Joke de jeur or however that's spelled...
Moderator: Orlion
-
safetyjedi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 2133
- Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2005 6:47 pm
- Location: Sharps Chapel, TN USA
A Nun hailed a cab on busy Euclid Avenue. As the cab proceeded
along, the Nun noticed that the very handsome Cabbie kept star-
ing at her. She aked why he did so.
"I have a question for you," he replied. "But I don't want to offend."
"My child, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I, and have
been a Nun as long as I, you will have heard and seen just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say, or ask, that
I would find offensive."
"Well, I have always had a fantasy about having a Nun kiss me."
She responds: "Well, first, you must be Catholic. Then, you must
be single."
"Yes!" he said, excitedly. "I'm single and I'm Catholic!"
"Alright. Pull into that alley up ahead." She fulfills his fantasy by giving him a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
As they continue along the road, she noticed that he was crying.
"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Because I have to ask your forgiveness. I lied to you. I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun laughs. "That's okay! My name is Kevin and I'm on my
way to a Halloween costume party."
along, the Nun noticed that the very handsome Cabbie kept star-
ing at her. She aked why he did so.
"I have a question for you," he replied. "But I don't want to offend."
"My child, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I, and have
been a Nun as long as I, you will have heard and seen just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say, or ask, that
I would find offensive."
"Well, I have always had a fantasy about having a Nun kiss me."
She responds: "Well, first, you must be Catholic. Then, you must
be single."
"Yes!" he said, excitedly. "I'm single and I'm Catholic!"
"Alright. Pull into that alley up ahead." She fulfills his fantasy by giving him a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
As they continue along the road, she noticed that he was crying.
"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Because I have to ask your forgiveness. I lied to you. I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun laughs. "That's okay! My name is Kevin and I'm on my
way to a Halloween costume party."
Join me and we can end this destructive conflict...
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Sorus
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 13887
- Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2005 5:45 pm
- Location: the tiny calm before the storm
- Been thanked: 1 time
57 ELM STREET BETHLEHEM, PA. 11:51 P.M., DECEMBER 24TH
We're too late! It's already been here.
Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.
Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly;
stockings hung by the chimney, with care.
You really think someone's been here?
Someone ... or something.
Mulder, over here-it's a fruitcake.
Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and
nice."
It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Who? What are you talking about?
Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at
great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year,
near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged
chunks of anthracite. But that's legend, Mulder-a story told by parents
to frighten children.
Surely you don't believe it?
Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
massive-and in a hurry.
It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been
completely drained.
It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.
But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows
were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on
the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
six inches wide. Nothing could get down there.
But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?
You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my
home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur
surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and
white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.
Impossible.
I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr.
Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!
I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.
Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions?
If this gets out, they'll close the X-files.
Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when
you're awake.
But we have no proof.
Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in
the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
Condition Red.
But that was a meteor shower.
Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished
from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody-not even the
zookeeper-was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know
about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist
the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday
shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let
the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake.
They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.
Mulder, I-
Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?
On the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter.
The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.
We're too late! It's already been here.
Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.
Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly;
stockings hung by the chimney, with care.
You really think someone's been here?
Someone ... or something.
Mulder, over here-it's a fruitcake.
Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and
nice."
It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Who? What are you talking about?
Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at
great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year,
near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged
chunks of anthracite. But that's legend, Mulder-a story told by parents
to frighten children.
Surely you don't believe it?
Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
massive-and in a hurry.
It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been
completely drained.
It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.
But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows
were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on
the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
six inches wide. Nothing could get down there.
But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?
You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my
home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur
surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and
white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.
Impossible.
I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr.
Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!
I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.
Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions?
If this gets out, they'll close the X-files.
Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when
you're awake.
But we have no proof.
Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in
the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
Condition Red.
But that was a meteor shower.
Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished
from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody-not even the
zookeeper-was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know
about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist
the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday
shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let
the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake.
They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.
Mulder, I-
Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?
On the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter.
The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.
Oh, a change is coming, feel these doors now closing
Is there no world for tomorrow, if we wait for today?
-
Alynna Lis Eachann
- Lord
- Posts: 3060
- Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2002 8:23 pm
- Location: Maryland, my Maryland
Just read that, Sorus. Nice! Here's something I just got forwarded. Don't get offended until you've read the last paragraph.
Self-evident logic, or The History of Mankind:
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, physicians, dentists, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history :
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.
"We probably could have saved ourselves, but we were too damned lazy to try very hard... and too damn cheap." - Kurt Vonnegut
"Now if you remember all great paintings have an element of tragedy to them. Uh, for instance if you remember from last week, the unicorn was stuck on the aircraft carrier and couldn't get off. That was very sad. " - Kids in the Hall
"Now if you remember all great paintings have an element of tragedy to them. Uh, for instance if you remember from last week, the unicorn was stuck on the aircraft carrier and couldn't get off. That was very sad. " - Kids in the Hall
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I'm Murrin
- Are you?
