I think I'm losing my mind....

[Rowan]

It has been at least 15 years since my first reading of the TC series. Before opening the new book, I decided to reread the first 6 books. It has been a rather interesting experience for me and I wondered if anyone else had had the same things happen to them. I'm not sure I can find the words for everything I'm feeling and thinking, but I'm going to give it a try.

The first thing I should mention is that I honestly don't remember much about the first time I read the books except that they were all but impossible for me to put down, even for a short period of time. One of my students had loaned me her copy of LFB. It didn't take long for me to realize how good it was and of course I bought the rest of the series and read them as fast as I could. I also remember how conflicted I felt at times, hating TC at one point or another and then feeling so much empathy for him at others.

Now almost 20 years later, I am a different person and the books are affecting me in very unexpected ways. At times, I wish The Land was a real place because I want to go there so bad. Of course I mean, pre-Sunbane time. Its almost a longing I have to be there. There is just something so special and beautiful about how the people relate to and respect their world. I want to know people like that. I love this planet and its painful to watch how we treat it. Yes, I am one of those tree-hugging nature lovers. I think I would have been a very good forestal. I wish we had a few of those now to protect the wild places we have left.

Its not just a simple love of nature and wild things, but its part of my spirituality. I am pagan and the earth is a sacred, living thing for me. Oh how badly I wish that our species would make choices that took into consideration all the other species living here with us. Maybe I am too idealistic, but I truly believe we could find a way if we really wanted to. Humans are so intelligent and adaptive, we just have to want something.

Reading TWL was different this time, more than any of the other books. It hurt to read how Foul had twisted nature's laws. The Sunbane broke my heart. I cried over the loss of the great forests. I fretted and worried about how long Caer Caveral could protect Andelain. All of my love and concern about our real world is getting very much mixed up with what I am reading in the books. So mixed up, in fact, that it is sometimes hard to separate them in my mind.

The Land has The Clave, who say they are fighting the Sunbane, but are really serving and strengthening it. In our world, we have things like "Clear Skies Initiative" and "Healthy Forest Initiative". Their names make them sound environmentally friendly, but they are anything but. Our country decides not to participate in the Kyoto Agreement when we are the biggest contributor to global warming.

Am I going crazy? Has anyone else experienced this? I have never had any book or movie or song do this to me. I can't stop thinking about it.
At times, the feelings are almost overwhelming and the tears start to come. Someone please reassure me and tell me I'm not going nuts!



If nobody replies to this, I'm going to check myself into the nearest mental hospital.

[drew]

No need to check into a mental hospital..or leprosarium .I think most peopl on the Watch are in clomplete love of the Land.
You don't have to be into aternative religion (Pagan is such an ugly word!) to admire the Land in all it's beauty, or to notice the lack of said beauty in our own world. AS Mhoram said, he didn't like the sound of the word 'Scenery'.
Obvioulsy, one of the most compelling aspects of the stories, is how most readers relate to, or at least want to relate to the Land.
The first Chrons we all wanted TC to preserve the Land, and the second to return the Land to it's natural beauty, if it wasn't for the Beauty we saw, and coveted in the Land, we (as readers) wouldn't have careed so much.
A ways back in the RUnes forum, there is a thread or two asking why the Land hasn't technilogically advanced in 10 000 years..I for one would hope that if it did, there would be an Elohim appointed to stop it!!!

The only thing I can suggest to ease you your pain of living in
this world, is by coming to KEvins Watch often..it's as close as we can get!!

[wayfriend]

At times, the feelings are almost overwhelming and the tears start to come.

Oh, yeah.

SRD is very able to create these 'emotional crescendos' throughout the Chronicles. They are very deep and very strong; and very adult; I can imagine how as a teenager they are not as affecting - you understand what is happening but you don't feel the emotional implications.

The good news is it doesn't go away. If anything, it gets stronger on each reading. So don't stop at 2.

[Cail]

SRD is very able to create these 'emotional crescendos' throughout the Chronicles. They are very deep and very strong; and very adult; I can imagine how as a teenager they are not as affecting - you understand what is happening but you don't feel the emotional implications.

This is an excellent point. I first read the books as an early teen. I enjoyed them, but really missed most of the emotional impact (as well as a lot of the "texture") of the story. The nice thing is that even with multiple re-reads, I still find that I'm getting more out of them.

[Alynna Lis Eachann]

I don't know... I read them as a teenager and was very profoundly affected. The Ranyhyn and Ramen, the Bloodguard, the Giants... and Andelain; it still hurts to think of it, the last trace of the Land's beauty in the wake of the Sunbane.

