The Samsarin

[Avatar]

I like it.

Could lose either the "hot" or the "livid" from the line about the magma though...both is too many. And shouldn't it be "bad enough" not "worse enough"?

Otherwise, great.

--A

[Loredoctor]

Ahh the 'hot, and livid' part is a mistake, but saying 'bad enough' seems weak. But I can see what you mean.

Thanks for your advice, Avatar!

[Avatar]

Advice is always free. If you take it, you deserve whatever you get.

--A

[I'm Murrin]

The 'livid' seems to stick out when I read that piece. Something about the sound of the word, and the tone of the line, not quite fitting.

Otherwise, I like it.

[Loredoctor]

Thanks, Murrin!