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The Laughing Man
- The Gap Into Spam
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dANdeLION
- Lord
- Posts: 23836
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The chief of staff informed pres. Bush today the three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in combat with Iraqi insurgents. Bush gaped at the man, and then put his head in his hands. The cabinet was stunned; they had never seen Bush so shaken before. Finally, bush lifted his head and said "My God......how many is a brazillion?"
Last edited by dANdeLION on Wed Jun 21, 2006 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
*
* This post carries Jay's seal of approval
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
* * This post carries Jay's seal of approval
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Sunbaneglasses
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 2460
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duchess of malfi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11104
- Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2002 9:20 pm
- Location: Michigan, USA
Might be offensive to some men:
This Is Only a Fairy Tale
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly a very tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband!" said the wife.
The fairy waved her magic wand and POOF!!!
two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxery liner appeared in the wife's hands.
Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said, " Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy and the wife were deeply diappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy waved her magic wand and POOF!!!
the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
Spoiler
This Is Only a Fairy Tale
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly a very tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband!" said the wife.
The fairy waved her magic wand and POOF!!!
two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxery liner appeared in the wife's hands.
Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said, " Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy and the wife were deeply diappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy waved her magic wand and POOF!!!
the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
Love as thou wilt.
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Loredoctor
- Lord
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- Contact:
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dANdeLION
- Lord
- Posts: 23836
- Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 3:22 am
- Location: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
- Contact:
Monday, during my physical, the doc asked me to turn my head and cough. I looked down and said, "hey, I thought I lost those in the divorce".
baDUMbum.
baDUMbum.
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
*
* This post carries Jay's seal of approval
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
* * This post carries Jay's seal of approval
-
Loredoctor
- Lord
- Posts: 18609
- Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2002 11:35 pm
- Location: Melbourne, Victoria
- Contact:
dANdeLION wrote:Monday, during my physical, the doc asked me to turn my head and cough. I looked down and said, "hey, I thought I lost those in the divorce".
baDUMbum.
Ahhh comedy. "A naked man walks into a psychiatrist's office with a . . . "
Waddley wrote:your Highness Sir Dr. Loredoctor, PhD, Esq, the Magnificent, First of his name, Second Cousin of Dragons, White-Gold-Plate Wielder!
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danlo
- Lord
- Posts: 20838
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- Location: Albuquerque NM
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- Contact:
Biting
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
fall far and well Pilots!
dANdeLION wrote:The chief of staff informed pres. Bush today the three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in combat with Iraqi insurgents. Bush gaped at the man, and then put his head in his hands. The cabinet was stunned; they had never seen Bush so shaken before. Finally, bush lifted his head and said "My God......how many is a brazillion?"
I found this one hilarious.But if you're all about the destination, then take a fucking flight.
We're going nowhere slowly, but we're seeing all the sights.
And we're definitely going to hell, but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Full of the heavens and time.
We're going nowhere slowly, but we're seeing all the sights.
And we're definitely going to hell, but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Full of the heavens and time.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,
sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk
continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this
side either."
sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk
continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this
side either."
"Right away would be good. Right now would be better"
-- Nick Succorso
OK, so what's the speed of dark?- Larry the Cable Guy
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duchess of malfi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11104
- Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2002 9:20 pm
- Location: Michigan, USA
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben
a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so
you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mo mmy and daddy to get back
together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a
screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's
time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice
Legos instead.
Santa
______________________________________________________\
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay; I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back
door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer
fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want
to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making
low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a
blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa
______________________________ ________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please
please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second,
you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben
a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so
you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mo mmy and daddy to get back
together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a
screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's
time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice
Legos instead.
Santa
______________________________________________________\
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay; I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back
door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer
fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want
to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making
low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a
blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa
______________________________ ________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please
please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa
______________________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second,
you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love as thou wilt.
-
duchess of malfi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11104
- Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2002 9:20 pm
- Location: Michigan, USA
A man walked into a very high-tech bar.
As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had
ever tasted.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical breakthroughs',
etc.......
The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat.
Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."
Again it was superb.
The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basket ball
scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end.
The guy had to try it one more time, so he left, returned and took a
stool....
Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??
This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked ,
"Are.......... your.......... people.......... going.......... to..........
nominate.......... another republican ?????
As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had
ever tasted.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical breakthroughs',
etc.......
The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat.
Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."
Again it was superb.
The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basket ball
scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end.
The guy had to try it one more time, so he left, returned and took a
stool....
Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??
This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked ,
"Are.......... your.......... people.......... going.......... to..........
nominate.......... another republican ?????
Love as thou wilt.
-
duchess of malfi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11104
- Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2002 9:20 pm
- Location: Michigan, USA
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Love as thou wilt.