The Kevinswatch Story Comments

The place for fiction and poetry....

Moderators: deer of the dawn, Furls Fire

Post Reply
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

The Kevinswatch Story Comments

Post by Revan »

heh, make you're comments here. :)

I want to be a writer when I'm older. It's my dream and ambition. Therefore I charge you to be unmerciful regarding my work. what do you think needs improving? My weaknesses? Strengths?

heh, also, enjoy! :D
Top
User avatar
Damelon
Lord
Posts: 8598
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2002 10:40 pm
Location: Illinois
Has thanked: 2 times
Been thanked: 5 times

Post by Damelon »

Good start, Darth! :)

You have a way with words.

Keep the installments coming.
Top
User avatar
lucimay
Lord
Posts: 15045
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:17 pm
Location: Mott Wood, Genebakis
Contact:
Contact lucimay

Post by lucimay »

now all it needs...and i'm going to keep lobbying for this...is DRAWINGS from LOREMASTAH!!!

:biggrin:


next installment please darth
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies


i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio


a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

hehe, hopfully I'll post it tomorrow - danlo did a good job of editing the first one, so I'm going to ask him if he wouldn't mind doing it again. :)

Is it possible for the mods of this forum to sticky these topics? :)
Top
User avatar
Spring
The Gap Into Spam
Posts: 3784
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 1:00 am
Location: Australia
Contact:
Contact Spring

Post by Spring »

A couple of typos, but the story has promise.

Well done, Revan. Keep them coming.
Top
User avatar
danlo
Lord
Posts: 20838
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2002 8:29 pm
Location: Albuquerque NM
Been thanked: 1 time
Contact:
Contact danlo

Post by danlo »

(Not bad for 15 minutes, I had to pick the kidz up at daycare. Hey I didn't miss those, he added stuff later... :biggrin: )
fall far and well Pilots!
Top
User avatar
Lord Mhoram
Lord
Posts: 9512
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2002 1:07 am

Post by Lord Mhoram »

:D Well done, Revan.
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

heh, sorry to keep you waiting poeple. I've pmed Jay and Alynna - I would Vain, but I fear that it futile.

I asked about the Watch when it first began. Details and such. As you've sincec with my sample chapter, I want fiction created around truth. I've actually written what I intend to be the first chapter - but I may alter it.
Top
User avatar
Loredoctor
Lord
Posts: 18609
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2002 11:35 pm
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Contact:
Contact Loredoctor

Post by Loredoctor »

Lucimay wrote:now all it needs...and i'm going to keep lobbying for this...is DRAWINGS from LOREMASTAH!!!
I gave up illustration six years ago, I doubt it will happen again -sorry Luci and Darth. :(
Waddley wrote:your Highness Sir Dr. Loredoctor, PhD, Esq, the Magnificent, First of his name, Second Cousin of Dragons, White-Gold-Plate Wielder!
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

Loremaster wrote:
Lucimay wrote:now all it needs...and i'm going to keep lobbying for this...is DRAWINGS from LOREMASTAH!!!
I gave up illustration six years ago, I doubt it will happen again -sorry Luci and Darth. :(
I never knew you were an artist anyways. :( It's a shame you gave it up - I should like to see it. :)

Anyone else an artist? ;) :D

I've also been writing some poetry, (I've gone around writing anything I can these days) not very good. First time I've tried it really.
Top
User avatar
Marv
The Gap Into Spam
Posts: 3391
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:34 pm

Post by Marv »

thats hilarious revan. top stuff.

i was thrown slightly at the beginning because you weren't speaking from your own pov but after i got over that it was really good. looking forward to future installments.
It'd take you a long time to blow up or shoot all the sheep in this country, but one diseased banana...could kill 'em all.

I didn't even know sheep ate bananas.
Top
User avatar
matrixman
The Gap Into Spam
Posts: 8361
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2003 11:24 am

Post by matrixman »

The Sith Lord plays a dangerous game. Scheming against Mods is one thing, but to lay a plot against an Admin? Shocking.

I wonder if the mystery of the one named Alynna will be revealed. It could be a tale very much worth hearing.
Top
ChoChiyo
The Gap Into Spam
Posts: 4127
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 3:32 am
Location: Middle of a Minnesota Cornfield

Post by ChoChiyo »

I liked the mood and the atmosphere of the story--and all of the sensory descriptions made it live.

Also, excellent dialogue--very natural; flows nicely between characters.

The Darth Revan character REEKS of EVUL. I love it.

I'm excited to see what comes next. Do you want me to point out the little grammatical and mechanical errors?

(And when will the sultry Queen of Nigeria enter the story??)
Image

Empress Cho hammers the KABC of Evil.

"If Ignorance is Bliss, Ann Coulter must be the happiest woman in the universe!"

Take that, you Varlet! :P
Top
User avatar
Creator
The Gap Into Spam
Posts: 4865
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2004 3:51 am
Location: Oak Ridge, NC

Post by Creator »

Nice mood developed - tho picturing Darth all powerful!! And Hier as such a wusss! Hmmmmm .... I wonder if Hier (or Ur-vile) will have competing stories! :lol:

Can't wait for the next chapter!
He/She who dies with the most toys wins! Wait a minute ... I can't die!!!
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

Alright, done the next part, just running it by danlo in the editing process. :P
Top
User avatar
Avatar
Immanentizing The Eschaton
Posts: 62038
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:17 am
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Has thanked: 25 times
Been thanked: 32 times
Contact:
Contact Avatar

Post by Avatar »

Good stuff Darth. Look forward to further installments.

--A
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

Done! Finally. :P

This one was written by Darth and Edited by Cho.

Hope you enjoy it. :)
Top
User avatar
Avatar
Immanentizing The Eschaton
Posts: 62038
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:17 am
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Has thanked: 25 times
Been thanked: 32 times
Contact:
Contact Avatar

Post by Avatar »

:LOLS: I did.

--A
Top
User avatar
hierachy
Lord
Posts: 4813
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2003 10:20 pm

Post by hierachy »

Yeah it's pretty good.

But how can a void be nothingness personified? ;) :P
Top
User avatar
Revan
Drool Rockworm's Servant
Posts: 14284
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 1:08 pm

Post by Revan »

James wrote:Yeah it's pretty good.

But how can a void be nothingness personified? ;) :P
Dunno... :confused: :huh:
Top
Post Reply

Return to “The Hall of Gifts”