gods Sake!..It gets better with usage and if ya ain't using it
at all,,aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!.
Sorry, but that just doesn't seem healthy to me, mentally or physically.

I have no experience with relationships, but, ideally, I'd like to be the kind of guy who establishes relationships that last, rather than flavors of the month. What you describe seems the latter, to me.

See, this adds to the dilemma. There’s two camps: one says sex is something greater than I can currently fathom; the other says it’s overrated and not what I expect. It’s an unknown factor, and I don’t know how to catalogue it (or if I even want to take so much effort into something that could very well wind up being a big nothing).

Well I'm not sure what you expect, but here are some little things that I have learned:

#1 - Men could have much better sex. I have noticed that almost all of my male friends, be they gay or straight, see ejaculation as the ultimate goal of, and supreme experience within, each and every sexual encounter. This is just not the case.

Sex is a package that can include a lot more than fumbling in the dark for two minutes to get your clothes off, thrusting away for a further minute, ejaculating, rolling over and going to sleep. If that is all you're going to be doing, then you shouldn't even bother.

#2 - Leads on from #1, sex is only as good as the amount of effort you put in. If you are the type of guy who won't approach someone for sex if you are going to have to engage in foreplay (like one guy I know) then don't expect sex to be anything much.

If however you are willing to take the time to find out what it is that your partner finds pleasurable, then you may find that they will go out of their way to do the same.

#3 - Sex doesn't have to be a purely physical experience. It can be solely physical of course, but it doesn't have to be. If it is with someone that you know well it can also be an emotional experience, and if you are doing it right then it can become an intellectual experience.

Some people will even tell you that sex can be a spiritual experience. I need to think a bit more about how best to explain this, so more later.

Wow, I'm surpised I managed to say all that and remain so polite.

Sum sui generis
Vs

Post by **lurch** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:24 am

...HEY!..there is a qualifier in my post. I said,,if he has to...
Your Foulness...
There are woman out there who don't want to have kids,,or have had enuf of 'em already,,and don't want long term relationships,,but like and ENJOY sex and don't mind being a flavor of the month. Its called takin care of business,,the body's busness. Like anything else, its WHAT YOU MAKE IT. And you ain't makin nothin. After you've had some, then you mite be qualified to say whatever

Change your diet LF!! FISH!, red meat..wheaties, Its on your mind! You are thinking about it!..STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. ITS AT ITS BEST WHEN YOU DON"T THINK ABOUT IT AND JUST DO IT!!!!!! Open the corral gate and let the stallion free! My God Foul! God gave it to ya ! Make a woman happy with it! Share it for gods sake!!! Just stop the moody excuse making. You're like a blind guy saying that you don't think you'd like the color Blue!,,,and you are writing a book?

Listen,,just drop all the doubt and foreboding. Its called the Wild Thing for a reason. Its all about abandonment. Let it all go. Its a natural act,,thinking about it comes later,,for now, for you, stop thinking and just do. The better you stop thinking, the better the doing. My God Man! Find yourself a willing woman and ENJOY!!! What have you got against ENJOYING? NOTHING IS FREE, so don't come back with all this woeful , effort and cost crap. Get off your Lazy duff and do the horizontal bop!

We have solitary lives. No matter what, the same experience is not seen or experienced the same way by two different people. Our existance is solitary. The best we can do for each other, the best two humane beings can do for each other,,is share some pleasure,,give each other some pleasure in this struggle called life. You may be let down at first,,you may be kicking yourself in the arse for witholding for so long......it don't matter..with some thought you can make it better the next time,,or you may really enjoy it as is. God gave you some equipment. You have no real excuse for not using it.

Knock off the Bull sh*T. Thats all your filling your head with. Get all that unatural crap out of your head . Unplug the computor. Turn off the Sony P2. Go out and get laid for cryin out loud. its natural.....MEL

Post by **Plissken** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:43 am

I've got to say this: DON'T LISTEN TO LURCH!

There that's out of the way. You've gone this long without, you better off finding out about sex with someone who cares about you, and about whom you care about.

That said, sex is as important as you make it. Actually, it's quite a bit more important than you're allowing it to be right now. But it's only important when you decide it is. If you're filling you're life with things that give you joy, then it may not make the top 10 list. When you find someone else with whom you want to express that joy with (and to, and for) it may rise in importance. When it does happen plan on it being incredibly awkward, incredibly graceful, incredibly embarrassing, incredibly fufilling - and pretty just plain incredible.

'Till then? Just relax. Take deep breaths. 20 years is not too long to wait. And visiting a whorehouse or just engaging in "pickup sex" is just going to screw your view on the subject all to hell.

Post by **dennisrwood** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:56 am

Foul: I waited till I was 21. and I don't regret it at all. if it doesn't happen for you, that's ok. maybe someday you will meet that special someone, until then, don't fret. and if you never meet that special someone, it's ok too.

Post by **lurch** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:12 am

LF,,you doin a " IZZY" on us? or is it just me? Yea, that idiot over at Bob From Accounting,IZZY..puts bait out and trys to get people to say the most outrageous things..

I mean,,bringing your 20 year old virginity to a public chatroom...C'mon.
If you're real about this..there is alot more to being a Man than gettin your dick wet,,but it starts from somewhere and You need to get started.

If you be just into some Friday Nite hi-jinx. Oh well, sorry to spoil your fun....I'm outta here. Guess what I'm gonna do..MEL

Post by **dlbpharmd** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:19 am

Foul, ignore all of the above and listen to me:

Women are the devil. Avoid them like the plague. Stay single, be successful and spend your money on yourself.

Post by **High Lord Tolkien** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 12:12 pm

dlbpharmd wrote:Foul, ignore all of the above and listen to me:

Women are the devil. Avoid them like the plague. Stay single, be successful and spend your money on yourself.

There's actually a lot of truth to this.

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

Personal conundrum [Adult]

Personal conundrum [Adult]

Re: Personal conundrum [Adult]

DUDE!!..ADULT CONTENT INVOLVED

Re: DUDE!!..ADULT CONTENT INVOLVED

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OH!!! I GET IT!