The Two Commandments

Post by **Sheol** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:21 am

I recently got George Carlin's new book, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?, and I came across his revised list of the Commandments. The first was Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie. The socons was Thou shalt try really hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different avenger than the one you pray to. I didn't post this to offend anybody, I just thought it was kind of humorous. If you heard the reasons he gave you would find it funny too.

Post by **Avatar** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 6:14 am

Why not include the reasons then? Not that I didn't find it slightly amusing, but why deprive us of the full extent of the humour of it?

--Avatar

Post by **[Syl]** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:16 pm

Maybe so as to not deprive Carlin of royalties?

Post by **Invain** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 3:40 pm

Thou shalt try really hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different avenger than the one you pray to.

The sad part is that it's what many people believe in, even though they would never admit it.

Post by **Sheol** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:13 pm

I would have posted more of it but it was getting late and I am kinda lazy. I would post it now but I don't have the book here with me. Why don't you go pick one up for your self, you mint like it.

Post by **Avatar** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 4:48 am

Invain wrote:
Thou shalt try really hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different avenger than the one you pray to.
The sad part is that it's what many people believe in, even though they would never admit it.

It certainly seems that it's the way many people seem to operate anyway.

Humanity...

Sheol-- I'll keep an eye out for it. Laziness, I can always sympathise with.

--Avatar

Post by **Sheol** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 5:00 am

The entire thing is about 4 pages long and I am not quite up to that kind of work out. If I ever gain any ambition I might just summerize it for you guys, but don't count on it.

Post by **Avatar** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 5:10 am

I won't hold my breath.

--A

Post by **theDespiser** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:56 am

His main question was "why 10 commandments? why not 11 or 9? Do we really need 10?"

and he proceeded to go over all the commandments, pointing out what he thought they were really saying, and eliminated some and condensed the rest...

the first 3 he eliminated were Thou shalt not take the lords name in vain, Thou shalt keep holy the sabbath, and thou shalt not have another god before me, or whatever it is...basically, those 3 are designed to scare and control primitive people, and didnt apply to todays society, so they were thrown out

Honor thy father and mother-about obedience to authority...he went on to say that respect should be earned, not granted automatically, so this one is thrown out as well, leaving 6...

Thou shalt not steal and Thou shalt not bear false witness, which covers lying stealing, which he says cover the same sort of behavior, dishonesty...so he comes up with thou shalt not be dishonest...now you have five...

Thou shalt not commit adultery and Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife...they both cover the same thing, so he comes up with Thou shalt not be unfaithful...but that sorta covers the same ground as the previous "Thou shalt not be dishonest", so he combines the two to make "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful", so that leaves 3

Thou shalt not kill-murder..religion never had a problem with murder...more people have been killed in the name of god than any other reason...'apparently, according to religious folks, especially the truly devout, murder is negotiable...it just depends on whos doing the killing and whos being killed...

so that leaves 2 Commandments, the ones that were posted in the first post: Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie and Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible avenger than the one you pray to.

he then goes on to add another one: Keep thy religion to thyself

pretty good rant...

but overall the book wasnt as funny as id hoped it would be...just made ya think about some stuff

Post by **Avatar** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 4:58 am

Thanks Despiser.

Actually, his reasoning makes pretty good sense to me. And I enjoyed your summary as well.

--A

Post by **matrixman** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 5:40 am

George Carlin is one of the sanest people on the planet.

Post by **Avatar** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:05 am

Not that that's necessarily saying much?

--A

Post by **theDespiser** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 2:49 am

heh, yeah, recent history, if not ALL of recorded history, has shown that humans very rarely act in a sane manner...

Post by **theDespiser** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 2:51 am

and after re-reading my post, it seemed as if i was saying some of the stuff that i posted, when in actuality, i was just related what Carlin said in the book...none of that, except my thoughts on the book itself, were my thoughts...

well, not ORIGINALLY, but yes, they do make sense

Post by **Avatar** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:19 am

Don't worry about it, I knew you were simply summarising. But yes, they do make sense.

--Avatar

Post by **Sheol** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:37 am

Wow, that is what ambition looks like. Good for you. Something I would like to add is that he said they chose 10 and not 11 or 9 because it was a more pleasing number. It sounds official and people liked it more. He also said it was basicly a marketing decision. And I agree with you, the book wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. There were a few parts that left me in stiches and that is what made it worth it. I also noticed that he had a lot of the same stuff in that book that he did in Brain Dropping. Another thing about it was that he had more stuff about euphimisms than I wanted.

Post by **Avatar** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:45 am

Sheol wrote:Wow, that is what ambition looks like. Good for you.

At least now you'll be able to recognise it.

--A

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

The Two Commandments

The Two Commandments