I have to agree, though, that my attachment has grown as I get older (and I'm not all that far from having been a teenager, either). I mentioned in the Runes forum that I picked up LFB again... and had to put it down after a few pages because the description of Joan' s early life with Covenant affected me so deeply.

[MrKABC]

Our country decides not to participate in the Kyoto Agreement when we are the biggest contributor to global warming.

It's a GOOD thing that we are not part of the Kyoto Agreement... but that is a discussion for another forum and another time.

I first read the books when I was about 12 or so. As I re-read the series when I got older, different aspects of the series appealed to me. I loved the fidelity of the Giants, the uncomplicated existence of the Stonedowners and Woodhelvennin, the strivings of Landservice of the Lords, and the competence of the Haruchai. Seeing it all broken and undone in PTP and the Second Chronicles was hard on me at times, but "despair is maker-work" always resonated through out my readings.

That's why the books still remain on my shelves, 20+ years later, dog eared and tattered (except for the shiny new Runes book!) but still trusted old friends that will accompany me throughout life's journey.

[duchess of malfi]

No need for mental hygeine.

Every time I read the Chronicles I get more out of them. While I loved them as a teenager, many parts, such as Covenant having his baby son taken away, didn't really hit me emotionally until I reread them as a parent.

These are books that are meant to be read again and again, and as you grow in experience and in life, you will find that your understanding of the books grows right along with you.

[Avatar]

You don't have to be into aternative religion (Pagan is such an ugly word!) to admire the Land in all it's beauty, or to notice the lack of said beauty in our own world. AS Mhoram said, he didn't like the sound of the word 'Scenery'.

I don't think that it's a lack of beauty in our world, but rather that its the way we respond (or fail to respond) to it. The world is beautiful. We just have to notice it more often. And allow it to mean something to us.

(Oh yeah, I don't think "Pagan" is an ugly word at all. In fact, I quite like it. Sure, it's meant to have negative connotations, but I don't see those at all really. Rowan, I'd like to take the opportunity to invite you to The Close, (under The Collective), where you may want to contribute to some of the discussions there. In particluar, I'll point you to the thread "Kym's House of Paganism." And MrKABC, you're free to start a topic in the Think-Tank about the Kyoto Accord, You'll find plenty of willing debaters. )

--Avatar

[Rowan]

Thanks so much Avatar for pointing me to the Collective. What a treat that was!

Its very reassuring to find that I'm not the only one who has felt the effect of TC stories in their life. I could fill a book with all the emotions I've had about self-forgiveness and acceptance with this reading of the series. What a difference almost 20 years of living have made. If I could have only known then what I know now. I don't think I would want to be young again, unless I could keep everything I've learned in the last 20 years.

How does SRD do it? Its almost like sometimes he has been inside my head and knows exactly what I've been thinking and feeling. Then he just pulls it right back out from the place I thought I had it stored away. He makes me think about things that truly do matter. I am truly in awe of his writing and its affects on my mind and heart.

I am curious about why Pagan is such a bad word? I'll have to do some pondering on that

Thank you all for making me feel not quite so ..... out there!

[matrixman]

Excellent post, Rowan! I don't think you're losing your mind. You sound pretty sane to me.

The Chronicles has certainly made me a more environmentally sensitive person than any dry academic lecture or paper could have. I don't take much pride in our stewardship of planet Earth, save for things like the establishment of national parks to preserve nature as much as politics will allow. I know I'm part of the problem, too, because I'm a participant in this disposable, consumer-driven society we live in. I may like to think noble thoughts about recyclling, reducing and re-using, but I don't want to sacrifice my modern conveniences either.

Also, I would defend Rowan's right to bring up the Kyoto Accord here. SRD doesn't exist in a vacuum, and neither do the Chronicles. Has Kevin's Watch become so specialized and compartmentalized in its forums that any hint of "real world" politics must automatically be shuffled off to the Think-Tank, lest it taint the purity of TC discussions? What happened to the interconnectedness of all things?

[Avatar]

Yours too, MM, and the quote below highlights something that bothers me as well.

I know I'm part of the problem, too, because I'm a participant in this disposable, consumer-driven society we live in. I may like to think noble thoughts about recyclling, reducing and re-using, but I don't want to sacrifice my modern conveniences either.

