Funny, I was just thinking of you last night and hoping all was well as I hadn't seen you post recently. Thank you for the lovely post. Love, from our family to yours!
Have a Merry Christmas!
Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)
Moderators: deer of the dawn, Furls Fire
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill
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duchess of malfi
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11104
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- Location: Michigan, USA
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
HUGGLES everyone!! 
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! We sure did, it was all chaotic and full of joy. Definitely our favorite time of year. We are just now settling back into some sort of normalcy, but with this family we really have no clue what "normal" is.
And Luci, welcome to Stephen's thread!
and no worries about the Watchies. It really was just one of the many snippets I found in a box, I doubt he wanted anyone to see them since he hid them away so good.
I'll try to post a journal entry soon. I've been reading thru them again and trying to decide which ones to put up. It's been a very long time.
HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!!!
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! We sure did, it was all chaotic and full of joy. Definitely our favorite time of year. We are just now settling back into some sort of normalcy, but with this family we really have no clue what "normal" is.
And Luci, welcome to Stephen's thread!
and no worries about the Watchies. It really was just one of the many snippets I found in a box, I doubt he wanted anyone to see them since he hid them away so good. I'll try to post a journal entry soon. I've been reading thru them again and trying to decide which ones to put up. It's been a very long time.
HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!!!
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Here's a snippet, not sure what it is really, it was in the box. It's not something I enjoyed at all, my brother still surprises me at times...
where the air is fog
where the air is fog
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
The deep breath of life forsakes me as I trod between worlds. The way of my journey back and forth becomes dark, almost dismal, and black fog besieges me as I move forward. Step by step I feel it enter me, swirl within me, and my breathing catches on it. I choke it back, breath it in for it is all there is. Here, in this world, the fog is air. Here, beyond the borders of the world I know, I am unable to breath.
Yet, I move forward, the path behind me is lost, all is lost. All. And nothing is here, nothing but the black mist. There are voices riding on it, they are mournful, in agony. I attempt to console them, but they are inconsolable. I realize that soon, I too will be wailing along with them. Here in the mist, here in this world, where fog is air.
Yet, I move forward, the path behind me is lost, all is lost. All. And nothing is here, nothing but the black mist. There are voices riding on it, they are mournful, in agony. I attempt to console them, but they are inconsolable. I realize that soon, I too will be wailing along with them. Here in the mist, here in this world, where fog is air.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Ah, must have been too..umm something...doesn't sound much like him, but I thought I would share as it made me learn just a tiny bit more about him (which didn't seem possible).
I think, and I can't be sure of this because none of these are dated, that maybe this was written right after the diagnosis. And tho he was always so open and so strong and so full of faith, there always seemed to be a small part of him that no one could access...I think this came from there. The place where disease, pain, and loss resided. The place where, so to speak, the air was indeed fog.
I have to now accept the realization, that at times my brother's light threatened to fail. And that is hard for me to accept.
I begin my inward folding
Forehead creased in the seam
of dawning inevitability.
I know I fail this incursion of self
This turning point imposed on me unaware
Perhaps if my attention were more diligent,
My resistance would prove to be well built.
And yet, I know the truth
The way of it, the cruelty of it
The steadfast rush of it.
Oh! I would rather be elsewhere!
Walking under the maple wood
In a nudity stripped down to sweet liberation
The sun-soaked health of undergrowth
Inviting me forward, enwrapping beauty
About me like catharsis.
Arms thrown wide to embrace in nakedness
The palliative, the cleansing antitoxin.
All former realities purged away.
Save me from such dreams!
The sodium onslaught of their light
Rubs and rubs my open wounds.
These imaginings torture my soul,
My core acceptance of defeat.
By degrees, I fold inward,
descend profoundly.
No miracle bequeathed to lift the man I am
freefalling into the infinite well of disease.
--Stephen C. McKinney
I think, and I can't be sure of this because none of these are dated, that maybe this was written right after the diagnosis. And tho he was always so open and so strong and so full of faith, there always seemed to be a small part of him that no one could access...I think this came from there. The place where disease, pain, and loss resided. The place where, so to speak, the air was indeed fog.
I have to now accept the realization, that at times my brother's light threatened to fail. And that is hard for me to accept.
I begin my inward folding
Forehead creased in the seam
of dawning inevitability.
I know I fail this incursion of self
This turning point imposed on me unaware
Perhaps if my attention were more diligent,
My resistance would prove to be well built.
And yet, I know the truth
The way of it, the cruelty of it
The steadfast rush of it.
Oh! I would rather be elsewhere!
Walking under the maple wood
In a nudity stripped down to sweet liberation
The sun-soaked health of undergrowth
Inviting me forward, enwrapping beauty
About me like catharsis.
Arms thrown wide to embrace in nakedness
The palliative, the cleansing antitoxin.
