Love and dignity.

[firelion]

I don't know if this will mean as much to you as it does to me.I live in a place where you can still find some decent salt of the earth people.One of the greatest influences in my life has been my grandmother and grandfather,mawmaw is 78,and pawpaw is 82.They are elderly in the sense of age and appearance,but there capacity to enjoy life and there love and decency is such an inspiration.Here is the catch,they take care of my 98 year old great grandmother-who due to a stroke and advanced age is nearly helpless,and my grandmothers three siblings who all live within 15 miles(my great grandmother had 15 children in all,3 died in infancy,3 have died in the last 10 years,and 5 live out of state)never offer anymore help than babysitting while my grandparents go to the doctor etc.My great grandmother can no longer speak due to the stroke and has some paralysis,she must be wheeled to the bathroom,moved from chair to toilet and back,her food has to be put in a food processor because her swallowing reflex is weak,she has to be gotten out of bed every morning,dressed,and bathed,and my grandmother has to help her with one of the few things in life she still enjoys-the occasional dip of snuff-my grandmother puts the nasty powder in her mouth with a spoon and sits with her and wipes off the spittle that runs out of the paralyzed side of her mouth(is this not love?).Even with all this responsibility(in what should be their "golden years")they still feel the need to raise a garden every year,not just a garden for necessity,but a garden out of love, allways planting enough to have plenty to share.One of their joys in life are my children,their great grandchildren-who they try to spoil-and my children love them-they love their mawmaw Wilma and pawpaw Huston.And although they don't have a lot of money they give in ways that money does not hold a candle to.They would do anything for anybody,my grandfather with his bad back and pacemaker would break his back or burst his heart if you did not stop him,I can't tell you how many times I have chastised him for over doing it.When I have a project,he always wants to help,and when I help him around the house,he acts as if he has to prove that he is strong and able(often overdoing it,and I find out later from my grandmother that he took several tylenol and laid around for the rest of the day)And in the face of all my grandmothers responsibilities,she often calls and asks what I would like for supper (I usually opt for one of my three favorites,her specialties:fried chicken,chicken fried steak,or chicken and dumplings).In this I have no guilt-because I know this is enjoyment to her,not work.My family arrives and she has four pots on the stove,biscuits in the oven and the table already set.We eat,offer to wash the dishes,to which she allways replies"yall just go sit down,I'll get it after yall leave"this we ignore and go to cleaning the kitchen anyway,which I think kind of ticks her off.I have such love for my grandparents that I needed to share it with someone,a tribute if you will.They have taught me so much of love,dignity and responsibility.I hope some of you have had people in your lives that bring tears to your eyes when you think about them,tears of love.

[Avatar]

A great post FireLion, and a beautiful story. The thing with those decent, salt of the earth people, is that they are actually everywhere. The only people who know about them are the one's whose lives they touch, and to them, that is probably more than enough recognition.

And it's warming to know that you appreciate this all while hey are still with you. Far too often, it is only after death has stretched that tie, that we realise how blessed we truly were.

Unfortunately, it occurs to me that we seem to be slowly "breeding" out that tendency of people to be as you describe them. The importance of hospitality, of generosity, seems to be subsumed in the "I got mine, and that's what counts" mentality that is becoming all too prevelant.

Your grandparents sound like wonderful people. And I'm reminded of Kahlil Gibran, who wrote:

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give...

...There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

Peace
--Avatar

[ChoChiyo]

Firelion--beautiful.

It reminds me of my sweet little great-grandma.

I regret not spending more time with that dear lady while she was on earth.

Ten minutes after I'd walk into her house (unexpectedly) she had a ten course meal on the table. Heh heh

She loved to cook and crochet.

[Fist and Faith]

firelion, thanks for telling us about your grandparents!! Maybe those of us who are not naturally as giving as they are can remember them, and be inspired beyond our selfishness from time to time. They are amazing people!

And I looooooooooooooooooooooove chicken and dumplings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kymbierlee]

Beautiful post Firelion- it reminds me I need to go visit my grandparents.