Is there, or can there be, a middle ground? Can we deplore the abuses to the environment, which I do, and still avoid hypocrisy if, also like me, we'd prefer to maintain our comforts? Is the only way to avoid the taint of hypocrisy to give up those comforts, like Thoreau in Walden, or can we justify it by simply doing whatever we can?

It's a difficult issue for me. In theory, as long as we enjoy the "benefits" of what this destruction brings, we shouldn't be going around complaining.

As you suggest, noble thoughts are all very well, but just thoughts. The same holds true for many of our other discussions. It's easy to preach high ideals, but so often we fall short in the practice thereof.

Also, I would defend Rowan's right to bring up the Kyoto Accord here. SRD doesn't exist in a vacuum, and neither do the Chronicles. Has Kevin's Watch become so specialized and compartmentalized in its forums that any hint of "real world" politics must automatically be shuffled off to the Think-Tank, lest it taint the purity of TC discussions? What happened to the interconnectedness of all things?

I agree with you, but I think MrKABC meant the debate about participation in the Accord, etc. I think even a casual reading of any of the forums here will show that we by no means force things into relevant forums as soon as the topic wanders a bit. (Or a lot.)

It's a good question though, and one on which I'm divided. On the one hand, we can, and should be able to, discuss anything, anywhere. On the other, it does make for convenience. I'm certainly not worried about the "purity" of any topic, or forum for that matter, as should be obvious, I'll pontificate anywhere.

--Avatar

[drew]

I am curious about why Pagan is such a bad word? I'll have to do some pondering on that

I din't mean that Paganism was ugly...just the word sounds so negative.
Just trying to be politically correct...(Little person instead of midgit...vocally challanged instead of dumb) I always assumed that paganism (the word) meant not part of any major religion,so it could mean Satanism, wiccan, shamanism..stuff like that..at least that's what my wife tells me, she follows shamanism teachings.

No offence intended; if any was taken!!

[Rowan]

I was just curious. My family does not like for me to use that word. You have to understand I'm the only anarcho-liberal, pro-choice, cat-loving, non-consumer, non-Christian, self-supporting, single woman in my family. Sometimes I really wonder if I didn't get switched at birth with the "real" baby my parents gave birth to. I know they wonder too!

[drew]

I'm glad we're okay--I didn't want to make a Kevin's watch enemy!!

[MrKABC]

Avatar:

Thanks for the invitation to the Collective, I will check it out. As you can probably tell by my "location" I have a certain viewpoint on environmentalism and globalism, but I didn't want to start a debate here where we are concentrating on SRD's works and the influence of the Land upon us all.

I enjoy a good debate, and am very well read and willing to exchange viewpoints.

However, I didn't want to start a political debate here. I would much rather think about how wonderful it would be to *be* at harmony with Earthpower and use the essence in the Land and not the Land itself. Who wouldn't want to see a pre-desecration Andelain, the jewel of the Land? Witness the Celebration of Spring? When I was 12 years old and first read the Chronicles, the imagery created by the stories has been indelibly left in my mind. Having others to discuss this with is priceless.

[Avatar]

No worries. Hope to see you there.

(BTW, I actually have no idea what your "location" means )

--A

[thevaxguy]

A ways back in the RUnes forum, there is a thread or two asking why the Land hasn't technilogically advanced in 10 000 years..I for one would hope that if it did, there would be an Elohim appointed to stop it!!!

My 2 cents is that the people of the Land love the Land so much better than we love ours, that they were never compelled to adopt the Western mindset of Genesis, i.e. that we have dominion over all the earth, with all that "dominion" entails, i.e. paving paradise and putting up a parking lot. Sure, we have miraculous machines that appear to think, that take us vast distances at breathtaking speed, that enable us to rip up huge chunks of Mother and put concrete-and-glass monstrosities up in those wounds; but at what cost? Global warming, pollution, AIDS, species extinction, nuclear nightmares, ET FLIPPING CETERA. Rather, the people of the Land are much more Eastern/Native American in their approach; to quote Chief Seattle, "The earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."

[Creator]

Welcome to the Watch thevaxguy!

Welcome and be true!!!

[BTW, I didn't thinnk anyone did VAX's anymore since Compaq bought DEC and HP bought Compaq!!]

[Taiga Tzu]

Rowan, I do not know why you are concerned for your sanity. You sound like the sanest human here. And I quite agree that you would have made a great Forestal! Ah, if there had been just a few more of us!!!

[matrixman]

Good words from thevaxguy. Welcome to the Watch!

And Taiga Tzu graces us with a rare appearance!