Furls Fire wrote:Well, hehe...it was for awhile. Life happens, and keeps me away from here it seems more and more often. Things are calming down a bit. Mom is out of the hospital...finally...and doing okay. Russell has pnuemonia, so he's flat on his back, he's not used to being sick so he's whining quite a bit. Imani, Naeem, Ayize, Stevie and Meggie all have the chicken pox..so much for the CP immunization...HA! It doesn't work! At least it doesn't work on MY kids...hehehe.
Anyway, hope all the Mothers here at the Watch had a great mother's day!
And I'll post another entry in a few days, I think...
Sounds like a huge challenge - but if anyone in the whole world is up to it, it would be you.
Yeah, the kids are on the mend. They are running around now, so that's a good sign. Russ is on the mend too, worse is over Mom is holding her own, very slow going. But she's determined to get this all behind her.
Brooke will be home from Berkeley this weekend, so we are all excited. We have missed her so much. She loves it there, tho...Uncle Steve's old stomping ground. She even has one of his professors, who never forgot him and she told her, "He was the brightest, most enlightened person I have ever met. I tried to talk him into going into teaching, and becoming a professor here." And then she told her that Brooke reminded her of him. So, that made her very happy.
Anyway, things seem to be getting back on track here, and hey!! The sun is shining and some of the snow pack is starting to melt a bit. We may see some green in a couple of weeks! So, all is good. I love spring, everything is growing again.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
It's Memorial Day today. And of course, we have loved ones that we hold in our memories who have passed on. I posted this entry when I first started Stephen's thread almost 6 years ago. He's been gone now for almost 8 years, yet the memory of his last day with us is still so clear, like it only just happened.
"I waited for you." He had said to me, when I finally arrived in San Francisco that day. And he gave me that glorious smile. I held on to his hand tight and he sighed. Of course, I was weeping, I knew he was going to leave us in just a few moments. His smile grew bright and wide, and his blind eyes shone with a brilliance that had always been there, but at that moment, the brilliance intensified 100 fold.
"Even the blind can see this light. What a glorious passing this is." He said with his final breath. And the heart monitor bleeped out the final beats of his beautiful heart. He was gone.
So, in memory of Stephen Clarke McKinney I post now his final journal entry, from August 11, 2001.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
My eyes grow weaker, this will be the last of my entries here. It is to you as all of it is, for no one else understands my heart, my soul, my pain, my desire for end, as well as you. We grew in spirit, you and I. My failing heart plays out all the memories of our days. Yours was the first face I grew to love, not mom or dad’s, not Julie’s, or Chris’s, or Matthew’s. Yours. You, sweet sister, my guide to awareness, to life. You brought me to who I am, and was. I treasure our moments, one by one, the music we made, the writings we shared, the books we read, the walks along the beach, in the forest. But most of all, our talks. You had the eyes to see me, the ears to hear me. Foamfollower, in our favorite books, said “joy is in the ears that hear.” Oh hearing you brought me such joy. My dear dear sister, I leave you with this, bound to you always I will be, in the silence, listen for my voice, it is then I will call to you, and sing to you the joy of heaven.
sorrow soaks my sister’s orbs
assails their cerulean depths,
brims the wellspring of her with my pain.
she pours herself over me, smiles out the grief.
In these moments, she becomes absolute.
she is earth mother, embodied beauty
her grace alone binds the threads of my thin
endurance to our souls, her soul.
she completes me, embraces me, instills in me
her sweet heart strength, her undying, unending love.
Oh my radiant sister!
how your brilliance blinds the seer!
do you know the way of your gleaming spirit, your ageless essence?
Oh how my battered self sinks into you, drowns in your shelter.
flower sister of mine, hum gently the way of you
so I might dream the dreams of illumination, and
disperse these nightmares in your serene glow.
--Stephen C. McKinney
“Thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.”
I love you, Tracie.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
What an amazing thread! I'm totally stunned by it - the wisdom in the words of the McKinney's is astounding. I'm reading through it currently (on page 7), so I won't say too much now, but just to say thank you Furl's Fire - it is a profoundly moving experience - Stephen, Nathan James, ShadowLurker.... you are all 'some kind of wonderful'.
Stephen's last journal entry makes me cry every time I read it, it's so beautiful.
I agree, StevieG, they are wonderful people. We are blessed to have the opportunity to learn about them and read some of their words, get to know them a little even though we can't meet them in person. Thank you, Furls, for sharing Stephen with us.
Keep on reading, StevieG. These pages may be some of the most worthwhile in existence.
