I've recently written a series of poems based on a world I've been creating for well over four years now; I made them both because of sudden bursts of inspiration, and because I felt they belonged to that world. One of them, "Crowning the Emperor", can be found in my Ghostblood thread; another one, which I call "Unbound", is here.
"Unbound" is a very short poem based on a major event of my world; the coming of a group of heroes whose arrival heralded the end of an Age and the beginning of another, and whose actions led to consequences my world still feels, 500 years after their passing.
I hope you like it!
Unbound
Three lords from the beyond come
in a land by nothing torn
And all ablaze, what would become
of innocents to silence born?
Two strode forth, answer the call,
of woe, glory and forlorn curse;
Undaunted, they feared no fall,
as endless worlds and paths disperse.
Through dark on the ancient trail,
marked path, forbidden lore,
Follow the hand that lifts the veil
to war and gods in old dream's core.
Unbound
Moderators: deer of the dawn, Furls Fire
Well, to be honest, I wrote this in a moment of inspiration, and then I realized too that this sort of poem is perfect for inserting it into a story - as a song or poem spoken by a character, for example to provide some backstory or to add to the verisimilitude of the world... The world is the same in which my Ghostblood story takes place, by the way.
After writing Unbound, I ended up writing a few other poems for the world, and each of them seems to perfect for inserting it into a story. I think I'm slowly getting an idea for a book-sized story set in that world, as opposed to the short stories I've been writing thus far. I also wrote a longer poem, which is the recounting of a mythical tale of that world, and is over three pages in length!
After writing Unbound, I ended up writing a few other poems for the world, and each of them seems to perfect for inserting it into a story. I think I'm slowly getting an idea for a book-sized story set in that world, as opposed to the short stories I've been writing thus far. I also wrote a longer poem, which is the recounting of a mythical tale of that world, and is over three pages in length!
Yes, they might be good as a prophetic vision, but in my world the event they describe already took placesgtnull wrote:I also think they would be excellent as a prophetic vision. I would be interested in seeing such a thing. my rhyme schemes are for no good unlike yours.
Of course, if I ever wrote a story set in a time period before this event, then they could surely be used as prophetic visions. Oh, and as for rhymes, truth be told I only truly started working on rhymes and rhyme schemes a couple of days ago... I took a look at a few poems, at the way they were built, the accents, and above all found a rhyme, synonyms and antonyms dictionary that was VERY helpful in the writing of this poem and of the longer Lay of Lihlal. If you're interested, sgt., here's the link:
www.rhymezone.com/
I'm not sure whether it's the best, but it's good, it has lots of options and it's especially useful for someone for whom English is not his native language (like me
).I'm Italian, myself... it's kind of a long story, because now I'm studying in Germany, so apart from Italian and English, now I'm also learning German. However, it'll be a long, long time before I can even consider writing poems in Germansgtnull wrote:thanks! i added it to my favorites. i will try it out. technically English is my second language. i spoke French first, but i was made to stop at kindergarten and lost my French.what is your native tongue Xar?
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DukkhaWaynhim
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I have written some poetry in Italian, but only several years ago... the current poems I've been writing in the last few years (and especially the last few days) are all in English, and were born that way - it's a way for me to improve my knowledge of more rarely used words, and it is also a way to make sure that if I ever start writing a good-sized story in which to insert these songs and poems, I'll be able to do so for the English version without them sounding all weird and disconnectedsgtnull wrote:Xar: I use babelfish, but it is a base translation at best. so have you written poetry in Italian?
In many cases I would agree with you, Av, but to me it's a matter of coherence as much as style... The last few poems I've written, such as Unbound, supposedly exist in the world I created; they are "native literature", so to speak. My world, as you may have seen from Ghostblood, is medievalish in nature, and therefore following classic conventions, of which rhyming is the most important, reinforces the feeling of antiquity, especially when compared to today's non-rhyming poems. Additionally, this creates jarring differences between poems of different origins: for example, a poem on roughly the same topic as Unbound, but written by one of the protagonists of the story (who was a little more "modern-minded" than most people in the world) doesn't use rhymes and is much more free-form, providing an interesting counterpoint to the rhyming styles of my world's standard bards and minstrels.Avatar wrote:I'm not particularly fond of rhyming myself. It almost aways comes out as looking too contrived.
