A Poem from Ahira's Hangar

[duchess of malfi]

Sandcastles
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A castle rears into the sky,
Buttressed with the native rock,
Banners fluttering from towertop,
Trumpets sounding from high rough walls.
Within abide the great stearn kings,
Their queens lovely among women.
Soldiers defend their great lord's keep,
Knights on chargers, bright plumes and armor.
The castle is massive and fair.

The morning is fair- a cool breeeze
Ruffles the chilled green water,
The waves lap at the sandy shore,
Gulls screech and soar
Over the stretch of deeply brown beach.

The fields of the castle are lush,
And fertile with the growing crops~
But covered with armed camps.
Men train for warfare, for blood spillage.
Soon the warriors will ride and march~
To both neighboring and far domains,
To take all for the royal arms.
None can stand before the bloody ones~
The blood royal has reached zenith

The blinding sun burns in the sky,
Baking the shore where the tide has been.
The wind has died, the waters calmed.
The cloudless sea and sky are one.
The summer day has reached its high.

The castle crumbles, stone walls fall.
Feasts, coronations are long over.
Tapestries, handwoven by queens
And the long swords of kings have rotted.
The last born heir has found his barrow,
Great treasures were long ago raped,
The princes long dead to the blades of foes.

Gulls flit as elusive shadows.
Green seawater swirls over brown beach.
Waves smooth away the footsteps,
Carry away the day's refuse,
Melt away the child's sandcastle.

[duchess of malfi]

Scenes from Ann Arbor


Women's Hospital 0600
After hours of torment, in a great gush of blood,
A child is born.
The pain, the cursing, the ripping of flesh
Become Insignificant
As the mother holds her babe.
She coos, croons, caresses.
The father holds them both,
Smiling tremulously,
Eyes shining with unshed tears,
And reaches out a massive finger,
To touch his daughter's tiny hand.


Burn Unit 0900
The tiny burned baby lies screaming.
The nurse hovers over him, cooing.
She reaches out a gentle hand to touch
A downy cheek,
Soft as a kitten's fur.
But she cannot hold him against her heart,
And the baby screams on.


MICU 1400
With alarms shrieking and monitors shrilling,
A man dies.
A tidal wave converges to his body,
Pagers blaring,
Charging footsteps echoing in the long hallways.
The flash of bright needles,
The violence of compression
(Can you hear the ribs breaking?)
The arching of a body under electric current,
The Defeat of Death.
An hour later he dies again, permanently.


SICU 1600
Under dim lights
There is an indecipherable, still shape
Hidden by the stark white blanket.
Innumerable tubes snake into it,
Into every natural and manmade orifice.
These tubes maintain and regulate life.
Monitors trace their patterns
In bright neon green on black screens.
There is no sound or movement
But that of machine.
Yet a lovely brown high arched foot sticks out,
With pink painted toe nails.


HemOnc Dusk
The Doctor leans forehead first into the wall.
His body shudders as he silently weeps.
Inside the room the death watch drags on.
She is eighteen.
Only eighteen.
For two weeks she has cried, begged,
Screamed
For the pain to stop,
As the infections wrack her enfeebled body.
Her body wasted,weak, failing,
Lips bloated from the systemic fungus infection,
In the war against leukemia
NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING
Helped.
Outside, through the window,
Far above, the first star shines.
Star Light, Star Bright,
First Star I see tonight-
I wish I may I wish I might-
Can my daughter die tonight?
An ominous stillness claims her that day.
Her parents hold her for eternal hours
As she finally slowly slips from life.
And in the hallway, a doctor weeps.

[duchess of malfi]

A Meditation
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A great fear is choking my heart --
My soul feels as if its being ripped apart.
What can I do?
What can I say?
Confusion is clouding my mind.
And I simply cannot find
An easy way, or any way,
In which to ease my heart.

I remember the fire and magic
Which between us used to lie~
Can it be there again?
I remember laughter and joy
love and passion
shared dreams and tears
That I thought would last for many years.
Can they be, again?
Are they still alive, hiding~
Waiting for an easier day?
Neither one of us can say.
Can fire, magic~great love truly die?
or do they simply submerge under layers of life?
My body aches for your caresses,
My soul aches for your warm words.
I love you yet, after all that has happened.
But you do not love me.

What should I do?
Shall I hold on because of my passion?
What should I say?
Shall I release you, as is your due?
What can one do when one still feels
fire and magic
Stirring deep in one's soul
But when the loved one loves no longer?
Confusion blocks my mind,
Anger and sadness dull my heart.

If only I could Douse the flames,
Murder the magic...

[[Syl]]

outstanding. i'd write some glowing praise, but now i'm way too depressed.

