the sudoku thingy that Vain made for us reminded me of this piece.
written after an auto accident in which i was knocked unconcious. woke up in the ambulance with the EMT asking me questions. he asked me who was president and...a picture of my DAD came into my head, so i answered "Bill", which is my dad's name. heh. luckily, Clinton was in office at the time so even the wrong answer was right!
Counting On My Fingers
I am counting on my fingers,
one car goes into one car one time.
I was going to Bolinas,
that secret zip code,
but now,
I am doing calculus,
beginning at binary,
one zero one zero
and I am losing even this aggregation,
in out in out
figuring,
two drivers
six passengers
three pedestrians,
equals eight white lights
on the ceiling of an ambulance.
Is it division or subtraction?
I weigh one hundred and twenty pounds,
I am thirty-five years old,
go to the next flashcard,
where was I going?
I am counting on my fingers,
and these digits do not belong
in this formula,
this sequence of numbers,
they are on my hand,
operational symbols,
on the dashboard of my car,
pushing away from a collision,
take away, take away take away,
and then,
aftermath,
I am standing in the flourescent, antiseptic
hallway of County General,
and impact finally occurs,
a shadowy vehicle that will not stop,
a fist in the face,
a moment I cannot apply to this
anomalous equation,
and as it comes,
like a ridiculous motion picture fiction,
all around me goes gray and still,
and I am counting on my fingers,
counting on my fingers,
counting counting
and I ask,
is there a doctor in this house?
I have lost time,
lost my footing,
but no one is looking,
no one is listening,
things and beings
have not really stopped moving.
I am the only woman on this island,
and the fog is thick and cold and
makes my head hurt.
Let me have my lover, I beg,
he knows how I am stranded here,
but they only blink their blank eyes at me
and ask me to sit down.
And this is the sum,
I am angry at the examination table
because it does not fit my body,
I am angry at the blanket
because it is not soft enough,
I am angry at County General
because it does not seem to care
that my life has been disrupted,
I am crying, I am afraid,
I am alone and altered,
mathematics evade me,
and I am counting on my fingers,
counting on my fingers.