So thankful all went well. Home is the place to be when you feel like a truck parked on you all night, which is probably how you feel. Unless the drugs are really good....
Time for me to rant.
I've been teaching for a number of years. A two-digit number. I have never had a class in it with more kids who have zero empathy, zero self-control, zero filter on what to say and when to say it. I was seriously wondering this morning if one of them is actually a sociopath. He's the worst, followed by a set of twins whose behavior level is that of Kindergartners, followed by two kids who can't seem to make a good choice if their life depended on it, and then some kids who would probably be fine if there weren't a handful of psychos disturbing the peace all the time. The tears, the meltdowns, the fistfights, the drama. I have had more kids in the principal's office in a week than in entire years of teaching. And this, week after week after week.
Last week, I felt like I was going to lose my s***, and it might be best for all involved if I just quit before I do. I wonder if I am toxic.
That isn't the feedback I am getting though, so I am trying to distance myself emotionally from the disrespect and meanness. I am teaching Bible lessons on being a good Samaritan. I am trying to encourage the few really super sweet kids who don't misbehave and are actually interested in learning something other than how to make their classmates cry or fight.
For a number of years, I've been asking God why I am teaching in a school with mostly rich and privileged kids anyway. There are scads of orphans and vulnerable children whose needs are more obvious... This week when I was at my lowest, I was asked to talk to someone about working in their startup school for vulnerable children. They work with prostitutes and trafficked girls. They find homes for unwanted babies, and have adopted some themselves. I admire and believe in their work. But.
There are other factors at play here, so I will keep you posted. I'm going to have a sitdown with them this week, hopefully. It would be a big change for me to leave the school I have loved teaching at and been grateful for for 12 years. But it might just be time.
TL,DR: I'm too stressed and thinking about a job change.
