Writing help

Post by **High Lord Tolkien** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 6:10 pm

I hope this is the correct place to ask!

There is this story that I've been writing for a number of years, every few months I write like crazy then stop cold for many more months, I'm trying to describe a scene where over 100 people all draw their swords at the same time.
It's a powerful scene of unexpected support.

What has been driving me crazy is how do I describe the sound?
Where do I even go to find out what the spelling would be to convey that sound?
Or is just explaining what is happening enough?

What do you all think?

Post by **CovenantJr** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 6:13 pm

My approach would be to describe it in terms of the emotional impact it would have on an observer or someone involved. But then that's the way I describe everything

Post by **aTOMiC** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 6:28 pm

I'm pretty sure the sound is much like a very loud "Shink!" hehe.
Seriously I would probably color the moment with some appropriate adjective laden description. "..as if through an accord forged of sudden granite, the entire host responded with one action one purpose one..." yadda yadda yadda and so on. In other words forget about the sound and focus on the meaning.

Or just say.."With a deafening SHINK a hundred swords were drawn from a hundred scabbards and thrust into the air which suddenly popped a hundred low hanging baloons."

Post by **sgt.null** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:29 pm

i agree that the visual will trump the audio...

Post by **wayfriend** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:56 pm

They could never be drawn exactly in unison. Unless your going for a campy style. So SHINK is right out.

It would be loud.

It would be like a hundred arrows striking a target, or like a hundred hammers striking an anvil, or like a hundred gauntlets striking a mailed breast, like a hundred voices crying "hail!". Loud from numbers. In unison, but not exactly simultaneous.

If a drawn sword rings, then many drawn swords would ring in harmony, or disharmoniously.

It would sound like thunder. It would sound like the roar of a cataract loosed for one moment.

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:41 pm

I'm reminded of a scene in Gates of Fire. Before a battle early in the book, the Spartans' opponents were all yelling and beating their shields. Basically, working up their courage. The Spartans, otoh, stood quietly. Though the enemy had half again as many people, both sides knew who was going to win.

You're talking about a different situation, but I think silence could work just as well:
There was no signal given; no word spoken. Yet with not the slightest hesitation, with absolute calm - and absolute conviction - the hundred drew their swords. The only sound heard was the quiet whisper of a hundred swords leaving their scabbards. High Lord Tolkien's eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

Post by **High Lord Tolkien** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:50 pm

Holy crap!
Thank you all.
Lots of good ideas and things to think about.
Fist, now I have to worry about copyright after reading what you wrote.
It instantly ingrained itself in my memory.
But like most things it will fade fast.

Thanks again, you all gave me enough to get the "fires" burning again.

Website · Post by **Khaliban** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 1:27 am

The blades appeared like a slam of applause, volume by population, the shout of a lynch-mob of swords.

Post by **CovenantJr** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:03 pm

Interestingly put.

I think the key thing, really, is to do it your own way. If you force it or try to use someone else's voice, it'll turn out worse for it. IMHO, of course.

Post by **Warmark** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:14 pm

Fist - I liked that.

Website · Post by **Khaliban** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 2:00 am

CovenantJr wrote:I think the key thing, really, is to do it your own way. If you force it or try to use someone else's voice, it'll turn out worse for it. IMHO, of course.

True enough. I just had an image I needed to get out. The important issue is not the onomatapoeia but the emotional context of the scene.

For example;

The swords crept out with a frightened murmur.

The room was filled with the rich tenor of a hundred swords crying, "Hail!" in unison.

From behind him came the heavy grunt of a hundred men yanking out their weapons.

...like the forced laughs of a billion art house movie patrons. (Futurama reference)

The commander cried out in anger. In response, a hundred swords clattered from their scabbards in unison;, because, it was hot in the tent and the soldier's hands were sweaty and they all dropped the swords at once, except for one guy near the front who tried to grab his but missed and wound up stabbing himself in the foot. He screamed in pain and hobbled around and hit the enemy commander who fell into the fire pit. The commander jumped up yelling, his clothes on fire, and ran from the tent, flailing his arms and scattering his men, until he hit a wagon loaded with black powder exploding it and himself. Not the message the soldiers wanted to send, but the enemy certainly took notice.

And so on. A strong simile or metaphor would serve best.

Post by **Avatar** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 7:25 am

--A

Post by **sgt.null** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:10 am

"a hundred swords cried like a klansman screaming about reverse racism..."

Post by **CovenantJr** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 7:06 pm

Khaliban wrote:True enough. I just had an image I needed to get out. The important issue is not the onomatapoeia but the emotional context of the scene.

Exactly. Eloquently phrased.

Khaliban wrote:The commander cried out in anger. In response, a hundred swords clattered from their scabbards in unison;, because, it was hot in the tent and the soldier's hands were sweaty and they all dropped the swords at once, except for one guy near the front who tried to grab his but missed and wound up stabbing himself in the foot. He screamed in pain and hobbled around and hit the enemy commander who fell into the fire pit. The commander jumped up yelling, his clothes on fire, and ran from the tent, flailing his arms and scattering his men, until he hit a wagon loaded with black powder exploding it and himself. Not the message the soldiers wanted to send, but the enemy certainly took notice.[/i]

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:28 am

Well, thanks to Warmark and HLT. At least some people know a good thing when they see it!

:LOLS:

Post by **Dragonlily** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 1:48 am

Fist and Faith wrote:There was no signal given; no word spoken. Yet with not the slightest hesitation, with absolute calm - and absolute conviction - the hundred drew their swords. The only sound heard was the quiet whisper of a hundred swords leaving their scabbards. High Lord Tolkien's eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

Wow, Fist!

Post by **Zarathustra** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 8:32 pm

There was no signal given; no word spoken. Yet with not the slightest hesitation, with absolute calm - and absolute conviction - the hundred drew their swords. The only sound heard was the quiet whisper of a hundred swords leaving their scabbards. High Lord Tolkien's eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

Damn, Fist, that was good. I'm stunned. I should have been reading this forum much sooner (and should stop wasting my time in the political forum). How long did you work on that? I love that, without any complex imagery or words you have to look up in the dictionary, you've crafted a scene that gives me goosebumps. I'm serious, that was powerful.

I think you are right on about ignoring the sound, and focusing on the emotinal impact. Very "Donaldsonian" of you.

Post by **Fist and Faith** » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:24 pm

Thanks, you two!

Post by **Prebe** » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:57 pm

Khaliban wrote:From behind him came the heavy grunt of a hundred men yanking out their weapons.

This could have been the story of a new convict taking his first shower

Post by **sgt.null** » Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:24 pm

yes, yes it could have been.

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Writing help

Writing help