Very good news, dAN!
I miss you, too, Fist. I'll be glad when you're back, and hope you have a great time in Florida with your family.
You know, perhaps I am wrong, but I have the impression that Stephen only became stronger as a human being, stronger spiritually, the tougher things got for him.
Traditional Blessing and Healing Chant
Just as the soft rains fill the streams,
pour into the rivers and join together in the oceans,
so may the power of every moment of your goodness
flow forth to awaken and heal all beings,
Those here now, those gone before, those yet to come.
By the power of every moment of your goodness
May your heart's wishes be soon fulfilled
as completely shining as the bright full moon,
as magically as by a wish-fulfilling gem.
By the power of every moment of your goodness
May all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.
May no obstacle come across your way.
May you enjoy fulfillment and long life.
For all in whose heart dwells respect,
who follow the wisdom and compassion, of the Way,
May your life prosper in the four blessings
of old age, beauty, happiness and strength.
I've been reading his journals from the time he started them at a very young age to the time that he passed. There is one aspect of his life that never wavered, never changed, and that was his faith. There is an entry from when he was 11 years old where he spoke of Jesus visiting him, and telling him that he had much to do as he grew older...but he would not have much time to do everything. Stephen knew he would not live to grow old. Even as a child, he understood that.
I know I have said this before, forgive me all for repeating myself, but I feel compelled to say it again. This man was extraordinary. There are entries here describing different people he helped over the years; his efforts for AIDS understanding and tolerence; his passion for life; his school years, his university years; his one and only love whom he left in order to spare her the grief of his disease; his love for his family, especially his sister: Tracie; his music; his art; his writing; his reading. And yet, through all that, behind all that or in front of it, was God. His belief, his faith. Stephen lived his life "in the light of God the Father" as he says in several entries. He did nothing unless he knew it was something that God would want him to do or approve of him doing. So, living in this way, he could never conceivably do "wrong". Not that he didn't make mistakes, he did and berated himself in his journal entries for them, but making a mistake and doing something known to be wrong are two different things. Stephen never knowingly did anything "wrong" or "evil" or "hateful". It just was not in him.
Well, forgive my ramble, as all this has been said before about him. It is just that I am nearing the end now, and reading Stephen, hearing Stephen, gets me now through the days. And I just felt the need to express it again. What Tracie and Stephen have done for me is a miracle.
--Isaiah
"Even the blind can see this light, what a glorious passing this is.." -Stephen C. McKinney
I turned 11 today, made it to another one. Makes me happy, had a great party, all my friends and family were there. Tracie surprised me with a beautiful leather bound edition of The Lord of the Rings, includes The Hobbit, which in this edition is called “There and Back Again”. The maps are fantastic, they are the fold out kind and when unfurled they are huge, and in full color too, way way cool. My parents also surprised me with a brand new bike, 10 speed, it’s metallic blue and sparkles in the sun, I nearly flipped over the handle bars when I tried the handbrake for the first time. Ha Ha! Chris, Matt and Julie all pitched in and got me a walkman with a bunch of cassettes to go with it. Tracie’s boyfriend, Russ, got me a football. He says he thinks I read to much. Ha Ha! Well, we threw it around in the yard today and I showed him (and my brothers) that I don’t just read. Ha Ha! It was a great day, I was surrounded in love and light.
I knew Jesus was here too, is here, He is always here, but at my birthday party, I really felt Him. He came to me in my dreams last night. We talked for awhile. He said that growing old is for others, and not for me. I didn’t understand and asked Him what he meant. He told me that I have much to do, there is great work ahead of me, and that the time I will have to do it in, will be short.
“Does that mean I am to die soon?” I asked Jesus then.
“There is no death, only a pass.” He said to me. “You will pass sooner then most, and later than others.”
He is hard to understand sometimes. I think I know what He meant, though. I won’t grow old. I may not even make it to adulthood. But, I will not die. I might leave my body, and leave this earth and pass on to Heaven, but I will not die. And before I do pass on, there is something I have to do. He didn’t tell me what, I guess I’m not supposed to know what it is yet. I probably wouldn’t understand it right now, anyway.
I often wonder how I will die. Will it be quick? Or will I be sick for a long time, like my grandpa, who died slowly of cancer. I hope it won’t be like that. I hope to go in my sleep, while having a beautiful dream of peace. But, even if I do get sick, and have to die that way, I know Jesus will be there for me and help me through the bad days. And I know He will guide me Home to the Father.
