Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

[Furls Fire]

Huggles Anna.

She has finished the thread, and has read the one entry I always hesitated showing her.

[Menolly]

She has finished the thread, and has read the one entry I always hesitated showing her.

Oh Anna...

"Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain."
Kahlil Gibran -"The Voice of the Poet"

There is a purpose in all of this.
None of us can know for sure what it is.
But even through all this pain, at least now you know for certain where Stephen's heart is...

[Heart Song]

Yes, "A time to every purpose under Heaven." What Stephen did, he did for me. We were both so young. Young and in love and oh so right for each other. When he learned that he would get AIDS all he could see was me suffering along side of him. His voice still rings in my ears and heart, "How could I ever put someone I love through such devastation. I do not want my pain to be yours. I have to go." In that entry he says how much he regretted it, that his soul cried out for its mate. Well, mine did too, and it never recovered fully. It still cries out for his. My great regret is letting him go. If I had been stronger at the time, I would have fought him. I would have stuck myself to him and refused to allow him to leave me. But I wasn't. I was young.

Anna, please stop loving me!

Indulgence all...

Stephen Clarke McKinney, I could no more stop loving you than I could cut off my own arm. Just like you could not stop loving me. I will see you again. And when I do, oh...we are going to talk! My dear Heart Mate, I love you now, I loved you then. No deeper love was ever known to me, than yours. You are also the song that my heart sings. Now and forever.

[StevieG]

Such a beautiful post, Anna! A heart-felt lament. I really have no words - just acknowledgement of your feelings. I hope you find love and peace with your visit to the house of love! That's what it is - Furls, Harvey Guy(!), Brooke and the rest - a place like no other. Ah, I wish I could jump in the tardis and visit!

[Furls Fire]

Huggles Stevie!

All are welcome here

[Fire Daughter]

Hey everyone, prayers for my mom please. She's got pnuemonia, which normally wouldn't be THAT big a deal, but in her case, because she only has the one lung, it can be pretty serious. She kinda downplays these things, tries to make it sound like it's nothing. With her, though it is definitely something.

Dr. Liz has been up to see her and of course, Anna knows her way around this stuff pretty good. So, she's in excellent hands.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

[aliantha]

Done. Get well soonest, Furls! And thanks for letting us know, Fire Daughter.

[Edge]

Get better soon, Furlsy!

[Menolly]

*sitting on hands that want to type a reprimand and say "I told you so..," regarding pushing yourself so hard you would make yourself sick*

...deep calming breath...

...down Jewish Mama, down...

That didn't work very well, did it.
Feel well soon Furls!!!

[Dromond]

Furls Fire, you know I'm a man incapable of prayer or such petitions... but I give... what hope and strength I have...to you and your Family, that you get well and carry on. The world is such a kinder, better place with you in it.

[Dromond]

Heart Song... 'Anna'... Thank you for joining us. The tale grows in wonder... I am in awe yet again... with your addition to the 'Watch... be welcome and true!

[SoulBiter]

Many many prayers going up for you Furls and for the whole family. You have really gone through a trying time and you all need rest.

[Furls Fire]

Thank you everyone...big big huggles to you all!

Brooke has a big mouth! Heh...

I'm on the mend. Spent a couple of days down in the hospital, not fun! It upset me tho because both of the girls left for school yesterday. Myles and Brooke headed back to Berkeley, and Russ took Heidi up to Pullman. She was nervous, but by the time Russ left her last night, she was doing really good. I talked to her on the phone, and she really likes her dorm mate. She's excited about starting classes tomorrow.

Hope all is well with everyone!

[Heart Song]

Such a beautiful post, Anna! A heart-felt lament. I really have no words - just acknowledgement of your feelings. I hope you find love and peace with your visit to the house of love! That's what it is - Furls, Harvey Guy(!), Brooke and the rest - a place like no other. Ah, I wish I could jump in the tardis and visit!

I've been here a few times, and each time I am overwhelmed by the feeling of absolute love that radiants here. It's hard to even put it into words. You come here, and it's nuts, kids everywhere, phones ringing constantly, and just nonstop noise from sunrise to sunset. But, over all that the sense of peace is almost tangible, if you put your hand against a wall of this house, you can almost feel the warmth of that peace just flowing through it. You can almost see a subtle glow shining from it when the house is dark and all are sleeping. I know no other place on earth that comes close to this house when it comes to feeling so completely safe and loved. If I didn't have too, I would never leave here.

