Was a quiet day today. We spent most of the morning gathered around the tv watching one of the world's greatest humanitarian's memorial service. I especially wanted our adopted children to watch it because they needed to know that Michael Jackson was one of the reasons they are with us today.
I, for one, am grateful to God for giving us the gift of Michael Jackson. May the Light of Heaven enwrap him and keep him, and may he rest in grace and peace.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
We are all so happy he's here! We are going to take good care of him.
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
I'm happy to be here too. This is a beautiful place, Heaven on Earth.
Sweet peace come to me
Calm the chaos churning within
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
Enlighten my heart so dim
My soul seeks Thee
In breathless desperation it cries
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
As my body slowly dies...
--Isaiah John Adderly, found by Tracie Hammon 1/18/06
Well, along with summer up here on the mountain comes fire season. And we have a fire in the Black Butte area, which is about 10 miles from us. We are on alert for evacuation if it comes this way. The winds are blowing it in our direction and we have fire campers on our property again. Forecast calls for diminishing winds, but we are taking no chances and spent a good part of last night just packing up essentials and getting them in the vehicles just in case we have to leave fast.
Hopefully, they will contain it before it gets this far.
Alex is doing great! Yesterday's labs came back looking really good, CD4 up to 90! Woo Hoo!!! He's still a bit loopy from the meds, but his strength is returning and he's been reading Stephen's journals. I'm going to let him pick one to post.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
The winds have shifted, so it looks like we are okay for now. I wish they would get it contained tho, it's destroying alot of our beautiful forest. I can almost hear the trees screaming.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
It's all part of the forests' cycles. They'll be fine. Just take care of yourselves. Which I'm sure you will. I hope it stays away from the house, though.
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
Fisty wrote:It's all part of the forests' cycles. They'll be fine. Just take care of yourselves. Which I'm sure you will. I hope it stays away from the house, though.
We always do.
The smoke is the worse. The kids can't go outside because it's so thick. And of course it is no good for Alex or myself, both of us on O2 to begin with (I only need it when I "overdo"). And, I can't get down the mountain to take his blood sample in, because the forest service has closed our road. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Stupid fire...it needs to be put out!
Here's what it looked like from our top deck the other night:
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
It's not that close anymore. Sure put on a show the other night though.
Loopy sure is the word. I'm seeing two of everything.
Sweet peace come to me
Calm the chaos churning within
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
Enlighten my heart so dim
My soul seeks Thee
In breathless desperation it cries
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
As my body slowly dies...
--Isaiah John Adderly, found by Tracie Hammon 1/18/06
Yeah, it's contained, at least on our side of it. It's actually running into an old burn from a few years back and the firefighters are confident that they can contain the rest of it there. Was pretty scary for awhile there though!
The road is open again too, so we can get out now! Myles and I are taking some of my brothers and sisters down to Bend and see the new Transformers movie today.
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
We're all going down next weekend to see Half Blood Prince We are all Potter fanatics here!
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
I was at Tenderloin House tonight. The people, all in such despair, huddled in their coats as they ate. It was quiet, unusually quiet and my heart was heavy. There was a presence, a menacing awareness lurking around or above. I walked among the people, as I always did, talking with them and shaking hands. All the hands I held were cold. All. Except for one. This one was hot, scalding. And I looked at the woman that belonged to it. It was her. The menacing presence, the one who had silenced everyone else. They also felt it, although they had no idea what it was they were feeling. It just added to their despair. She kept my hand. Kept it and held it tight. It burned and I felt certain that when I finally did pull it back, it would be seared black to the bones. I grinned at her and she bared her teeth at me. With my free hand, I reached inside my coat and turned on my recorder.
“Why don’t we step outside to talk?” I asked her then. “Let these people have their meal in peace.” I stressed the word ‘peace’.
“What do I care of their peace?” She gripped my hand tighter.
“Humor me.” I let her keep my hand and started for the door. She followed, releasing my hand. I glanced at it. My palm glowed in a smoldering red. I doubted anyone else saw the glow, however and I heard her chuckle behind me as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. I turned and faced her.
“So, what name do you go by?” I asked point blank then. I knew exactly what she was.
“I’ve already humored you. I do not intend to grant you anymore favors.”
“Trust me.” I responded. “I do not consider learning your name to be favorable.”
She laughed then. A sound that sent my skin into a cold spasm. “Stephen, you are nothing if not humorous.”
“I’m glad you find me funny.”
“Oh, I do. I find you very funny. I also find you blinding. You hurt my eyes.”
“Sorry.” I grinned. “What do you want?”
“You.” She was quick to answer.
“Ah, well, you can’t have me. I belong to the Father.”
