Tech support

[Nathan]

I got the following in an email today, and found it absolutely hilarious. So I thought I'd share it with everyone here (minus the awful formatting which seems to plague forwarded emails for some reason):


Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer!!!"

[The Laughing Man]

yawn..... (thats a Tech Teachers fav story, btw, and has been for a looooong time, heh. )

cdrom cup holders, mouse foot pedals, it goes on and on......

[I'm Murrin]

rinkworks.com/stupid/

[Warmark]

Heh, i liked it.

[Avatar]

Wow, a C:\ prompt...must be old.

Never seen that one myself.

--A

[Fist and Faith]

How 'bout an actual tech support question? How the heck do I get icons off of my Taskbar? I don't want AIM there every time I turn on the computer, nor MSN, nor Adobe Photo Downloader. I don't even know what Vinyl Deck is!!! I certainly didn't put them there, and I want them GONE! GONE GONE GONE!!!

I might have just gotten rid of AIM, with the "start up when Windows opens" option, but I want to post this before I restart my cpu. I'm not seeing anything helpful by looking at the other programs.

MSN might be a problem, because even when I exit it from the Taskbar, it pops up again any time I open hotmail. Ah well...

[Phantasm]

press START > RUN, then type msconfig and click OK.

This will bring up a window with a few options on it. One will be a tab which says STARTUP.

Click that, and a list of all the programmes which startup when you switch on your computer. They will have a small tick beside the ones which startup - uncheck the tick for the programmes you dont want to start, then click APPLY.

This should stop all the unwanted rubbish starting up, and your computer will startup quicker too.

[Fist and Faith]

Thanks!

[Fist and Faith]

I haven't bothered getting back to this, because I'm rather lazy. But phantasm's advice lead to this message whenever I start my computer. (I only turn it off a couple times per week, which is another reason I haven't bothered getting back to this.)

System Configuration Utility

You have used the System Configuration Utility to make changes to the way Windows starts.

The System Configuration Utility is currently in diagnostic of Selective Startup mode, causing this message to be displayed and the utility to run every time Windows starts.

Choose the Normal Startup mode on the General tab to start Windows normally and undo the changes you made using the System Configuration Utility.

Of course, if I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have made the change in the first place. The other Startup Selection options are:

-Diagnostic Startup - load basic devices and services only

-Selective Startup (As it said in the message, this is the one that is selected when the window opens, and it has some boxes checked that I can uncheck.)

Anybody????

[Avatar]

What do the boxes say? Or are they the ones for the progs you don't want to load?

Can't remember how to set that to be the default start-up. Will have a look, but I'm sure the techies can help before I remember how to figure it out.

--A

[The Laughing Man]

check the little box that says "stop doing that"....

[Avatar]

That ought to do it.

(Nice desktop btw)

--A

[The Laughing Man]

[Fist and Faith]

Yeah, that may have done the trick. Thanks, The Esmer. Oddly, I saw that, but only read as far as "don't show this message." I figured it just said that, and never read on to the more important part!

[Revan]

I got the following in an email today, and found it absolutely hilarious. So I thought I'd share it with everyone here (minus the awful formatting which seems to plague forwarded emails for some reason):


Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too ******* stupid to own a computer!!!"

I loved it!