How do you feel today? v. 3.0

[aliantha]

Yeah, but it's *such* a pain. We only had one scare when the kids were small. Once was plenty!

[Avatar]

Now...what exactly is a "mud"

Multi-User Dungeon.

What became MMORPG's.

--A

[Iolanthe]

Yeah, but it's *such* a pain. We only had one scare when the kids were small. Once was plenty!

They are much easier to treat nowadays. I once had my head doused in paraffin!

Multi-User Dungeon.

What became MMORPG's.

--A

And what on earth are MMORPG's? See what I mean?

[sgt.null]

i am here to testify that some products work better than adverted. magnesium citrate being one such.

staples out tomorrow. return to work next monday. hoping i talked my captain out of working at the damned trusty camp.

[Linna Heartbooger]

ali- oh, right... "mud."
That would more be the kids... mud, dirt, whatever they can find. =)

Linna, Do you remember the Bad Illustrating Contest?

:facepalm!:
Thank you, Effy... nooo, actually I didn't remember!
I had forgotten that I have the ball and need to make the next move!

staples out tomorrow. return to work next monday.

ugghh... that doesn't sounds like an encouraging spot to be in.

[SoulBiter]

Linna! And yeah, cell phones become more indispensable as the kids get older. You've got a while yet, I think.

The benefit of having gone through that. Collect all cell phones as the kids enter the house. Otherwise as they get older, they end up on the phone (texting mostly) at all hours rather than sleeping. Then you start getting calls asking why your kid is falling asleep in school.

We continue certain rules to this day. No cell phones at the table. When we sit down to eat, we are there for family time.

[aliantha]

Cell phones weren't the big deal they are now when my kids were growing up. I remember when one of their friends got one of the first Droids (oooh, shiny!) -- I think she was a sophomore in high school -- and texting pretty much wasn't a huge thing until then. It would be way worse now.

[I'm Murrin]

And the game begins...


...Or more accurately, the establishing stage before the game begins begins...

(It's still very easy for me to add another player, if anyone decides to go for it. Offer available for a limited time only!)

[Seareach]

I'm feeling crap! <sigh...something>

I've got a half head cold. Weird sensation. Usually I get a head cold in my whole head or it starts in one side and then takes over my whole head. 5 days and it's still only on the right side. And then I've got a chipped top front tooth (courtesy of Son of Seareach who was jumping around like a jack rabbit and then smacked into the underside of my jaw) that I'm going to have to wait until Monday to get fixed. Yesterday I was in so much pain I wanted to die! <grumble> Although, today it's not so bad! YAY!

But I suppose the worst thing is I'm having to deal with a whole lot of stuff that's *way* out of my depth. I have a friend who has bipolar and has moderate personality disorder. She accepts the former but rejects the latter diagnosis'. We've known each other for 6 years. She's my closest friend in the town I live. I was unaware of her mental health issues until the last couple of years. Then again, I think she was unaware or (more accurately) she'd had issues in the past but she'd managed them. Suddenly she wasn't managing them (which coincided with her getting involved in a relationship).

Over the past two years (since this relationship started) she's started to really struggle with life and just recently...well...she's totally losing it (in a certifiable way). She's been a cutter in the past, and has taken this up again, including two weeks ago when she hacked up her arm so badly she cut an artery. She's on medication (including lithium) but drinks alcohol nearly every night. A no-no for so many different reasons. Anyway the worst thing about this is she's a single mum (her girlfriend doesn't live with her) with a 10 year old daughter. My heart goes out to her (the daughter). It's a living hell she's having to deal with.

But, I've had enough! I'm at the point that I don't want to have to deal with my friend anymore. I feel *so* bad about that but it's come to the point where I think that picking up the pieces and dealing with her behavior and being there for her etc is *enabling* her to continue to stick her head in the sand. She won't help herself and I'm sick to death of trying to help, of having to "be there" all the time for her when she isn't (or can't) be there for me--it's always been more of a one-sided friendship and particularly over the last few years.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a bitch for thinking "I'm over this" but what can I do? Babysitting her, or being on call for her, or whatever is starting to take up so much of my time (including precious family time). She won't take any of my advice (ie: stop drinking, GO TO AA or something!!). eat something (she hardly eats), stop seeing your girlfriend for the time being (they've been on and off again so many times I've lost count, and the relationship is what's causing most of the problems imo). When we see each other she doesn't give a sh*t about what's going on in my life. It's all about her. I know this is a symptom of her condition but still....

I guess I'm wondering what other people would do. Am I a bitch for not being compassionate? And of course I worry if I tell her to leave me alone that she'll flip out totally and then I'll feel responsible. I don't know. Wish I did!

[aliantha]

No, Sea, you're not a bitch. You're simply not qualified to help her. And anything she does, or doesn't do, is Not Your Fault. You're not responsible for her. Period.

Altho if you can figure out some way to help the daughter get away from that environment, even for a little while, I think that would be terrific.