Wow, Steve, you shouldn’t talk about dying on your birthday. That’s kind of like a bad omen or something. Not that I believe in such things, but you never know. So, I wonder how the year that I am 11 will go. I hope it is as wonderful as my 10th. I love life.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the Road has gone
And I must follow, if I can
Pursuing it with eager feet
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet
And wither then? I cannot say…
--JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Let life come and lead me down its road. I am ready.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
May the blessing of light be on you,
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunshine shine on you
and warm your heart
till it glows like a great peat fire,
so that the stranger may come
and be warmed at it,
and also a friend.
And may the light shine out
of the two eyes of you,
like a candle set
in the two windows of a house,
bidding the wanderer
come in out of the storm;
and may the blessings of the rain be on you
-- the soft, sweet rain.
May it fall upon your spirit
so that all the little flowers
may spring up
and shed their sweetness
on the air.
And may the blessings
of the Great Rains be on you,
may they beat upon your spirit
and wash it fair and clean,
and leave there many a shining pool
where the blue of heaven shines,
and sometimes a star.
And may the blessing of the
Earth be on you
-the great round earth;
may you ever have a
kindly greeting
for those you pass
as you're going along the roads.
May the earth be soft
under you when
you rest upon it,
tired at the end of a day,
and may it rest easy over you when at the last,
you lay out under it;
may it rest so lightly over you
that your soul may be off from under it quickly
and up and off, and on its way to God.
And now may God bless you all and bless you kindly.
Amen.
(Traditional Irish Blessing)
If there was anyone who was blessed by the light, it was Stephen...
Yes, second grade, heh. Russ spit on her desk. She said it was love at first sight. They were 7
Reminds of a country song, I can't remember who sings it. It's about a little boy who passes a note to a little girl in a classroom, and the note says...
"Do you love me, do you want to me my friend....Check yes or no"
I don't know all the words. But I always like that song
"Even the blind can see this light, what a glorious passing this is.." -Stephen C. McKinney
I caught a fragrance today, a beautiful scent, one that sent me back to high school. Sent me back to Anna. Ah, Anna Maria, the one great love of my life. Sweet sweet Anna, who blessed me with her unconditional love, an angel on earth, whose love I ran from. And today, while at a poetry reading, her fragrance, the one that she wore, the one I would buy for her at every occasion, wafted along the air of the little bookstore where I read. And I paused in the middle of Tennyson and called out her name. My follow poetry addicts all stared silently at me as I became lost in her memory. And instead of finishing Tennyson, I began to mutter a lyric I long ago wrote for her…
Come dance Anna
Dance with me
The world’s music plays only for us
Along night’s ebony veil
Cold beauty
Sweet grace
Hand in hand, beautiful Anna Maria
Under the white on black
Illuminations of the moon.
Silly of me really. And my friends looked on in silence as I returned to the here and now, took up Tennyson where I had left off. And so, inevitably, I came home and poured over my memories and entries of her. Anna Maria, have you ever forgiven me for running from you? For not trusting your love? For trying to spare you? I mourn that flight. Of all the deeds I’ve done in this life, that one I regret. Do you know how many times I started on my way back to you? How many times I picked up the phone? I know you have found another, and you are happy. I regret it for myself, not for you, for I know your life is now full. You have children, you have health, you have love. All my prayers for you were answered.
“I don’t care what will come. I love you. I want to help you, be with you.”
“It will become terrible, Anna. So terrible. I want more for you than that, I love you too much to allow you to witness what is to come. I can’t bear the thought of you watching what will happen to me.”
“I’d rather be with you when it is at its most terrible, than not be with you at all. Isn’t that what love is? Stephen, don’t do this.”
Even now, some memories bring such pain. Was it right of me to make that choice for her? To impose my will over hers? Looking at her life now, I believe it was. And yet, somehow, I feel as though I took something from her. Denied her the simple right of choice. I don’t know, right or wrong, I have to believe it best now. Though the pain is great. Yet, I will endure it. And I pray that for Anna, the hurt is no more than just a bittersweet memory of her high school sweetheart. Live happy, Anna, live full Anna, live life Anna.
I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...
To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie
Stephen C wrote:He is hard to understand sometimes.
What a great line! I suppose Stephen might have been thoroughly perplexed at the moment he wrote this, but can't you just see him shaking his head and laughing? "Come on, Jesus, you're killing me here!" I love it!
Stephen C wrote:So, I wonder how the year that I am 11 will go. I hope it is as wonderful as my 10th. I love life.
I can barely speak after lines like this. And the entire Anna entry! But I can't be the only one who hears Amok's voice here:
"Ah, Kevin! Life is sweet, and I have lived so short a time! Must I pass away?"
But I have another quote that reminds me of Stephen and Tracie. It's from the The Wild, which is the third Neverness book, and is intended to whet Tracie's interest in the series. Truly, I don't think it spoils any serious point in the story.