--A
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DukkhaWaynhim
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I like the Unbound poem, including the rhyming, but mostly because of the good imagery and genre-affinity (medievalish fantasy is my fave).
I don't mind rhyming things as long as I don't get the sense that the poet has obscured his own meaning just for the sake of the rhyme scheme. That's when rhyming annoys me - when it detracts from what I believe the meaning to be.
DW
I don't mind rhyming things as long as I don't get the sense that the poet has obscured his own meaning just for the sake of the rhyme scheme. That's when rhyming annoys me - when it detracts from what I believe the meaning to be.
DW
"God is real, unless declared integer." - Unknown
Yes, deliberately obscuring one's meanings just for the sake of the rhyme scheme is definitely annoying; on the other hand, there's a fine line between trying to express meaning through imagery and obscuring meaning with imagery... to the poet, a particular verse could be using imagery and rhyming to gently highlight a dear concept, and to the reader that imagery and rhyming could feel forced and obscuring the meaning. It's a delicate balance.DukkhaWaynhim wrote:I like the Unbound poem, including the rhyming, but mostly because of the good imagery and genre-affinity (medievalish fantasy is my fave).
I don't mind rhyming things as long as I don't get the sense that the poet has obscured his own meaning just for the sake of the rhyme scheme. That's when rhyming annoys me - when it detracts from what I believe the meaning to be.
DW
As another example, here's another short poem; this one is intended as a traditional mourning song in a particular culture of my world.
Silence
In silence we leave
to the kingdom below
when all winds grieve,
And sorrow sings
a lament of woe
on spectral wings...
And grief and pain bestow
oblivion's sweet embrace
on spirits all aglow,
But here I stand and know
your heart and endless grace
are graven in the snow...
And so I wait
my time to come,
And leave to fate
my ancient home,
To join you again
beyond the sun,
When comes the rain,
and all is done.
I really like this poem. I've never read it before. Can I inquire about the author?Xar wrote:
Silence
In silence we leave
to the kingdom below
when all winds grieve,
And sorrow sings
a lament of woe
on spectral wings...
And grief and pain bestow
oblivion's sweet embrace
on spirits all aglow,
But here I stand and know
your heart and endless grace
are graven in the snow...
And so I wait
my time to come,
And leave to fate
my ancient home,
To join you again
beyond the sun,
When comes the rain,
and all is done.
As far as the rhyming goes, there is a fine art to choosing words that convey both the meaning and the sound that you are looking for. That is why rhymed poetry can seem contrived at times--if one is heavy-handed or clumsy in word choice it can spoil the entire tone of the poem. If you look at the preceding poem, you'll notice that some of the lines actually use "sight rhymes" rather than true rhymes. That is one solution to the problem. With rhyming poetry is often easiest to choose a standard form, i.e. a sonnet, and go from there. Even the great masters struggled with this. Until this century, studying meter and feet truly became necessary if one wanted to be taken seriously as poet. And now we have loosed all convention in favor of free expression.
Sorry if I ramble. I have a bachelor's degree in English literature, and I adore poetry, so sometimes I get carried away.
Xar, I just wanted to say that I like your poem, and that what you are doing (writing in a foreign language while trying to learn another) is quite an impressive feat. I wish you all the best in your writing.
By the way, what part of Italy are you from?
Thanks for the comments! I'm glad to get reactions about these poems, given the use I intend to make of them. They are, in a very real sense, part of the body of literature of the fictional world I've been building for years, and when I have enough background material and ideas for my first long book (as opposed to the short stories I've been writing thus far) I plan to use them to enhance the mood, if needed. But I also enjoy writing them for funAelyria Mireiswen wrote:I really like this poem. I've never read it before. Can I inquire about the author?Xar wrote:
Silence
In silence we leave
to the kingdom below
when all winds grieve,
And sorrow sings
a lament of woe
on spectral wings...
And grief and pain bestow
oblivion's sweet embrace
on spirits all aglow,
But here I stand and know
your heart and endless grace
are graven in the snow...
And so I wait
my time to come,
And leave to fate
my ancient home,
To join you again
beyond the sun,
When comes the rain,
and all is done.