Beautiful spirits live here.

Heart Song... 'Anna'... Thank you for joining us. The tale grows in wonder... I am in awe yet again... with your addition to the 'Watch... be welcome and true!

Thank you, Dromond! I am very happy to be here! Especially in this wonderful place where Stephen still brings people together with his voice and his love. He truly was glorious.

Don't let Tracie fool you all, she's still not out of the woods with this pnuemonia. And, the pnuemonia wasn't the primary reason for her little trip to the hospital. She has swollen lymph glands all over, so she had some biopsies done. We are looking at the possibility of Lymphoma. The girls didn't want to leave for school, but she insisted that they go, we all did. Please pray for her.

And for me, because when she finds out that I just spilled this, the roof will be raised I'm sure...

[Menolly]

And for me, because when she finds out that I just spilled this, the roof will be raised I'm sure...

You ain't kidding.
We just chatted via messenger, and no mention of this was made.
FURLS!!!!

Take care of yourself, lady!
More prayers being bombarded your way.

Refuah sheleima!!!
*I'll need your mother's name to say a misheberach*

Mi Sheberach

[Furls Fire]

Oh...

Sweet sweet mercy...

How does one tell family and friends such things? I didn't say anything because, well honestly, I didn't have a way too. Besides, there isn't any medical confirmation yet. I'll know probably today or tomorrow at the latest what all the tests show. Really, tho...I pretty much know what they will tell me. I haven't been dreaming of raging storms for no reason. I have known a storm was coming for quite some time.

I apologize, Pam..and to Brian as well, I spoke with him yesterday too. Understand please...I just could not find a way.

And Anna, I believe you did me a favor. How do you tell people you love so much what may be coming when you know how it will hurt them?

Huggles all

I love you!

Pam, my mother's name is Rose Marie, thank you for misheberach. Such beauty.

[Furls Fire]

Ah, such silence. I can almost see it. Please, everyone...let's not do this. I told Eric on the phone that this isn't what I wanted. I don't want fear or...what's the word...caution as to what to say to me. I will weather this, as I have everything else life has given me. Whatever this turns out to be, I have no intention of laying down to it. By God's sweet Grace and the strength of His Hands holding me, I will stand up against it. Who I worry about the most is my family and all of my friends and all of you, I do not want people to fear for me. Or worry about me. Or walk on eggshells around me. Or feel sorry for me. I am who I am, regardless of what befalls me.

Storms come, they rage for awhile, blowing and booming and flashing...but they end, and the sun breaks thru the clouds, and sometimes you even get that perverbial rainbow. The storm comes, but I look ahead to the cloud break and the sweet smell after the rain has gone.

I am being held, right now...

This is what it means
to be held
how it feels
when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive
this is what it is to be loved
and to know that the promise was
when everything fell
we'd be held...

This too...
shall pass...

I love you all

[Menolly]

Oh Furls, please don't take my silence as being seriously angry at you. Today was Beorn's first day back at school, and I had a request to make an avatar for someone on one of the games, and I have my own personal mishaps going on, and...and...and...

Anyway, I am glad you are facing this positively and with hope. We will do the same for you.

[Furls Fire]

I didn't think that you were angry Pam

Just heard from Liz and we have a diagnosis. Leave it to me to get the rare one:

nodular lymphocyte-predominant Hodgkin lymphoma. NLPHL

Fun times ahead. I go back to the hospital tomorrow for additional tests to stage it. Hopefully we will get them all done in one day, so I don't have to stay over night. NLPHL is a rare form of Hodgkin's, apparently only 5% of people diagnosed with Hodgkin's have NLPHL, AND less then 1% of those are female. So, I'm a rarity.

Now that I know what the storm is going to be, I can prepare for it....

And...sigh...I just got all my hair back!

[Menolly]

Alright...
...so it is time we team together to do what we can to support you.

Other than our prayers and positive energy, what can we, as a community, to do help you, Harley Guy, and the rest of the family while you weather this storm?