Book Ten - What happened?

[Revan]

Can someone tell me what happened in this book? As far as I'm concerned, nothing happens, nothing progresses... From start to finish, nothing special happens... which is annoying. And stupid... Rand features in about 4 pages, which is stupid. I mean there was a whole chapter on how the army was going to be fed, and getting grain and so forth, am I thie only one who has a problem with this?

[Avatar]

I doubt it. Plenty of complaints all round about the excrutiating detail and lack of significant plot progress.

I still like them, and I'll still read them, (probably over and over), but it has slipped a bit. Still, writing them must be a difficult undertaking in any sense.

I wonder if he hasn't fallen into the trap of trying to make every aspect of his world known?

--Avatar

[Revan]

yeah...I really do wonder who on earth Robert Jordan is going to be able to finish these books in two more...

[kevinswatch]

nothing happens, nothing progresses...

Nope, you got it right. Absolutely nothing happens at all. Which really pissed me off. And a lot of other people I think. I think the only people who didn't see a problem with Book 10 are the hard core WoT freaks who visit WoTMania every day, heh.

But seriously, yeah, I was more pissed off at the fact that Jordan went BACK in time for Book 10, to describe what everyone was doing when Rand was

Spoiler

You know, cleaning the taint and all.

And it seems like every single page some character in Book 10 was saying "I sense a large use of power in the distance. I wonder what it is. La la la."

So yeah, that's my rant on Book 10. Which was crap.

If you're up for a good laugh, go to Amazon.com and read all of the reviews for Book 10. Some of them are really funny. A lot of people really bash into RJ for writting such crap. And then there are the few who are like "Shut up! That book was awesome! It was the best of all time!!!" Heh.-jay

[duchess of malfi]

At the end of book 9 I really thought RJ was getting his story moving again....

That's my main complaint about this series, by the way-- I want him to finish the thing. When he sets his mind to it, he can write individual scenes with the best of them -- but he can also really pad things out with a lot of desciption that is, in my mind, unnecessary -- especially in chapters with the girls.

[I'm Murrin]

The only part of CoT in which I saw any merit was Mat's storyline, which, while also devoid of action, actually progressed his romance with Tuon quite significantly. The rest of the book was minor details that did not need to be stretched out so much (for example, Logain's storyline did not need to be shown so fully - it could easily have just done the Loial/Karldin bit and missed out the rest up to the point where he meets Rand).

[kevinswatch]

Haha. I was reading some of the reviews on Amazon.com again, and they're just hilarious sometimes. Check it out if you're bored sometime. There are about 2000 of them, so you'll never run out, heh. And most of them completely trash the book.

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/ ... s&n=507846

Have fun! Heh.

-jay

[Alynna Lis Eachann]

You know what I have cleverly done that you folks have not? I have stopped reading these stupid boring long-buck books! Stopped!

The above is one of the reviews... and it's precisely what I did. Only reason I know what happened in Book 9 was because I bugged Jay until he told me.

LOL, my mom, on the other hand, has just recently gotten addicted to them. Go figure.

[kevinswatch]

^Haha. Yeah.

I think for the next book you should be forced to read it and then let me know if it's a pile of crap or not. Heh.

I love one of the reviews on the second page...

"If a review was written like the book..."

I shook my head incredulously. Light, of all the bloody ashes... I look over to the book. It lies there, as plain as it ever been, as plain as the horns on a trolloc. 700 pages. 700 bloody pages?! Blood and ashes. Of all the boneheaded, stubborn things... Well, there's nothing for it now, I decided, and with a sniff of my nose I looked up from the book, and with a hard sniff, a sniff that in Ebon Dar might make strong men faint and women gasp, I turned sternly towards the keyboard. A memory flashed in my head unbidden. I am not sure where it came from; it could be from any of the nine books that I read before in this series, memories that would have been long resting in the cold, return shelves of the library, or in the scandalous embrace of another. "Blood and ashes," I muttered through my teeth, and despite the gentle weather, I shivered and drew my coat closer to me, folding it carefully.

"I never saw run-on sentences before that extended this long," I brooded darkly. That is, if a reader can brood, and I detected a twinkie in the hard, frozen reaches of my freezer. Readers are just supposed to FAWN at Robert Jordan, and this is most decidedly out of the ordinary. "I am going to write the review," I decided, and light be blasted! But what is it that the review needed? Is it a woman? I frowned, and wringled my nose, a move that is more a force of habit than out of irritation. Women! What does Robert Jordan find so hard to understand about them? I wondered. Light! By the way he talks about them once every paragraph, this novel is more fit as the pre-puberty study of a taraboner stable boy than a fantasy novel! I shook my head, quickly banishing the thought. No, no... perhaps there is some grander conspiracy at work here... The ageless face of an Aes Sedai looked out at my memory, laughing at me, tugging suggestively on my lower intestine and her braid at the same time.

