On texting excessively in public.

[Linna Heartbooger]

"Is Stress a Status Symbol?" - it was just a headline I saw over ten years ago.
But it really got me thinking.

Thinking about things, I consider the "status symbol value" to be one major reason why many people are drawn to excessive checking of texts, even in public...
But it's not gonna be the only thing going on.

Here's another bit of an idea:

If you hang out with a friend in public, it legitimizes your use of the space (library, park, coffee shop) in the eyes of others.
And... think Chapter 1 of TCoTC.. someone like Covenant has to legitimize his presence in his own town.
Because... humans.
You hear people say* things like this of their fellow man: "People like that shouldn't be allowed to breathe air the same air I breathe and take up space."

So to justify my existence to observers who don't know me...
If I have a friend with me... they can see a little about how I relate to someone I know.
They can get a sense of:
how good are my boundaries?
am I a jerk or not?
do I speak foolishly with someone I'm close to?
They can see how I might be valuable and a "contributor."

With texting in public, even if all my friends live back at wherever I went to college... I can still visibly demonstrate that I (maybe!) have a "friend" with me.
(though I can put on some kind of elaborate charade if I want to! It's so weeeeird.)

Okay, that's some stuff I'm thinking.
What are y'alls' ideas?


* at least on social media, you do! :-/

[sgt.null]

have you ever listened in on the conversations these people are having? so banal, but they must intrude whatever it is we are doing.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Like looking over someone's shoulders to see what they texted?
How do you do that?

On the general subject of looking at others' texts, though:
Once there was a mom with two grown daughters; they all still were all on the same family plan or some such.
But the technology broke down; something crazy happened...
The mom had the opportunity to see. every. text. her daughters had sent to each-other in the last 5 years or so.

[wayfriend]

I can honestly say I never went Who is that person? They don't belong here! -- Oh, wait, they're texting someone ... they're cool.

Does anyone? I don't think so.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Aww... you're not seein' it, wf?

I know it sounds ridiculous; few people would do it explicitly, but that doesn't mean that's not what's happening...

So let me modify my theory.
If someone does not have something like texting to do in public, and they're just sitting somewhere waiting... say, the entrance of a library...
If you're an extrovert like me, you don't know what to do with your arms and eyes and look awkward.
(do I greet everyone? oh, wait, that person's from another culture... maybe eye contact is less between males and females who do not have a familial bond in that culture.)

maybe putting a lot of myself into the theorizing... I dunno.
Grew up in a small town.
Currently live in a place where there's much "rootlessness."

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Not entirely sure what this pertains to, but abundant texting/IM'ing/emailing in public...? Well, consider suddenly finding yourself in a rather active long-distance relationship.

If someone does not have something like texting to do in public, and they're just sitting somewhere waiting... say, the entrance of a library...
If you're an extrovert like me, you don't know what to do with your arms and eyes and look awkward.

Easy solution: Always bear a book with you. Or a selection of ebooks within the mysterious confines of your phone. Or an audioboo...or better yet, scramble up those pesky library stairs and borrow one!

[wayfriend]

Aww... you're not seein' it, wf?

I'm going bald, LH. I gave up long ago caring what I look like in public.

It's human nature that, in the process of going about your day, you wonder about the things you see, and draw inferences to fill in the blanks. It's almost impossible to stop doing it.

But I don't think everyone is so sensitive about other people doing it. Who cares what people you don't know and won't know think? And, if they're judging you at a glance, doesn't that mean that they're probably wrong anyway? THEY know they probably are. YOU know they probably are. So according to everyone, involved, it's nothing but ephemeral droppings from our monkey brains, best ignored. By way of evidence, consider the fact that THEY are going to forget whatever they thought about you as soon as they look at the next person, or sign, or dog, or tree. Just as YOU do.

[Zarathustra]

I would much rather people text than talk loudly into their cell phones next to me in a restaurant or coffee shop. I do, however, feel sorry for couples or groups of people who are sitting right next to perfectly fine and present humans, but feel the obsessive need to text to non-present humans in these tiny streams of words. Have a face-to-face conversation! Stop ignoring the people right in front of you! It also bugs me when people record concerts, staring at this amazing, expansive spectacle through a tiny screen. Are you really going to watch that crappy, shaky video later? Forget about your futile attempt to freeze the moment. Put down your device and be in the moment!

[Linna Heartbooger]

Okay, I'mma gonna respond to everyone, since I was away a bit.

Not entirely sure what this pertains to, but abundant texting/IM'ing/emailing in public...? Well, consider suddenly finding yourself in a rather active long-distance relationship.

Hehe! Great point... and told personally, Frostheart.

Easy solution: Always bear a book with you. Or a selection of ebooks within the mysterious confines of your phone. Or an audioboo...or better yet, scramble up those pesky library stairs and borrow one!