"Persevera, per severa, per se vera." Persist through difficulties, even though it is hard.
Proud Member of THOOOTP.
Buy my best friend's fantastic fantasy book! Pulse is also available here.
Welcome to Stephen's little corner of the Watch, StevieG
As I've said before, I just love it when new people come in here. And I love that song, "Some Kind of Wonderful." So much so, that because you mentioned it, I had to look it up on YouTube and play it about 10 times. Hehehehehe...
And yes, Auleliel, his final entry, a letter to me, brings me to my knees every time I read it too. I so wish every one here, who have come into his thread could have known him in person, or at least here online. I wish everyone here could have talked to him, because he was extraordinary, beyond words, and he would have brought you all so much joy just in knowing him. These pieces of him that I am sharing are but a small part of who he was/is.
"When I'm gone, I won't really be. The gateway between us will be open, and I'll be able to come to you and I will show you my heaven, and you will be enwrapped in the brilliance of the light and we will sing together."
"And you will be without pain. That's all I want for you, Stevie. No more pain."
"Heaven is worth the pain."
That was one of our last conversations. In August 2001. I remember every conservation from that time word for word. I treasure those moments. And we have met in the light, many times since then, and he is beautiful...in fact, the word "beautiful" is so inadequate in describing what he is now. His brilliance is blinding.
Ah, well...I'll stop the rambling now. Again, Welcome StevieG! I'm so glad you came in here.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
Auleliel wrote:Keep on reading, StevieG. These pages may be some of the most worthwhile in existence.
So true - I've lost a lot of fluids reading this thread (from my eyes that is )
Thanks for the welcome Furl's.
Furls Fire wrote:And I love that song, "Some Kind of Wonderful." So much so, that because you mentioned it, I had to look it up on YouTube and play it about 10 times. Hehehehehe...
always good to look up an old song etc (and the film - I must admit having a small crush on ... what was her name ... Mary Stuart Masterton I think - the 80s eh! )
You know, I really don't know what it's like to just binge read the thread like that. Since it's always been a work in progress for me...the impact must be heart wrenching. Having lived his life with him, I know how intense and just plain awesome my brother's presence was/is. And, I can see how having just this small piece of him can have almost the same influence on all of you that come here. Especially, if you just start the thread from the beginning and run with it. I didn't post the entries in order, they skip around his life like movie clips. Mostly because his hand guides me to which one to put up next. And, of course, when Isaiah was with us, I let him pick a few as well. So, to just start the thread from the beginning and read it straight through...with out even knowing what to expect when you come into it...It must be heart wrenching...
You know, I posted the last one...maybe I should post the very first one. Stephen started his journals when he was 9 years old (his 9th birthday actually). And even at only 9, he was the wisest person any of us had ever known.
Maybe I should put "Box of Kleenix susggested before proceeding" on the thread title.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
Furls Fire wrote:You know, I really don't know what it's like to just binge read the thread like that. Since it's always been a work in progress for me...the impact must be heart wrenching. Having lived his life with him, I know how intense and just plain awesome my brother's presence was/is. And, I can see how having just this small piece of him can have almost the same influence on all of you that come here. Especially, if you just start the thread from the beginning and run with it. I didn't post the entries in order, they skip around his life like movie clips. Mostly because his hand guides me to which one to put up next. And, of course, when Isaiah was with us, I let him pick a few as well. So, to just start the thread from the beginning and read it straight through...with out even knowing what to expect when you come into it...It must be heart wrenching...
You know, I posted the last one...maybe I should post the very first one. Stephen started his journals when he was 9 years old (his 9th birthday actually). And even at only 9, he was the wisest person any of us had ever known.
Maybe I should put "Box of Kleenix susggested before proceeding" on the thread title.
Yes, reading it straight through is a very powerful experience, an experience I'm glad to have had.
I would love to read Stephen's first entry, when you get the chance to post it.
"Persevera, per severa, per se vera." Persist through difficulties, even though it is hard.
Proud Member of THOOOTP.
Buy my best friend's fantastic fantasy book! Pulse is also available here.
Having lost both my parents to cancer at a very young age, I have yet to make it all the way through the thread; it is too powerful for me to do so.
What I do is similar to the way Furls posts, I guess. When I need to receive some input from Stephen, I pick a random page, and the first entry I come across is the one I read.