All former realities purged away.
Save me from such dreams!
The sodium onslaught of their light
Rubs and rubs my open wounds.
These imaginings torture my soul,
My core acceptance of defeat.
By degrees, I fold inward,
descend profoundly.
No miracle bequeathed to lift the man I am
freefalling into the infinite well of disease.
--Stephen C. McKinney
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
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Fist and Faith
- Magister Vitae
- Posts: 25463
- Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 8:14 pm
- Has thanked: 9 times
- Been thanked: 57 times
Holy cow! Sorry for not responding in all this time!
Yes, it is unusual for Stephen. There are a couple others back in the thread that aren't as optomistic as most. (Very difficult to find them among 53 pages.) But this one seems somehow bleaker. At least he's still attempting to console others. And we know he'll be stronger in his faith later on. Not easy to see him like this, though.
Yes, it is unusual for Stephen. There are a couple others back in the thread that aren't as optomistic as most. (Very difficult to find them among 53 pages.) But this one seems somehow bleaker. At least he's still attempting to console others. And we know he'll be stronger in his faith later on. Not easy to see him like this, though.
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Huggles
"The soul is a deep well..."
Can't remember who exactly wrote or said that, but how true it is. We may think we know someone inside and out, that nothing would every surprise us about them...and then something like that is found, or something is said, and it throws you for a loop.
"The soul is a deep well..."
Can't remember who exactly wrote or said that, but how true it is. We may think we know someone inside and out, that nothing would every surprise us about them...and then something like that is found, or something is said, and it throws you for a loop.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Wow, it's been awhile since I (or Stephen) posted in here
**starts dusting...and sneezing**
Now that WAD, Christmas and New Year's are over I may be able to come online a bit more and start posting entries again. What I need to do first tho, I think, is go thru the thread from the beginning and refresh my memory on what entries I have already posted. We had a computer crash about a month or so back and I lost all the ones I had typed up...and copies of my previous dissections as well...sooooooooooo...I need to relook at the thread. Which, will be very time consuming considering how it grew over the years.
**starts dusting...and sneezing**
Now that WAD, Christmas and New Year's are over I may be able to come online a bit more and start posting entries again. What I need to do first tho, I think, is go thru the thread from the beginning and refresh my memory on what entries I have already posted. We had a computer crash about a month or so back and I lost all the ones I had typed up...and copies of my previous dissections as well...sooooooooooo...I need to relook at the thread. Which, will be very time consuming considering how it grew over the years.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Okay,
Well...
Not sure if I have posted this one before. Like I said, I lost all the ones that I have typed up. But, I thought this would be a good one to "kick" things off again....
I’ve come close to comprehending...
Well...
Not sure if I have posted this one before. Like I said, I lost all the ones that I have typed up. But, I thought this would be a good one to "kick" things off again....
I’ve come close to comprehending...
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
August 8, 2001 11:07pm
This pain I understand now as part of me. I become washed in the throes of it and scream inwardly at its invading presence. For all I am, I understand it, I endure it, but oh sweet Jesus Lord, it is becoming unendurable. Is my time close? I feel my feet moving closer to that doorway, that gate, that last step into Your light. I dream of You, I dream of the house that is Your Heart, I dream of peace. Is there more here for me to do? And if there is, please tell me how I am to do it? I am no longer able to walk about in this sick body. This body that rejects itself, attacks itself, kills itself. I knew it would come to this, I knew it would fail me ultimately, my shell wishes to rid itself of me. Why does it linger on?
I’ve come close to comprehending
The way of this earth and me
How reticent in life force the threads of my spirit cling
To body, time, nature, season
The corporeal structure that rules this world.
And yet, the spatial, the ethereal, the metaphysical
The other existence where my soul sings, soars, is said to be
Plays its art just beyond my grasp
And I wonder, why does my body linger?
My heart, my physical heart, pumps out all this poison that seeps into every ounce of me. My eyes see less and less each day. My legs don’t move. My hand grips my pen loosely, lacking the strength to even hold on. And my head, it feels as though a bomb has imploded, trying to wipe out all I am. I am a wraith of myself, nothing is left but the soul of me, the essence of me, the very part of me that belongs always to Jesus. Why do I linger? What more can I do?
“Soon, Stephen, Soon”
Thy will be done…
This pain I understand now as part of me. I become washed in the throes of it and scream inwardly at its invading presence. For all I am, I understand it, I endure it, but oh sweet Jesus Lord, it is becoming unendurable. Is my time close? I feel my feet moving closer to that doorway, that gate, that last step into Your light. I dream of You, I dream of the house that is Your Heart, I dream of peace. Is there more here for me to do? And if there is, please tell me how I am to do it? I am no longer able to walk about in this sick body. This body that rejects itself, attacks itself, kills itself. I knew it would come to this, I knew it would fail me ultimately, my shell wishes to rid itself of me. Why does it linger on?