That did it, I decided, I'm really going write a review this time. The memory at the edge of my consciousness tugged again at her braid, hard, and bit her lip as hard as she can. Light, would that woman ever shut up? Women. I can never understand them. I've decided to read the words more carefully, however, the names just started to give me a headache. Bevedine or Beradine? or maybe it is Bevin and Moadine and veradine and bevelleihillbillienineOtwoOneOdine. I can never remember their faces. Only the songs, like some rude limerick, ring mockingly at my ears... "There once was a man with a name like Jordan, sold his book and want to be like Tolkien, so he went out one day and started to write, and next thing you know he screwed the children of light... whitecloaks that is, Altarian sea... "

I sighed, put down my keyboard, and rubbed my eyes. Light! I must be getting on with the review.

CHAPTER ONE: TIME TO BE GONE

The Wheel of Time turns, and Books come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Book that gave it birth comes again. In one Book, called the Tenth Book by some, a Book yet to be written, a Book already burned, a yawn rose in the Crossroads of Twilight. The Yawn is not the beginning, there are neither beginning nor endings in the Wheel of Time (not if Jordan is still paid by the word.) But it is a beginning.

BEGIN REAL REVIEW

OK look here guys, I admit, the first few books had been fun. And you know why? I got one word for you. DragonBall. It is pretty cool when Goku went out and kicked some ass each episode huh? Yeah, one forsaken each book. Super Rand attack. But let's face it. There's only so much that he can DO, before we realized that the Wheel of Time is about as complicated as Pokemon when they are still out there collecting Gym Badges. "I defeat the Aiel Guardian! I receive power-up -- Heron Mark V. 2!"

Yeah. The guy is running out of ideas.

So what does he do? Can he save some shred of dignity and credibility by ending the series gracefully, in an ultimate episode of Wheel of Time Extreme! (tm) and a final showdown between Super Rand W and the Dark One?

No.

He tries to make it into a series of intrigue, of mystery, of boring dialogue.

Which is pretty sad folks. I mean, that kind of depth takes PLANNING. It takes EFFORT. Also, it takes the wisdom of seeing a dead horse, and refrain from beating it.

If you want an in-depth novel, I would suggest Gene Wolfe. Now that is complexity without obfusication, and true depth folks. This book is like watching the Thought of the Day from the Jerry Springer Show.

Hehe.-jay

[saera]

Great review!

[tallan]

I find it pretty amusing that we had a guy over at TarValon.net -- yeah, I know, but I'm really just there for the people! -- who posted a thread about how he can't call himself a WoT fan anymore. And all the replies, except for one or two, were like "yeah, me neither".

[Revan]

CHAPTER ONE: TIME TO BE GONE

The Wheel of Time turns, and Books come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Book that gave it birth comes again. In one Book, called the Tenth Book by some, a Book yet to be written, a Book already burned.

ROTFLMAO!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

If tarmon gaidon doesn't come soon, the world might just collapse under the weigh of all the cardboard charaters and trite phrases that have appeared in the last three books.

hehe, this one is funny also.

[Revan]

Gart: Did you read book 10 yet?
Darth Revan: Min's a cutie.
Darth Revan: Yeah.
Darth Revan: I had the misfortune of reading that dog piss.
Gart: Words fail me...
Gart: That's five or six hours of my life I'll never get back
Darth Revan:
Darth Revan: I know.. he robbed us of those precious hours,
Darth Revan: I mean I could have been doing anything during the time Jordan robbed off me in that book.
Darth Revan: It was appalling.
Gart: I could've watched grass grow, or something...
Darth Revan: ROFLMAO!!!!
Darth Revan: I know... To think I could have been watching the paint dry...
Gart: LOL
Gart: or my car rusting...
Darth Revan: LOL!

[Encryptic]

I'll just add my voice to the overwhelming chorus of "Crossroads of Twilight sucked" and leave it at that.

[Variol Farseer]

If you're up for a good laugh, go to Amazon.com and read all of the reviews for Book 10. Some of them are really funny. A lot of people really bash into RJ for writting such crap. And then there are the few who are like "Shut up! That book was awesome! It was the best of all time!!!" Heh.-jay

You're a mean man, Jay. I followed your advice last night, and look what I got for it: I laughed until my sides exploded, spilled my internal organs all over the carpet, and it took me so long to stitch myself back together again that I was almost late for work.

You may safely guess that this language is figurative.

But the almost-late-for-work part was literal. If Jordan could write half as well as some of those reviewers, well, he wouldn't get those reviews.

(I know, it's much harder to write three million words of fiction at the same consistent quality level. Many people can be very eloquent for a minute or two, but can't keep it up for a whole book. But dash it, it shouldn't be necessary to take three million words for a story like Jordan's.)

[onewyteduck]

To show I'm on the same page, yeah book 10 sucked. But to be perfectly honest, I started to get a little fed up in book 8!

[Iryssa]

Yeah, me too...I'm still working on book ten, actually...just because I've been bored by it at least a dozen times.