She winced. Her burning hand slapped my face, so quick that I did not see the blow coming. I staggered back, the force of it nearly bowling me over. My face aflame, I stared at her, smiled at her. “Is that all you have?” She slapped me again. This time I fell to one knee, smiled up at her. “You have to do better than that. It’s not going to work this way. It’s not going to work any way. Even if you stab me in the heart, I will not follow you to him. You can make me sick, you can flay the skin from my bones, you can torture me with fire and whips, you can do all of that and more, and I would still not follow you to him. Can’t any of you see that?”
“I will just take you.” She snarled, then kicked me in the chest so hard that I fell flat on my back.
“Oh, no. I’m afraid not. You. Cannot take me anywhere.” Nausea engulfed me then, I leaned over to my side and vomited on the sidewalk.
She laughed again and then planted her foot between my shoulder blades. She pinned me face down on the sidewalk. She was very strong. Stronger than any of the others I had met before. “You are very funny, Stephen.” She stomped down on me, and the air whooshed from my lungs, she raised her foot to do it again, but I rolled out from under her and regained my feet.
“You are strong.” I said to her. “But, so am I.” She raised her hand to slap me again. This time, however, I caught her at the wrist and held her hand half an inch from my face. Its heat pluming toward my blazing cheek. I stared into her smoldering eyes. She tried to yank her arm away, but I held. I held and I stared. Her will pushed at my soul, I felt her try to enter me. Yet, I kept her out. I stared into her. She stared into me and pushed. I held. I held and kept her hand from my face. My will did not break. Her eyes bore into me and nausea threatened to overcome me again. I held it back and I held her out. At once, she relented. I let go of her wrist. Her glare burned my eyes and they began to tear. “I told you, you cannot take me anywhere.” I said then.
“Maybe not now. But, soon, Stephen, soon. We will have you.” She whirled herself around and started to walk away from me.
“God bless you!” I shouted at her back. She stiffened, paused, as if she was weighing whether or not to turn back and attack me. An attack I wasn’t sure I would be able to defend against. Yet, she did not turn, she continued walking away from me. I stood and watch as she faded around a corner. Then I bent my knees, rested my hands on them, leaned forward and vomited again. “Sweet mercy, sweet Jesus Lord. That one nearly did me in.” I panted out.
Now, I write in fever. Sickened to the core. This isn’t AIDS, this is hate. Hate so strong I almost fell into it. Almost. AIDS I can take. Hate, ah hate, is another matter all together. Burning, searing, strong hate. Hate as evil as him. He of hate, he of evil. He wants me. Wants me, sweet Jesus. Yet, Your strength keeps me away from him. Without You, I would have fallen. Fallen and would have been damned and lost from You.
There are blisters on my hand and my face. Anywhere she touched my skin. And there is fever. I burn. I burn and nothing soothes the burning. Only You. Please, help ease this pain, this pain of hate, of evil.
Father, please, enwrap me in Your healing grace. Flood me with Your strength. Grant me peace.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
For Uncle Steve. Please know that you are missed, and you are loved so much. And know that you did all you could while you were here.
Only Hope--Switchfoot
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinate cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it back
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
I love you, Uncle Steve!
For Myles-- When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
For Mom-- Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings
When I got here this morning, I noticed that Stephen's thread has had 18,000 views...18,000! Floored me.
Oh, and 1,277 (after this one) posts AND we are almost at 65 pages. Even with that long lull (almost 2 years) while I was battling my cancer and wasn't here that much at all, it's still up that high. I'm amazed and overjoyed.
As Isaiah used to say..."My cup runneth over"
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
I chose that one mainly because of this line right here:
Now, I write in fever. Sickened to the core. This isn’t AIDS, this is hate. Hate so strong I almost fell into it. Almost. AIDS I can take. Hate, ah hate, is another matter all together.
All I want to know is: How does he just get inside of you like this? He so completely expresses everything I'm feeling right now. I wish I knew him back when I really needed someone like him. But, as Tracie tells me, he came when I needed him most.
Sweet peace come to me
Calm the chaos churning within
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
Enlighten my heart so dim
My soul seeks Thee
In breathless desperation it cries
Sweet Jesus enwrap me
As my body slowly dies...
--Isaiah John Adderly, found by Tracie Hammon 1/18/06
Hail and well met Alex! Nice to see you posting on the Watch.
I used to be surprised at the things that God does but it doesnt surprise me at all that you found Tracie just when you needed her. It also doesnt surprise me that Stephen isnt done yet.. even though he isnt physically here with us he still reaches into peoples lives.
We miss you Tracie but your Spirit will always shine brightly on the Watch