All that an Architect did - the foods that she ate or shunned, her prayers, her words and thoughts, the way that she sexed with her husband - every detail of her life should reflect her love of God. In truth, it was the Edeic ideal to bring God into every aspect of life, to behold Ede's infinite face in such finite things as a flower or even a plastic cup. Where the Iviomils and even many of the Juriddik valued the Logics only because they prescribed a way that human beings might live contentedly as human beings in a universe of vast and bewildering technologies, Harrah revered them for their own sake. Each logic, each prayer before interfacing or ritual words spoken at one of her grandchildren's births, was a symbolic gesture designed to bring her into a greater awareness of God. Each of the many religious objects in her room, from her devotionary computer to the Ede figurines to the holy heaume, was a sacred work of cybernetica that the Logics suggested all the Worthy should display. For each individual logic - and each physical representation of the Logics' ideals - was a point of contact with the divine. It was Harrah's hope that her people would regard Ede's Program for man even as she regarded Ede's mysterious face which glistened on the far wall: with obedience, with thankfulness, with faith, and above all, with wonder.
And I quoted this passage from Fools Crow: Wisdom and Power on another thread. But it's the same idea, and maybe some people didn't see it on the other thread. Fools Crow is asked about secular vs. spiritual life:
"What is secular?" he asked.
"Life in the daily world as opposed to spiritual life."
He stroked his chin before he spoke. "There is natural power and there is spiritual power, but in the old days my people did not separate daily life in the world from spiritual life. Everything was spiritual. We were soaked with it. It is only now that we see a difference. Our attitude was spiritual, and Wakan-Tanka and his Helpers were involved in everything we thought and did. This is the way it has continued to be with me and in the lives of other traditional people."
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
Love your quotes, Fist. And how very appropriate. It is true, for me, and for Stephen, there is no seperation between "world" life and "spiritual" life. The body and the soul complete the person, it is my belief that without soul, a person is lost. I look at the world and I see God everywhere...but I also see the work of Satan as well.
I choose to live by God's will, for me, there is no other way I could live. Who I am is defined by my faith in Him. As it was for Stephen. There is no easy way to explain "faith". Some call it "blind faith", because I have no "proof" of the Lord's existence. But, I ask this...why do I need to prove anything, when all that I am tells me He exists?
"For those who do not believe in Me, no proof will suffice, for those who do believe in Me, no proof is necessary."
Tracie, what is a Jesus Freak?
Why do you ask?
Because some kids called me that today, when I told them I talk to Jesus in my dreams.
It's something people call other people when they don't understand our faith in God. It's their way of laughing off something they can't figure out.
I thought that might be it. Anyway, I told them that I was proud to be a Jesus Freak. If I'm going to be freakie about something, Jesus is it.
Good for you, Stevie.
--this conversation took place when Stephen was around 8 years old. He is all the proof I need of God's existence.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
Furls Fire wrote:But, I ask this...why do I need to prove anything, when all that I am tells me He exists?
Beats me. I never asked you for any proof. My beliefs don't require you to agree with them. I'm not at all concerned with HOW you got to be the loving, beautiful, happy person you are, just that you are.
Furls Fire wrote:I thought that might be it. Anyway, I told them that I was proud to be a Jesus Freak. If I'm going to be freakie about something, Jesus is it.
This kid kills me! I wrote Jesus long before I ever heard of Stephen, or even met you, but I can sure see Stephen in Jesus.
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
Fist wrote:Beats me. I never asked you for any proof. My beliefs don't require you to agree with them. I'm not at all concerned with HOW you got to be the loving, beautiful, happy person you are, just that you are.
Oh, I know that I wasn't talking to you when I was saying those things. Just making an observation about those wonderful quotes. And there have been many many times that I've been asked to "prove" God's existence. That is something I just don't try to do. I see no reason too.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
Ethereal glitter, delicate gleams
Starlight winks against
the shine of your raven hair
beautiful Anna Maria
how you came to me is mystery
soulmate, heartmate, lover mine
this night sings you to me
enshrouded, embraced, entombed within
this magic, this music, this darkness divine
Come dance Anna
Dance with me
The world’s music plays only for us
Along this night’s ebony veil
Cold beauty
Sweet grace
Hand in hand, beautiful Anna Maria
Under the white on black
Illuminations of the moon.
--Stephen C. McKinney
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
Shadow is in crisis again. This recent attack is called Mycobacterium Avium Complex, which is a TB like blood infection. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
hugglessssssssssssss
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
* 
What a great line! I suppose Stephen might have been thoroughly perplexed at the moment he wrote this, but can't you just see him shaking his head and laughing? "Come on, Jesus, you're killing me here!" I love it! 