How do you feel today? v. 3.0

[Linna Heartbooger]

lorin- so, do you feel like "hey, something to force me into working on writing"?
I feel like a story that requires that much grit & determination to just type out will turn out different from a book that wouldn't.

and yes, I can appreciate how much this is driving you nuts a bit because ....

I'm a little shellshocked by the accident...still. And it drives me CRAZY when people say if you had killed the baby it wouldn't have been your fault. Are they kidding!?!?!

Right?
I tend to feel super-uncomfortable when people try to reassure me that things I do or (like in your case) could have done are "not really so bad."
I'm just thinking, "Ahh! You wouldn't be saying this if you weren't like... biased towards me / wanting me to not feel bad."
Yeahhh...

lots to catch up on. a few months ago my younger brother was in the hospital and requested a visit, feeling that this was serious. he is on the transplant list for his kidneys and pancreas. his liver is a mess, he is a type one diabetic. he has issues with his heart. when he is between dialysis visits his brain sometimes isn't so well, due to toxins. well he had an infection they could not regulate. turns out it was his bladder. all this at age 44. visit went well, saw my mom, sister, brother and his wife. (I had never met the wife) also got to see my best friend since junior high.

my brother recovered from the infection and is doing better.

Glad you got to visit your brother. And other family members!
Wow, his health situation does sound rather brutal.

...one of my former inmate cooks had enough...

Noooo..


As for me today... right now I'm having a sort of frustrating day because... not enough sleep last night.
And I... am pretty behind on a few responsibilities and obligations.
...And not wanting to deal with them. Doh.

[sgt.null]

Linna - the ex cook has a long history of acting up. he is fine, for now.

[peter]

I'm rarely lost for words Sarge, but can barely grasp the gravity of your words let alone summon the appropriate response ...........but you are immersed in this day after day, yet retain both your sanity and a deep humanity. Damn - that's a trick a few more of us could learn!

[sgt.null]

16 years peter, you learn to let it all go. or you burn out. I have seen that in too many people.

singing helps. I sing various songs while working. keeps the mood light.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Byrd_Jr.

one of those guys involved was at my last unit. had a run in with him. verbal only. evil is not romantic. it is not always clever, rather dull and vicious.

[lorin]

16 years peter, you learn to let it all go. or you burn out. I have seen that in too many people.

Oh boy, if there is anyone on this site that understands this statement it is me. When is your retirement date?


Had ton's of job related dreams last night. Maybe they were nightmares. Not sure. But they were filled with frustration and anger.

On a non-dream related work note, the commissioner that drove me out of my job was arrested last month for a bunch of unsavory things. Eventually the charges were dropped in exchange for her resignation and paying a large fine. I was disappointed she didn't lose her pension. If she had been fired she would have lost it. The corruption in that agency is beyond belief. I was the only white person in my division and that commissioner made it clear to me she didn't like me and out I went. The department then became 100% African American / black (I never know what to say). Understand we are talking about 1000+ people in my division. Uhhhhh you think there was a problem? I could go back now, work 2 years and get my full pension instead of my 1/2 pension but I'd rather be broke. I never want to deal with people like that again. Guess all this is why I'm having dreams.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Linna - the ex cook has a long history of acting up. he is fine, for now.

I am glad to hear he failed.
It was not clear from the telling of the story!

I've woken up to a quiet and beautiful rainy morning here.
I start teaching a Saturday class for the fall semester.
I get to meet my new students, but I still get nervous about the first day with new student(s).
On the plus side, I feel like I've had enough sleep.

[sgt.null]

lorin - ten years. at that point we look to moving back to NH. I will have to find a job for another decade, then I can retire for good.

Linna - when I worked mental health, guys like that we worried would accidently hurt themselves more than they intended.

[peter]

16 years peter, you learn to let it all go. or you burn out. I have seen that in too many people.

singing helps. I sing various songs while working. keeps the mood light.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Byrd_Jr.

one of those guys involved was at my last unit. had a run in with him. verbal only. evil is not romantic. it is not always clever, rather dull and vicious.

Amen to that Sarge!

[sgt.null]

it has been fun. see you when I get on a computer again.

[lorin]

I've been doing exceptionally well emotionally these days considering the state of my body. Anyway I feel a shift in me. Mental not physical. My foster daughter Jafari came to my house this week. She is the only one I still have contact with. Anyway she busted her butt and cleaned my art studio for me.I did some of it but she did most of it. It looks great and I feel able to do some small , not intricate work.

