(and no, this isn't about me
)A simple question of family etiquette
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[Syl]
- Unfettered One
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A simple question of family etiquette
Should you pay your mother to babysit your kid a couple hours a day while you work? Assume you're strapped financially (hence the reason you ask your mom).
(and no, this isn't about me)
(and no, this isn't about me
)"It is not the literal past that rules us, save, possibly, in a biological sense. It is images of the past. Each new historical era mirrors itself in the picture and active mythology of its past or of a past borrowed from other cultures. It tests its sense of identity, of regress or new achievement against that past.”
-George Steiner
-George Steiner
You should offer, she should refuse.
Ultimately, no.
Ultimately, no.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
HAHAHAHA. Now THAT is a perfect example how the uncomfortable conversations come into being.Cail wrote:You should offer, she should refuse.
Ultimately, no.
Avatar wrote:But then, the answers provided by your imagination are not only sometimes best, but have the added advantage of being unable to be wrong.
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The Laughing Man
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well, I pretty much agree with Cail, but I recommend broaching the subject by mentioning the financial burden up front? "Hey Ma? We can't afford to hire a babysitter, could you help out for awhile?"
....plus you can always have dinner together and save her money on food bills, all the while spending quality family time, bringing everyone closer together....
....plus you can always have dinner together and save her money on food bills, all the while spending quality family time, bringing everyone closer together....
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Menolly
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It depends on the family dynamic I think. If my MIL lived close by while I had children that needed a babysitter, she would have found every opportunity to make herself scarce. She saw Beorn on her schedule when it suited her, if we could match times.
As both of my own parents passed on long before I ever met Hyperception, I can't answer for my own mother.
My FIL, on the other hand, has stepped out of his way to help us when he could. We lived with him prior to moving to Gator Town, and if he wasn't at a gig or his night job he was always willing to stay with Beorn, and foot the bill for any activities they would go out and do together.
But, I don't think refusal of accepting payment on said grandparent's part should be expected. That just sets up a potential dynamic for discord before the subject is ever broached.
As both of my own parents passed on long before I ever met Hyperception, I can't answer for my own mother.
My FIL, on the other hand, has stepped out of his way to help us when he could. We lived with him prior to moving to Gator Town, and if he wasn't at a gig or his night job he was always willing to stay with Beorn, and foot the bill for any activities they would go out and do together.
But, I don't think refusal of accepting payment on said grandparent's part should be expected. That just sets up a potential dynamic for discord before the subject is ever broached.
My mum babysits the grandkids for free...she finally got some, so she's making the most of them!
I've babysat my 4-yr old nephew since he was a wee bub - in fact, EVERY Saturday afternoon belongs to Daniel. And I even OFFER my time, cos I love the time I spend with him (he's a bit jealous if his little sister gets my attention, but that's the thing when you're the favorite aunty - he'll learn to share me eventually!)
I can't imagine anyone in the family asking to be paid to sit. Maybe it's different in the USA.
I've babysat my 4-yr old nephew since he was a wee bub - in fact, EVERY Saturday afternoon belongs to Daniel. And I even OFFER my time, cos I love the time I spend with him (he's a bit jealous if his little sister gets my attention, but that's the thing when you're the favorite aunty - he'll learn to share me eventually!)
I can't imagine anyone in the family asking to be paid to sit. Maybe it's different in the USA.
"Right away would be good. Right now would be better"
-- Nick Succorso
OK, so what's the speed of dark?- Larry the Cable Guy
I agree with Damelon's proviso as well.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
I agree with Cail, and also with Cail's agreement with Av's agreement with Damelon's proviso.
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I think Edge may be on to something.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
I pay my mother to babysit. Its mainly for gas and food, about 20 bucks a day. My mother doesn't like to babysit and complains constantly about how difficult my kids are so at least when I pay her it makes her stop complaining for a little while. My boys are 12 and 13 (almost 14). My almost 14 yr. old has severe anxiety about staying home alone or without an adult- I'm working on it but in the meantime, I pay my mom. I hate it but its better than nothing.
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good enough.
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Cameraman Jenn
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I can't imagine a situation in my family that paying a grandmother would come up but that's a matter of my family dynamics. I can certainly see where different circumstances require different approaches. Raen is the perfect example. Her situation is perfectly appropriate for her circumstances. I have to say I agree with Cail, Damelon, Av and Edge. 
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aliantha
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<waves to Raen>
Yeah, you might have to bribe a family member with money once the kids are too old to be adorable anymore. And any grandparent who wouldn't sit unless paid, well, regardless of the financial circumstances of the parents, I think they might be better off hiring an outsider than leaving the kid in that situation.
In my case, I don't think either set of grandparents would have charged me for babysitting, had we lived close enough. Heck, my mom repeatedly offered to let us live with her for free. The commute woulda sucked, tho (we're in DC and she lives near Chicago).
When Batty was in middle school and MagickMaker was not quite old enough to stay on her own after school, I did pay Batty to watch her sister every afternoon until I got home from work. I got some static from their stepmonster (but hey, that woman gave me static over *every*thing, so by then it was just background noise to me -- and who the he** cared what she thought anyway?). But I thought that, given the small difference in their ages (they're just two years apart), paying Batty would make her more responsible and more "in charge", and would also help mollify her for any after-school activity she would be missing because she had to watch her sister every day.
So yeah, what the guys said. Every family is different. It would just make me stop and think, if a grandparent *insisted* on being paid to watch a grandkid. If that's your question, Syl.
Yeah, you might have to bribe a family member with money once the kids are too old to be adorable anymore. And any grandparent who wouldn't sit unless paid, well, regardless of the financial circumstances of the parents, I think they might be better off hiring an outsider than leaving the kid in that situation.
In my case, I don't think either set of grandparents would have charged me for babysitting, had we lived close enough. Heck, my mom repeatedly offered to let us live with her for free. The commute woulda sucked, tho (we're in DC and she lives near Chicago).
When Batty was in middle school and MagickMaker was not quite old enough to stay on her own after school, I did pay Batty to watch her sister every afternoon until I got home from work. I got some static from their stepmonster (but hey, that woman gave me static over *every*thing, so by then it was just background noise to me -- and who the he** cared what she thought anyway?). But I thought that, given the small difference in their ages (they're just two years apart), paying Batty would make her more responsible and more "in charge", and would also help mollify her for any after-school activity she would be missing because she had to watch her sister every day.
So yeah, what the guys said. Every family is different. It would just make me stop and think, if a grandparent *insisted* on being paid to watch a grandkid. If that's your question, Syl.
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SoulBiter
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I paid my dad to babysit my kids for a couple of summers. It was a win-win. He got to visit with the grandchildren, they got to visit with him and I got a babysitter I could trust. He was living off his disability and it gave him some extra cash that he didnt have to claim. Would have have done it for nothing if I asked? Probably. But because of his financial situation I never considered him doing it for nothing.
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