Eh, I always used to get to tutoring at the last minute, and it was nervous-making if my student was late.
In the interests of full disclosure... I don't have a cell! (though I did for about 3 months, and it happened to be when lorin quizzed us all about that.)

But I don't think everyone is so sensitive about other people doing it. Who cares what people you don't know and won't know think? And, if they're judging you at a glance, doesn't that mean that they're probably wrong anyway?

Well, of course... but, although looks can't kill, the moment when someone's look of disgust or distaste flashes over you... I'm not sure how many people resist such a thing well.

I play the game of "wear someone else's shoes" a LOT, as you guys know.
And I am becoming convinced that the line between respectable, apparently-confident "normal people" and poor, disenfranchised people who seem crazy is more tenuous than we think. :-/
So in some ways, I'm thinking about the damage such a glance can do to a vulnerable person. (and we all know that I am never one of those. haha.)

Okay, you received the brunt of my ranting, wf.

This is good though:

By way of evidence, consider the fact that THEY are going to forget whatever they thought about you as soon as they look at the next person, or sign, or dog, or tree. Just as YOU do.

I do, however, feel sorry for couples or groups of people who are sitting right next to perfectly fine and present humans, but feel the obsessive need to text to non-present humans in these tiny streams of words. Have a face-to-face conversation! Stop ignoring the people right in front of you!

There's the theory that texting promises all kinds of great things without all the risks that face-to-face convos bring.

It also bugs me when people record concerts, staring at this amazing, expansive spectacle through a tiny screen. Are you really going to watch that crappy, shaky video later? Forget about your futile attempt to freeze the moment. Put down your device and be in the moment!

that comment is hilarious..
(in spite of the fact that I can totally imagine wanting to watch it again and again to try to recapture the moment.)

[SoulBiter]

It also bugs me when people record concerts, staring at this amazing, expansive spectacle through a tiny screen. Are you really going to watch that crappy, shaky video later? Forget about your futile attempt to freeze the moment. Put down your device and be in the moment!

I have tried a couple of times to catch pictures or video of events on my phone only to realize I was missing the actual event by trying. So now I might take a couple of pictures here and there, but mostly I try to live in the moment!

[wayfriend]

I have tried a couple of times to catch pictures or video of events on my phone only to realize I was missing the actual event by trying. So now I might take a couple of pictures here and there, but mostly I try to live in the moment!

We went no-video when we went to Disney, for that very reason.

But I don't think everyone is so sensitive about other people doing it. Who cares what people you don't know and won't know think? And, if they're judging you at a glance, doesn't that mean that they're probably wrong anyway?

Well, of course... but, although looks can't kill, the moment when someone's look of disgust or distaste flashes over you... I'm not sure how many people resist such a thing well.

I play the game of "wear someone else's shoes" a LOT, as you guys know.
And I am becoming convinced that the line between respectable, apparently-confident "normal people" and poor, disenfranchised people who seem crazy is more tenuous than we think. :-/
So in some ways, I'm thinking about the damage such a glance can do to a vulnerable person. (and we all know that I am never one of those. haha.)

So this is really about embarassment? Specifically, the embarrassment of appearing less well-to-do than whatever we feel is 'average' ?

[Avatar]

My phone doesn't record video. It can't take pictures either for that matter.

--A

[Linna Heartbooger]

So this is really about embarassment? Specifically, the embarrassment of appearing less well-to-do than whatever we feel is 'average' ?

Heck, yes! Shame and status. Status and shame.

[Avatar]

Competition?

--A

[wayfriend]

So this is really about embarassment? Specifically, the embarrassment of appearing less well-to-do than whatever we feel is 'average' ?

Heck, yes! Shame and status. Status and shame.

Do you feel like you have a pretty low embarrassment threshold?

I've always found that humility is the best armor against embarrassment. And that vanity is the opposite ... (lacking a metaphor here).

[ussusimiel]

I came across this article in the Huffpo today and thought it might shed some light on this topic:

• - ...Q and A With the Author of 'Reclaiming Conversation'

The article addresses the impact that digital technology is having on the quality of our conversations (an interesting thing to note is that simply having a mobile phone on a table can significantly reduce the attention we give each other). It also points to the fact that digital technology means that we now never have to be alone. The author of the books suggests that this is not a good thing, as solitude is, interestingly, important in the development of empathy for others.

The article resonates with my thinking. I have come to understand that intimacy may be the single most important experience we have as human beings. I think I have instinctively understood the value of extended uninterrupted conversation. I have a strict policy on Google and YouTube when I'm conversing with people, especially in a group (access to Google is only allowed under very specific circumstances (e.g. to settle a factual dispute that is hindering rather than furthering the conversation) and YouTube can only be accessed for very short durations).

This may sound a bit extreme, but the way I see it is: you are in my company right now (you can access the Internet anytime) and I reserve the right to walk out of the room if I feel that the conversation has been usurped by technology (which I have done more than once. YouTube is the worst offender! ).

u.