I have become friendly with my neighbor which is amazing considering my neighborhood. She was a dentist in Peru, fell in love with an American Peruvian and moved here. She can't practice dentistry here without more schooling so she works as a dental receptionist and cleans houses. So we worked out that she does my vacuuming and washes the kitchen floor once a week in exchange for doing her laundry at my house. I can do cleaning but the vacuuming and mopping motion is very painful. She has two adorable little girls that I have become attached to. This is a huge step for me since I always avoided children because it reminded me I never had any.

I've been facing all the paperwork generated by the accident and retirement. Cleaning out papers. Clearing the brain. It's amazing how clutter can weigh you down emotionally. Actual clutter becomes emotional clutter. You can quote me on that because it's brilliant.

AND I am writing again. Slowly. Hands are numb which makes it an adventure. I am staying away from FB for the most part. I do glance in once a day but don't look at all the forums I used to. They made me feel frustrated. The whole site makes me frustrated because everyone is wonderful and everyone is productive and it makes me feel like the audience to life.

I rejoined (again) weight watchers......results pending. But the new diet is much more manageable and with all my medication and inactivity my weight was moving in the wrong direction.

Lastly, and biggest of all, I have re-established some communication with my younger brother. Let go of all my agendas with him and his wife and moved on. He just retired from teaching, at 50 and has joined an Xalps team and is a competitive paragliding racer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3DglRaMEEk

I think a lot of this comes from doing a new kind of work with a new therapist. I have been very bad in selecting therapists in the past (I could write a book) but this one is right for me. And he doesn't take my bullshit. I wish my insurance covered it but that's not happening. Oh well, it's an investment.

[Sorus]

I've been facing all the paperwork generated by the accident and retirement. Cleaning out papers. Clearing the brain. It's amazing how clutter can weigh you down emotionally. Actual clutter becomes emotional clutter. You can quote me on that because it's brilliant.

SO true. And glad you're writing.

[Avatar]

Feeling tired.

Went for a short hike yesterday, (close encounters with Giraffe & Zebra), which was nice (so unfit at the moment), but went to bed far too late, and really feeling it this morning. Serves me right I suppose.

--A

[lorin]

Feeling tired.

Went for a short hike yesterday, (close encounters with Giraffe & Zebra), which was nice (so unfit at the moment), but went to bed far too late, and really feeling it this morning. Serves me right I suppose.

--A

You know, when I tell my friends from the islands i.e. the Dominican Republic, Haiti or even Puerto Rico that I saw a bear, wild buffalo or there are cougar they are amazed. They cannot imagine living in a place where there are such huge wild creatures. That is how I feel when you say you saw a giraffe and zebra. I am amazed someone can still live in a place where you can encounter such beautiful creatures.



The heat here has broken, just for today it is human. 80's and not so HUMID. It's lovely! I am actually going to put on some spf50 and go outside and garden without bending twisting or lifting ( which is no easy task. )

[Avatar]

Haha, here neither of them are particularly unusual if you go to the right place, and in this conservancy they're pretty habituated...we literally passed within a few metres of them. (I'll put up a pic or two.) I didn't even bother commenting on the various antelope since they're about as common as pigeons.

We only get excited for things like lion, leopard and cheetah.

Pics in the photography thread.

--A

[lorin]

Haha, here neither of them are particularly unusual if you go to the right place, and in this conservancy they're pretty habituated...we literally passed within a few metres of them. (I'll put up a pic or two.) I didn't even bother commenting on the various antelope since they're about as common as pigeons.

We only get excited for things like lion, leopard and cheetah.

Pics in the photography thread.

--A

Now you're just bragging


Blame it on the good weather.......I overdid it yesterday. My muscles are so atrophied anything is overdoing it.

[Sorus]

Eighth anniversary at work. Not something to celebrate. Thought I'd be there a year at the maximum. So it goes.

The clique was in full clique mode, so no one even said congrats. My minion kept wishing me a happy birthday. I kept telling him it wasn't my birthday. Sometimes I can't tell if he's messing with me, or if he really doesn't understand.

The week so far in general:

[peter]

Same old, same old Sorus - Welcome to my world!

[Avatar]

Ah well, it's Wednesday...weekend fast approaching (although not fast enough).

Sleeping badly.

--A

[Iolanthe]

Yesterday they took 107ml of blood from the haematoma. I feel so much better today - less swelling so less discomfort. I go again on Friday morning. It's very strange watching the process on the ultra sound screen. I can see the needle but feel no pain (except the odd twinge of pressure) and watch the black splodge, which is the blood, gradually diminish. The local anaesthetic is the worst bit. She used a cannula yesterday rather than continually inserting the needle. I'm beginning to feel like a pin cushion!

[lorin]

Ah well, it's Wednesday...weekend fast approaching (although not fast enough).

Sleeping badly.

--A

Sending you one of my magic pills. They work on an elephant.