I’ve come close to comprehending
The way of this earth and me
How reticent in life force the threads of my spirit cling
To body, time, nature, season
The corporeal structure that rules this world.
And yet, the spatial, the ethereal, the metaphysical
The other existence where my soul sings, soars, is said to be
Plays its art just beyond my grasp
And I wonder, why does my body linger?
My heart, my physical heart, pumps out all this poison that seeps into every ounce of me. My eyes see less and less each day. My legs don’t move. My hand grips my pen loosely, lacking the strength to even hold on. And my head, it feels as though a bomb has imploded, trying to wipe out all I am. I am a wraith of myself, nothing is left but the soul of me, the essence of me, the very part of me that belongs always to Jesus. Why do I linger? What more can I do?
“Soon, Stephen, Soon”
Thy will be done…
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
Sweet grace abounds as light wanes,
Darkness seeps from the corners of my vision
Yet, I see the holy light in clarity of faith
Drenching back the darkness.
If I ask of You to grant me favor, would that be sin?
Sin of want? Sin of desire?
Yes
Wait
No.
Wanting need not be the same as taking.
No answers come, my well is dry
And my hour draws nigh.
Sweet grace in waning light
Holy presence come fill me
I give myself up to this want of You.
--Stephen Clarke McKinney
Darkness seeps from the corners of my vision
Yet, I see the holy light in clarity of faith
Drenching back the darkness.
If I ask of You to grant me favor, would that be sin?
Sin of want? Sin of desire?
Yes
Wait
No.
Wanting need not be the same as taking.
No answers come, my well is dry
And my hour draws nigh.
Sweet grace in waning light
Holy presence come fill me
I give myself up to this want of You.
--Stephen Clarke McKinney
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
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Worm of Despite
- Lord
- Posts: 9546
- Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2002 7:46 pm
- Location: Rome, GA
- Contact:
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
That it is I'll post more soon
I'll post more soonAnd I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
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Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
I know I posted this next one before, but I thought I would do it again since this was the one that inspired Brian to do the beautiful avatar for Stephen...
sing with me waves of the sea...
sing with me waves of the sea...
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
August 18, 1997 11:56pm
Needing escape, I drove today, out to the cliffs around Monterey, where the ocean, in all its fury, throws itself against the rocks. And I heard music in the madness of it’s blind rush forward. And all that is me wanted to leap from the cliff where I stood into its lunatic fray. How sweet it would be, to lose myself in such wild beautiful song, drown in its cacophonic harmony. Ah, but the Father held me back and I had to be content to just stand there, while the wind swirled and joined in with the music of the sea about me. Amazing, that I could find peace within the midst of such chaos. I threw off all my clothes, outstretched my arms, and in full voice I shouted out at the open sea…
Sing with me waves of the sea
Your endless surge of song exalts
Timeless, age-old teller of tales
Sing the joy of freedom’s infinity
Carry me on the rush of you
Away from my land-life fate
And sing sing sing with me waves of the sea
Bear me Home, tide dancers of the deep.
Tis good no cops came about, but there were a few passersby that hooked their appreciation or their disgust at my naked backside. I believe I was even photographed. Ah, but the moment, the few moments I stood there, offering my body, heart and soul to the sea, I felt a peace beyond all words. I felt eternity, for the sea is eternal, unfailing, and its song will sing on for eons after I pass from the world. How sweet it is, that I shared that song, even if it was just a blink in eternity’s eye.
Needing escape, I drove today, out to the cliffs around Monterey, where the ocean, in all its fury, throws itself against the rocks. And I heard music in the madness of it’s blind rush forward. And all that is me wanted to leap from the cliff where I stood into its lunatic fray. How sweet it would be, to lose myself in such wild beautiful song, drown in its cacophonic harmony. Ah, but the Father held me back and I had to be content to just stand there, while the wind swirled and joined in with the music of the sea about me. Amazing, that I could find peace within the midst of such chaos. I threw off all my clothes, outstretched my arms, and in full voice I shouted out at the open sea…
Sing with me waves of the sea
Your endless surge of song exalts
Timeless, age-old teller of tales
Sing the joy of freedom’s infinity
Carry me on the rush of you
Away from my land-life fate
And sing sing sing with me waves of the sea
Bear me Home, tide dancers of the deep.
Tis good no cops came about, but there were a few passersby that hooked their appreciation or their disgust at my naked backside. I believe I was even photographed. Ah, but the moment, the few moments I stood there, offering my body, heart and soul to the sea, I felt a peace beyond all words. I felt eternity, for the sea is eternal, unfailing, and its song will sing on for eons after I pass from the world. How sweet it is, that I shared that song, even if it was just a blink in eternity’s eye.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
-
Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Typing up a new one and should have it up sometime this weekend.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