[Cambo]

I've had a similar situation, Sea. I know that feel. My friend is now in the dubious care of her father, the schmuck who should've been the one she could call on to wash the cuts on her arms and hold her while she cried.

But yeah, the straw that made me disengage was her refusal to see a fucking doctor. I decided I wasn't prepared to pour all this energy into someone who wouldn't take the most basic steps to help herself. Now she lives with her Dad, and while their relationship isn't great, my conscience is clear in that there's someone around to make sure she doesn't do anything drastic. For a while I was the only one there. While I absolutely don't begrudge my help, I feel I've paid my dues. I did what I could when I was needed, which is more than most of her family and friends can say. Now I'm done. Sounds like you're approaching that stage as well. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[Avatar]

And what on earth are MMORPG's? See what I mean?

Massively Multi-player Online Role Playing Games. Like WoW. (World of Warcraft.)


And yeah Sea...don't beat yourself up about it. There's only so much that can be done for somebody else. The rest they have to do themselves. And you can't make them do it.

--A

[lorin]

Anyway the worst thing about this is she's a single mum (her girlfriend doesn't live with her) with a 10 year old daughter. My heart goes out to her (the daughter). It's a living hell she's having to deal with.

My mother was a cutter which totally screwed up my head. (as I think you have gotten a dose of from me ) I became a cutter. This is one of the reasons I never had kids. Call protective services, even anonymously. Let them intervene. You are not equipped to handle this situation. I wish someone had called when I was a child, maybe things would have been different for me (and my mother).

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

I have to agree with lorin - it may be not easy to do something like that, but leaving a child in such a situation is dangerous. As for telling her to leave you alone - you tried to help by supporting and giving advice, that didn't help. Leaving her with herself to rely on may end up differently. And, even if this ends badly, you've done a lot, there's just that you can help people, but you can't think and decide and wish to live instead of them.

Perhaps you could mention exactly that you hope she may learn to rely on herself, that you think support gives her ways not to take care of herself, explain so that she knows you do it not because you don't care, that can make her feel not needed and thus even worse - but exactly because you care and hope she's capable of more.

Sarge, on the downside, they'll have to be taken out, on the upside, after that they'll be taken out. Get better soon

[Cagliostro]

I too have been in a similar friendship, Sea. At some point, you have to decide a cold hard fact: is this relationship more harmful than enjoyable? Then act accordingly. I felt bad ditching this friend, but he was getting scary crazy, and I backed off. Later I found out at a party that I had an especially bad time at and left early and never even saw him at, he had the shit beaten out of him for trying to sexually assult another friend of mine. And it was one of those few times in my life that I said, "well, good for those jocks there for doing that."
His parents really had done a number on him though. They always told him that they were his brother and sister, or aunt and uncle or something, and his grandparents always told him they were his parents, but basically treated him like he didn't exist. When they finally told him after I was already backing away, he went to a dark place I wanted nothing to do with. Thankfully he never got outwardly resentful, which was a bit of a fear of mine.

[SoulBiter]

My wife has a lifelong friend that has similar issues. Bi-polar, depression, cutting, then physical issues from not taking care of herself (diabetes, etc).

They have known each other for the better part of 30 years and yet when the phone rings and its my wifes friend, she cringes. When she is invited for a 'girls weekend', she cringes. Because it turns into a cry fest and a guilt trip, every time. Her friend has forgotten how to have a good time. As with most with these issues, she cant let go of things... ever.

I have to remind my wife every once in a while, that her friends issues are not my wifes fault and she cant feel guilty when she just cant bear to deal with another cry fest.

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

Maybe this won't do any good, but I thought of wood carving - I find it can calm my nerves, it has something in common with cutting, but the cuts go to the wood, not to self.

lorin, may I recommend you to try this?

And maybe this suggestion could be passed to the friends mentioned here? I understand most likely it's useless attempt, but it can be tried - at least it's not likely to do worse.

I'm not sure if it may work any similarly to how it works for me - in theory, I think the destructive part, cutting through the wood, sometimes almost as if attacking it, allows to vent out, maybe in a way similar to how some people cut themselves, some attack the others, some break things etc. And the creative part, if it's present, - not always so - allows to have something to take place of the feelings thrown out, maybe to transform and transcend.

[Iolanthe]

I'm de-loused. Can't wait to wash this stuff off in the morning.

[lorin]

lorin, may I recommend you to try this?

I wasn't clear. I no longer act on those urges. Haven't for many years. Thanks though, for the suggestion.

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

lorin, I didn't mean you do - I saw the phrasing was not obvious, decided it could be a not bad recommendation in either case - like I said, I recommend from own experience, and I'm not a cutter, it generally helps to soothe the nerves for the same reasons - though I'm not sure, if it seems not acceptable for some own reasons, or because of the vague similarity, maybe better to dump that idea in this case, I'm not familiar enough with the topic and your situation to be much of a good advisor without someone with a more precise understanding.

Io, congrats on getting rid of that, if that's any good excuse for congrats)