[duchess of malfi]

To My Father

Trapped for life inside of a cage,
Bars forged from lonliness, honor, and duty.
I will die alone like you.

[duchess of malfi]

TWO

When we come together, my awareness of the world fades away
There is your strong body against mine
Your arms enveloping me in protective warmth
Your heart beating against my cheek
Your eyes shining with masculine heat
Your hands against my back
And when our lips finally meet
Intermingled with your hot sweet breath
There is a dream of distant spring

[Fist and Faith]

I'm with Syl, as I've told you before. A big , and a big

[duchess of malfi]

I wish I had a paintbox
Containing every shade -
Hues and colors for everything
From open field to forest glade.

And what would I do with this batch of paint?
Tints and colors of every variety?
Why, of course, I'd paint the world
In all its notoriety.

But this box I'll never have,
And I'm not sure it should be desired
For no mortal could do this job,
No matter how inspired.

[duchess of malfi]

The old gnarled oak tree
Stands alone against the sky,
Beckoning to me.

[duchess of malfi]

Petals fluttering
In a soft early spring breeze,
The apple blossoms
Release their seductive scent
For all who share in the morn.

[duchess of malfi]

The old letters stand in a pile on the desk,
Yellow and withered,
Thoughts of long-ago yesterdays.
They sit ignored, like old brown leaves,
Memories of time and life lost and unrecoverable.

[duchess of malfi]

Time is a river
Flowing gently between its banks,
Passing slowly by
Without a second glance.

[duchess of malfi]

Pull up into a frozen parking lot.
There is a spray of slush as you skid.
Get out into the frigid air.
Swear and shiver as you breathe two lungfulls of frozen nitrogen.
Duck under the tacky barrier into the tree lot.
Swear at the miserable specimens huddled together in the cold,
Frozen to the ice,
Half covered with snow.
You try to pick one up.
Calculate where each twisted branch will be when it thaws.
Finally one is chosen.
You pay the drunken man.
Half drag/half carry the frozen prickle tree...
Put it in the back, or maybe tie it to the roof of your Neon.
Swear at the puncture wounds bleeding on your hands.
Start the car.
It stalls.
Swear again.
This time it starts true.
Pull away, skidding on the ice.
Reach home.
Get the cursed thing inside,
Breaking a half dozen branches
As you put it into the bathtub to thaw.
Rummage thorugh the attic
In the far corner is found the tree stand.
Two dozen more bleeding pickles in your hands
As the tree is wrestled in.
Your wife laughs that it is crooked.
You swear under your breath and fix it as the children giggle.
Finally done.
You sit and read the newspaper.
The wife and kids decorate, laughing.
They sing carols.
You watch the news.
Sigh.
Ignore them.

[ShadowLurker]

Duchess, these are all so wonderful. Honest and sad, and yet also triumphant from one who has walked through pain. We all carry within us our private hurts, I know I do. To be able to put it down on paper is a gift few people are given.

We are the lucky ones.

Thank you for sharing these, Duchess. You ease my pain as you ease your own with these writings.

[duchess of malfi]

So far, so far, so far
From lush green mountains
So far, so far, so far
From brown frothing streams
So far, so far, so far
From the homes of my forebears
How did I come to be sent across the sea?

So much is strange here in desert lands
With the endless horizons
And the cold night stars.
The women, engulfed in veils,
Making sooty fires to warm their children.

So far, so far, so far
From hills blanketed with dogwood
So far, so far, so far
From mist shrouded trees
So far, so far, so far
From my family
How did I come to be sent to such a barren land?

Life is so different in this place,
Instead of corn people grow goats
And even death comes so strangely
With blood, bullets, burns, battle
And war planes falling from the sky.

So far, so far, so far
From cold mountain springs
So far, so far, so far
From hymns sung in my boyhood
So far, so far, so far
From the snug log cabin
That sheltered little children from the snow.

Will I ever see those green hills again?
Hold my dear mother against my heart?
Laugh with my brothers and sisters?
See a face that moves me with its feminine beauty?
Until they send me home, I must go on.


To my father, who went from his childhood home in the green and wooded hills in West Virginia to the deserts of northern Africa as part of the Army Air Force in WW2. The memories of the sooty fires and veiled women are among the few wartime experiences he was ever willing to talk about, as he experienced (and wished always to forget) the fighting in northern Afica, and the Allied invasion of Italy.

[duchess of malfi]

a dream



I dreamed of you last night.

We sat together at a little table in a bistro.
We were laughing.
Your face glowed with happiness, your eyes shone.
We ate from each other's plates, and sipped golden wine.

I dreamed of you last night.

When I awoke, tears were running down my face.

[Avatar]

I particularly like the Scenes from Ann Arbour.

Beautifully done, and thanks for bumping this.

--A