[Loredoctor]

That was a lovely post, Firelion! Thank you for sharing you beautiful story. I miss my Grandparents very much - they have been gone for over 15 years. You are very lucky to have such kind grandparents.

[drew]

Thanks Firelion.
You helped me remember to think about my grandparents more often.
Although, all four are now passed on..I feel that I have a peice of each of them in me, and I'm blessed for having known them, at least for a short while.
Too many times, people are quick to dissmiss the elderly as invalids, or incompitants, it's great when we see people who think otherwise. Although not everyone's grandparents are saints, most of them have lived through times of trouble and bleakness, and it made them better people for the most part.
Today during some downtime at work, I had a nice (although one-sided) conversation with my gradnfather, who dies 4 years ago, it was great.
So thanks again Firelion...and welcome to the Watch!!

[Baradakas]

Fantastic post Firelion! Your grandparents remind me of my mother in many ways. Her kindness, sharing and refusal of help (she has reflex sympathetic dystrophy), are a matter of positive reflection, and often enough, frustration. Thank you for this uplifting topic. I would like to reiterate the opportunity for everyone else to post about someone that enlightens them like this, and firelion, thanks again!

-B

[Sheol]

I can't say anything like that about myself, I got here to late. My grandmother died right before I was born and I regret not being able to have met her. My family always talks about her and what a great person she was. She was a good old salt of the earth person who would do anything to help anybody. She lived most of her life on our family ranch where times were hard. After she had her last child she got into a rut of depression (my family said it was baby blues???) and was put in a hospital (that was not all that aflicted her though; my aunt told me about her first memory of when she was sitting in a room with her mother who was throwing knives at a magazine cover that was taped on the wall and screaming at it to stop talking to her). They didn't know what was wrong with her so they gave her shock treatment. They placed a mouth peace in her mouth but when she was getting shocked she bit down so hard she ruined all her teath. With all of her teeth gone and the depression fading she was returned home. She never asked for help with anything just like before, she didn't let it affect her. She led a good life untill she got older. She developed alsheimers (sp???); it seemed that the tabled turned on her. She couldn't remember anything but her only son; he yelled at once an had hit her and after that she was always afraid of him. My grandfather was devistated because of it, it seemed that it broke his heart. He couldn't stand to see his wife this way and frequently broke out in fits of anger. Before she lost most of her motor functions she would put a glass of milk under her bed to feed the "little mes." Eventually the milk would spoil and my grandfather would find it and get angry. Later on when it would get worse she would soil herself on accident. Two of my cousins (the whole family lived on our ranch so we could always see them when we wanted to) would go visit my grandmother every day and just talk to her or sit with her. When she would soil herself they knew grandpa would get upset so they would clean her up and change her so he wouldn't know. My grandpa died when I was five and I did get to know him. He was a good man who had nothing but love for his family. I would go and see him every day when I got old enough. And every time I went to see him he gave me a Dr Pepper and a Snickers bar (still what I eat and drink to this day). That is all I remember of him now (after a few good falls I now have the inability to recall any memories of before I was five) and I cherish those memories. His brother was another good man. He ran into a burning house to save two children and managed to get them out. While the doctors tended the two children he just sat outside with the burned flesh dripping off his legs. One of the children died hours after the fire from smoke inhalation and the other went about two weeks later becuase of the same thing. He died one month after the fire. Those are the good old salt of the earth people I know of and I wish I was as capable of such love.

[Avatar]

I think that anyone is capable of it. It all comes down to motivation though. Some need more than others. They need it to be a friend or a family member. Some, like for example your grandfathers brother, transcend even those distinctions and count every life as valuable, if not more, than their own.

And that is another example of what we seem to be losing these days. The willingness of people to help others. Sure, there are many, many people who do all that they can, whenever they can, but it sometimes seems to be a diminishing trait.

The spirit of community which was once so important, seems to have closed it's circle to the extended family now, and perhaps will tighten even further to just the individual one day.

Nice sig by the way.

--Avatar

[duchess of malfi]

Firelion, that is a beautiful story, and I am glad that you have such lovely people in your family! Thank you for sharing!!!