Disclaimer: This thread is not posted to criticise religious people, but only to warn, that taking the Good Book to literally can backfire quite severely. That, and it is extremely funny and delightfully sarcastic. It was brought to my attention by a Norwegian colleague, and is the response of a Norwegian homosexual to two Norwegian clerics, having said that homosexuals should not be allowed marriage, because it was an abomination onto The Lord. I do, however, suspect, that it was originally in American, due to the reference to hands touching a football! Now THAT is an abomination to a European

Dear reverent Moegster and Bishop Bondevik.
Thanks for the struggle for the true faith, and the proof that homophilia is not compatible with The Bible and Christianity. It is clearly stated in Leviticus 18/22 that homosexuality is an abomination, which pretty much ends that discussion.
However, I need some advice on how to live by God’s word:
1. Every time I make a burnt offering of an ox, I know that the smoke pleases the Lord (Leviticus 1/9). The problem is the neighbours!
2. I want to sell my daughter into slavery (Exodus 21/7). But with today’s prices, what do you figure I should charge?
3. In Leviticus 25/44 it is clearly stated, that I can own both male and female slaves, as long as they are born in a neighbouring country. A friend of mine says, that this applies only to Swedes and not Danes. I need help here…. Can I own a Dane?
4. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35/2 is quite clear that he must be slain. Am I morally responsible to do this myself?
5. Another friend of mine thinks, that even if eating crustaceans is an abomination (Leviticus 11/10), homosexuality is worse. I disagree. Who’s right?
6. In Leviticus 21/20 it is clearly stated that I should not approach the altar of God with impaired vision. I confess to being short sighted and I use glasses. Must I have 20/20 vision, or could I be cut some slack?
7. Most of my friends go to the hairdresser. They cut their hair on the side of their heads and trim the edges of their beards. This is an obvious sin according to Leviticus 19/27. How should they be punished?
8. I have read in Leviticus 11/7-8 that I must not touch the remains of a dead pig as it will render me impure. Can I still play football if I wear gloves?
9. My uncle has a farm. He is trespassing against Leviticus 19/19 because he plants two different crops on the same soil. His wife is not much better, as she wears clothes made of two different fabrics (cotton and polyester). He also has the bad habit of swearing too much. Is it really necessary that we round up the whole village to stone them? Isn’t it just as good to burn them to death in the company of the family, like we usually do with people who have slept with relatives (Leviticus 20/14)?
I know that you have researched these problems in depth, and I am sure you can help me. Thank you for your reminder that the word of God is eternal and unchangeable.
Best regards from a wondering disciple, but NOT an adoring fan.