Kevin's Watch

People's reaction to you depends largely on your reaction to them.

A particularly apt point in the context of the internet, forums, and the largely faceless communication that we do our best at.

In this world of impersonal appearing text, do we take fully into account the fact that reaction is just that? Reaction. Response to another action. Response to positive or negative stimuli.

In providing the stimuli, we control, or at least have a significant effect, on the reaction that follows. By choosing your action, you go a fair way to dictating what the responding action will be.

Conversely, we can equally choose how to react to a given stimuli in the sense that I'm talking about. And controlling your reaction has the knock-on effect of influencing the responding action.

What do you think?

--A

To a certain extent, reaction to a certain stimulus is almost a natural thing.

e.g. to keep away from big spiders, pull your hand away from something hot.

In relation to other people, the reaction you get is almost certainly in response to the stimuli you present to that person. Although sometimes you might not get the reaction you expected for any number of reasons ( a recent bereavement, intoxification, or just having a bad day).

In the same vein of thought, the reaction you give to others is most likely to be in response to the stimuli you have recieved.

Add to the fact that we are generally quite good at reading non verbal stimuli, and you can see that the human mind is facinating object, programmed to respond to millions of different situations.


As for internet chat rooms/forums, you are bereft of the visual clues which tell you what people might really be thinking, despite what they say, so you are at a disadvantage there - but I suppose that's what we've got "smillies" for

Avatar wrote:

People's reaction to you depends largely on your reaction to them.

What do you think?

--A

I think that's very accurate, at least as far as first impressions go.
After that, once friendship kicks in it's not very true, imo.

A good example is this:
I had a job interview today.
I HATE job interviews because I turn from my usual "so laid back people think you're dead" persona into a quivering nonthinking mess.

I could tell the man interviewing me wasn't comfortable with me in the beginning.
Because he was reacting to what I was giving him, nervousness.

Luckily I realized this and told him I was a horrible interviewee and I relaxed a little.
I could see the change in his attitude toward me after that.

Hopefully I made a good impression.
I'm probably one of the best employees anyone could ever have but I suck so bad at interviewing I wouldn't even hire myself!

Now conversely my best freind and I greet each other with sickening verbal abuse hurled at each other.
Wait....maybe that's the same as above

Ugh, yeah interviews suck. Had one on Tuesday, another one on the 8th. I don't really get nervous, but I don't like being judged. And one instance, I actually saw the thought process that made the interviewer misconstrue something I said. I could tell there's a certain way he looked at the situation, so he responded to what I said in that framework. And I really don't like the dynamic that prevents me from correcting him about it.

Strange thing is, I pretty much nailed the interview (well, half and half. sometimes I felt like I was losing him) as well as an electronics practice test (that they never looked at!), but my suit... Let's just say that looking at everyone else there for the interview, I realized I better have a new one for the next one.

And it's weird. I don't wear anything remotely resembling a suit nor will I ever wear a suit in my job, yet I have to go out and spend $200, a substantial piece of an unemployed person's savings, to get one.

Syl wrote:Ugh, yeah interviews suck. Had one on Tuesday, another one on the 8th. I don't really get nervous, but I don't like being judged. And one instance, I actually saw the thought process that made the interviewer misconstrue something I said. I could tell there's a certain way he looked at the situation, so he responded to what I said in that framework. And I really don't like the dynamic that prevents me from correcting him about it.

You know what would make a good reality TV show?
An interview show set up like American Idol or something.
I don't know how they could do it but it would be interesting to see how people are before, during and then after the interview.

Syl wrote:Strange thing is, I pretty much nailed the interview (well, half and half. sometimes I felt like I was losing him) as well as an electronics practice test (that they never looked at!), but my suit... Let's just say that looking at everyone else there for the interview, I realized I better have a new one for the next one.

And the sad thing was that you probably *were* judged by what you were wearing.
My current job is extremely casual: jeans, sneakers and fleece tops are fine.
The job I interviewed for was pretty much the same, but I *knew* that if I didn't "suit up" it would hurt me.

Syl wrote:And it's weird. I don't wear anything remotely resembling a suit nor will I ever wear a suit in my job, yet I have to go out and spend $200, a substantial piece of an unemployed person's savings, to get one.

You know what I did?
The night before my interview I realized that I hadn't worn anything "professional" in several years and everything looked like old man clothes.
So I went out to Target and bought a basic blue sport jacket, white shirt and khaki pants.
I only spent $50 and although I'm not going to be photographed for GQ anytime soon I looked great for an interview.

Good luck , btw.