As far as the rhyming goes, there is a fine art to choosing words that convey both the meaning and the sound that you are looking for. That is why rhymed poetry can seem contrived at times--if one is heavy-handed or clumsy in word choice it can spoil the entire tone of the poem. If you look at the preceding poem, you'll notice that some of the lines actually use "sight rhymes" rather than true rhymes. That is one solution to the problem. With rhyming poetry is often easiest to choose a standard form, i.e. a sonnet, and go from there. Even the great masters struggled with this. Until this century, studying meter and feet truly became necessary if one wanted to be taken seriously as poet. And now we have loosed all convention in favor of free expression.
Sorry if I ramble. I have a bachelor's degree in English literature, and I adore poetry, so sometimes I get carried away.
Xar, I just wanted to say that I like your poem, and that what you are doing (writing in a foreign language while trying to learn another) is quite an impressive feat. I wish you all the best in your writing.
By the way, what part of Italy are you from?
There's not much to say about me, though - you can find the most important stuff in the Summonsing, through the "Who are you?" thread, I think Thanks for the vote of confidence about the language-learning feat, but to be honest, english doesn't feel like a foreign language anymore. I've been studying it, and then practicing it for a total of 12-13 years now, and the fact I'm a scientist means I need to use it a lot when talking with colleagues, especially now that I'm in an international Ph.D. program with people from all over the world. In fact, I've noticed that in most cases, people on the internet don't realize I'm not a native English speaker until I actually tell them. The only thing is that I wish to get any chance I can to improve my vocabulary; regardless of how developed it already is, it's always good to learn more, and the more words you know, the more thoughts you can convey, which is also good. These poems are also very helpful in learning unusual words, as well as to stretch my writing muscles before starting new stories
Oh, and as from where I'm from, I'm from Rome - born and raised there
Thanks for the tip about the info thread. . . I actually haven't had a chance to read through it yet.Xar wrote: Oh, and as from where I'm from, I'm from Rome - born and raised there
The reason that I asked about where you were from is because I visited Italy for the first time back in June. As luck would have it, I visited your fair city for several days. You have a lot of momuments. . . and tourists.
The city is quite beautiful, and the monuments are truly a wonder to behold. The one thing I would change about Rome would be to halve the amount of tourists present at one time. Of all the cities I visited (Paris, Cannes, Nice, Pisa, Florence to name a few), Rome seemed the most artificial. I mean that I feel I wasn't able to experience any part of life as a typical resident would have. Everything (with the possible exception of the Flavian ampitheatre and the forum) seemed to be over-commercialized. I was rather sad to have had such an experience in Rome, because I am sure there is still beauty and authenticity alive there. I only wish that I could have experienced the wonderful culture of one of history's most important cities. The rest of my stay in Italy was ideal, and the only thing I would change would be to stay longer. And learn to speak Italian before I go back.
Wow. . . I've seriously rambled on for long time here. Hope you don't mind. . .
Not a problemAelyria Mireiswen wrote:Thanks for the tip about the info thread. . . I actually haven't had a chance to read through it yet.Xar wrote: Oh, and as from where I'm from, I'm from Rome - born and raised there
The reason that I asked about where you were from is because I visited Italy for the first time back in June. As luck would have it, I visited your fair city for several days. You have a lot of momuments. . . and tourists.
The rest of my stay in Italy was ideal, and the only thing I would change would be to stay longer. And learn to speak Italian before I go back.
Wow. . . I've seriously rambled on for long time here. Hope you don't mind. . .
It's true that Rome is usually overcrowded with tourists (especially from June to September), and it is also true that visiting any of the most important historical spots of Rome - especially the Roman ruins - ends up being one in a mass of tourists without seeing anyone from Rome at all. The truth is that most people who live in Rome don't visit those tourist spots anymore - well, maybe once or twice, but afterwards, knowing it's always there if you want to go see it, people prefer to move on to more unknown areas, museums, churches, and the like. There are lots of places which tourists simply don't know about, and several others which tourists only rarely visit. For example, the church of St. Clemente, nearby the Coliseum, is a wonderful monument - a church built on the ruins of another church built on the ruins of a Roman basilica built on the ruins of a pagan temple. And you can go through all the different levels, which makes for a very intriguing experience. Or, the catacombs (which are in southern Rome), with the large parks beneath which twisting tunnels spread for kilometers, where proto-Christians held their Mass, and where the dead were buried. Or, for something more "esoteric", the Museum of Purgatory Souls, in a tiny little church on the Tiber river - where are collected "proofs" of visitations from Purgatory souls (nun veils marked by burning hands, and the like). I could go on forever: I've lived there 25 years and I still don't know it completely