i voted "inevitable" because...even tho intellectually i know there is "nothing to worry about", i am a worry wart. i can't help worrying
so there is no use to tell me not to, or for me to try and tell myself
not to. i'm going to worry over it. death, that is.
the good news is that my worry list is so long that this worry is
fairly near the bottom of the list, right beneath worrying about
toenail fungus.

(just to give you an idea of the extent of my
worry-wartism, i started worrying about menopause when i was
30!!

)
i have tried on many philosophical hats in my 52+ years (53 in august)
was raised christian (don't ask what flavor protestant cause i've never
been able to figure out, somewhere between disciples of christ and southern baptist
if i had to guage) so i have all that stuff in my head (and some vestiges of it left in my heart as well),
looked into buddhism (several different flavors of that - dad became a buddhist in his later years before his death),
and have read or marginally looked into a lot of different ideas about death. mostly because i am curious. partly
because, when i set out for an inevitable destination (say the Safeway or
the Walgreens or whatever) i like to know which bus to ride to get me there.
the only idea that has really stuck with me is one that occurred to me a
long time ago...when i was around 23 or 24.
that we are made up of a lot of stuff, water, blood, tissue, bone, and energy.
and i learned that the first law of thermodynamics is that energy cannot
be created or destroyed,
it can only change forms.
this, of all the philosophies and theories i've come in contact with or heard about or learned about,
is the only one, nearly 53 years down the road, that still rings true to me.
it keeps me from worrying overmuch.
i'd like to believe that i will continue on, in some way. i'd like to live at least 800 years.
(not forever cause that's too long. 800 years seems a
good round number) i still have a lot of questions about the nature of
conciousness but i no longer worry about pleasing some god or other.
i no longer wonder if every thought or act i have or do is going to have
some horrible repercussions down the road. i try not to worry about
judgements because that is based in fear. i try not to be fearful because
that's no way to live.
i try to be a good person according to the things i've learned from
all the sources i've had contact with (whether it be christianity, buddhism,
science fiction, philosophy, the consultation of "oracles", or from just
watching my fellow human beings navigate their own lives.)
i have faith that in the end, i will find the answers to the questions i still
have, and if not, if there are no answers forthcoming, i try to be okay
with even that.
and i try,
hard as i can,
not
to
worry.