My name is Stephen Clarke McKinney, but most people just call me Stevie, or sometimes “pooh bear”, which really gets on my nerves. I mean, it was cute when I was a baby, but I’m 9 now. Just turned 9 today! I guess it’s because I’m the baby of the family. I have two older sisters, Tracie is 15 and Julie is 12. I also have two older brothers, Matt is 14 and Chris is 11. And then there’s Mom and Dad, but I won’t say their ages, grownups don’t seem to like their ages thrown around, so I’ll keep my mouth shut on how old they are. I really love my family, but I get on best with my sister, Tracie. Even though she’s so much older than me, she doesn’t talk to me like I’m a little kid, and I like that. It’s more than that though. She knows me inside and out, not that there is a lot to know, but what is there, she nails it every time.
Tracie is the one who gave me these writing tablets. She says that because I like to write things down all the time it would be a good idea to start keeping a journal. So, this is the start of it. I’m hoping I keep up with it, I think I will. I do have a lot of stuff in my head.
OK, so more about me. I’ll be starting the 5th grade this fall, at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic School here in Scottsdale AZ. I skipped 3rd grade, so that’s why I’m a year ahead for my age. I want to be a priest when I grow up, because I love Jesus Christ and want to do His good work. I get laughed at sometimes by other kids when I say that. But, I don’t really care. They just don’t understand me. I like school well enough, it makes me think, and I like to think and to learn. I know some kids just want to be rowdy all the time, and not pay much attention to learning. But I’m not like that. My brothers call me a “bookworm” cause I’m always reading. That’s another thing I have in common with Tracie, we both love to read. I started reading when I was two. I read The Bible mostly, when I was four, my mother got me a children’s Bible. But, now I read the KJV, and sometimes the NIV. The interpretations are a bit different, so I like to read them both. I also read the classics like Mark Twain and Thoreau. Thoreau is a bit over my head though. I guess I’ll get it when I get older. Tracie gave me The Lord of the Rings to read, and I love that! I’ve read it all the way through twice now, and I want to start it again. Tolkein is fantastic.
Let’s see, what else. I love music too, and I play the piano. I’ve been taking lessons since I was 5. Mom wanted to get me in earlier, but no one would take me until I turned 5. It’s funny, by the time they did let me take lessons, I was already past the beginner’s stage and went right into advanced. My piano teacher, Mrs. Ellington, says that I’m at the point now where I can start on the classics, no more chopsticks, HA HA. I love to sing too. Tracie and I sing together a lot. She sings so pretty.
I like to write poetry too. Maybe I’ll write down some of it in here. Not sure how good they are. They are just feelings and visions that come to me. I write them down when they come like that.
Well, I guess that’s it for now. I’m kind of tired, so I think I’ll go to sleep now. I’ll add more tomorrow.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
It's been a very long time since I was here, so I thought I would pop in and say hello. I didn't even know if my user name and password would still work!
Hope all are well and happy! I've been away at Berkeley which has kept me extremely busy. I was going to do summer session, but decided to come home and spend the summer with my family. I missed them all so much while I was away.
I'm happy to see Uncle Steve's thread is still going strong. He has always been a profound inspiration to me. He's the main reason I chose Berkeley. I can feel his presence all over the campus.
I'm getting a degree in Religious Studies and hope to be a professor and teach some day. Long road ahead, but I'm up to the challenge, I'm very passionate about what I have chosen for a career.
So nice to "see" everyone!
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
SoulBiter wrote:I love reading these entries that give us a glimpse into Stephen's life. Thanks for continuing to update this thread!
Ditto.
"Persevera, per severa, per se vera." Persist through difficulties, even though it is hard.
Proud Member of THOOOTP.
Buy my best friend's fantastic fantasy book! Pulse is also available here.
I think the regulars are in the gaming forum - you'll catch Fist/Eric/Odin and your mum there!
Nice to (virtually) meet you - this thread has been a great experience to read through.
Hi StevieG! It's nice to meet you too!
Yeah, I found her...LOL!! I can't believe Fist got her involved in that silly game. She's having fun with tho, so that's all that matters, she needs to escape every once in a while.
And Hey Fist!! I forgot to congratulate you on your wedding! I'm so happy for you! HUGS!
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
I've mentioned in here the time when Stephen, who had just turned 17, went out into the desert and was gone for 5 days. But, I never posted the journal entry he made when he got back. Why? I have no idea. I should have posted it a long time ago. I guess the timing wasn't right, but now, it seems that it is, because he nudged me toward it today.
So, here it is...
Time will not be in abundance for you.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
)
always good to look up an old song etc (and the film - I must admit having a small crush on ... what was her name ... Mary Stuart Masterton I think - the 80s eh! 
)