I will hopefully never have to interview again, but I think I'll wear the kilt if I do. Then I'll keep crossing and uncrossing my legs like in Basic Instinct.

Maybe I'll just go on interviews for fun.

Cail wrote:I will hopefully never have to interview again, but I think I'll wear the kilt if I do. Then I'll keep crossing and uncrossing my legs like in Basic Instinct.

Maybe I'll just go on interviews for fun.

People's reaction to you depends largely on your reaction to them.

Be prepared, my friend, be prepared.

That was damn funny, HLT (and Cail).

My most recent interview was pretty much, "You want the job?"

I did, so I said, "Yes."

It was a tough quiz, but I aced it.

Well this went in an unusual direction, didn't it?

I hate interviews too. My last one, nearly two years ago for this job, was a nice easy one. I wore what I've only ever worn to work: Jeans and a t-shirt, because I came to it straight from the temp job I was doing (IT Support) at the time.

Luckily, the guy interviewing me was wearing the same thing. If I have to go smart, black slacks and a button-up collarless shirt are the most I'll do. (Can't stand collars and ties...symbolically hanging yourself every day before leaving for work...*shudder*)

To get back to what Phantasm was saying though,

Although sometimes you might not get the reaction you expected for any number of reasons ( a recent bereavement, intoxification, or just having a bad day).

This is part of what I was saying when I said that regardless of the reaction you get back, your reaction to that can still affect the "counter-reaction" as it were.

A soft answer turneth away wrath and all that. The reason I bring it up in the context of a forum is really the amount of times we see somebody react negatively to something, and then the counter-reaction is more negative, and things degenerate rapidly after that.

All it can take to halt the downward spiral
is for a single person to make the decision to control their reaction.

Why is it that this seems so difficult sometimes? What is it that attempts to trap us in the repeating cycle of reaction, rather than of action?

Phantasm's point about the reaction you give depending on the stimuli you recieve is a good one. But that's where you have the opportunity to break the chain. React positively in spite of negative stimuli, and the counter-reaction will be more positive as well.

Of course, there are always exceptions, some people just deliberately want trouble, but in all other cases, it's merely a case of reaction, and usually thoughtless reaction at that.

--A

I'll have to agree with HLT: To begin with a simple action-reaction response is expected, but even in a faceless environment such as this you build acquaintances, and you very quickly get biased toward peoples names (or even avatars). As a result I would not answer the exact same words the same way, if it came from people that I had different opinions of.

Avatar wrote:Of course, there are always exceptions, some people just deliberately want trouble.

Not being much of a slugger, I do enjoy a lively verbal fist fight now and then, but I usually only enter one if provoked.

this is an interesting topic for me...

it drives me crazy to be misunderstood...and i can usually SEE that happening on someones face when they are talking to me...i'm not so articulate that i can make myself understood without miles and miles of explanation...then i see the boredom set in as i try to make myself understood...my husband and my boss particularly have short attention spans and so just eventually tune out as i attempt to make myself understood (my shrink said i was "hypervigilant"! hahahaha!!)
i dread the boredom reaction to my overexplaining but have come to expect it...

i have learned to ask, in forum and in face to face conversations, if i am being understood, or if i don't understand someone else...

regarding interviews...about 10 years ago i decided to hell with it...i do NOT want to present myself in job interviews as something i'm not. i can't do it anymore...even if i WANT the job badly...so i started going to job interviews dressed as myself!! usually solid color longsleeved crew neck cotton shirts or t shirts, jeans...not ripped up ones or that grungy greasy look that's so prevalent now, just regular jeans...or these pull on sort of stretcy yoga pants that i've found that look okay as street clothes, sensible shoes like oxford bucs or quiet sneakers...not the kind with all the loud colors and crap on them... anyway...i stopped "dressing up" for interviews...and i stopped all the phoney schmoney i'm here to impress you patter in interviews that you do when you're all nervous...just started looking at the interviewers as people rather than as someone who held my LIFE in their hands...asking THEM questions like, do you like working here, how long have YOU been here, do you guys do pot lucks and employee birthday celebrations, etc...

i had 3 interviews like that...i figured if they didn't like me the way i was, i didn't want to work with them anyway...it worked out well for me...the third interview was with Beren Shoes...where i have been for the last nine years!!

All I know is that it is fun to piss people off on the Internet.

LM wrote:All I know is that it is fun to piss people off on the Internet.

Your darn right it is!

it is?

Prebe wrote:To begin with a simple action-reaction response is expected...

What I'm saying though is that, except in some circumstances, an action/response is what you get, even if you don't realise it.

(And I too have a penchant for long and complicated explanations LuciMay. )

--A