Pushing someone's buttons

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

Decided to start a special thread for this. It can be viewed as a mental exercise - to either try to verbally attack someone, or to take such an attack gracefully. If you're willing for only a half of that, please warn first. Also I can suggest using spoiler tags - if you wish to reassure someone just in case or to say what you really think.

General recommendations on how to do this are also very welcome.

Io, you're particularly invited. Feel free to try to verbally attack me - I'll know you don't mean it. And even if you won't use anything like that actually, it may be useful to just know, perhaps to feel more self-assured.

[SerScot]

Your nose... is large!

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

Really, so much for an insult - all the precision and deadliness of throwing clay when sniper rifles should be in action.

Spoiler

Got to admit, didn't see something like that coming

[Iolanthe]

Oh dear. The best I can do is, I don't always understand what you are getting at. Some of the things you say go way over my head. Will that do?

[Hashi Lebwohl]

Oh dear. The best I can do is, I don't always understand what you are getting at. Some of the things you say go way over my head. Will that do?

That is because you are stupid.

*************

That is how you verbally attack someone--you ignore all the usual pleasantries and go for the throat. Notice that this is much easier to do on the Internet--I don't have to look you in the eye or see your reactions when you read the attack. I also have the security of anonymity--you don't know me so any reaction you might have about my attack is irrelevant.

Fortunately, I don't really think you are stupid--I don't even know you at all; nevertheless, the purpose of the exercise was to verbally attack someone. Never take anything personally, though, especially on the Internet.

Really, so much for an insult - all the precision and deadliness of throwing clay when sniper rifles should be in action.

Would you mind standing downwind when you speak? You smell as if you have not bathed in two weeks.

*poke*

[Iolanthe]

That is because you are stupid.

*************

That is how you verbally attack someone--you ignore all the usual pleasantries and go for the throat. Notice that this is much easier to do on the Internet--I don't have to look you in the eye or see your reactions when you read the attack. I also have the security of anonymity--you don't know me so any reaction you might have about my attack is irrelevant.

Fortunately, I don't really think you are stupid--I don't even know you at all; nevertheless, the purpose of the exercise was to verbally attack someone. Never take anything personally, though, especially on the Internet.

[/color]

Yes, I laughed out loud when I saw that. Problem is I don't "know" Effie so have no idea how to attack her, or anyone else for that matter. It is totally against my nature to do so.

[Iolanthe]

Double post, sorry!

(Deep breath) I'm fed up with you. You never finish anything, you never keep your promises to do things. Your car stinks and is always full of rubbish; I wish I never had to be driven anywhwere by you again. Your hair and clothes are always filthy, your house is a mess.

Spoiler

I would actually like to say all this to someone I know but I couldn't as she would be terribly hurt! And she would probably never give me a lift again.

[Hashi Lebwohl]

Yes, I laughed out loud when I saw that. Problem is I don't "know" Effie so have no idea how to attack her, or anyone else for that matter. It is totally against my nature to do so.

There is nothing wrong with being someone who does not go on the attack at any convenient opportunity. My wife is the same way.

I don't know her, either, which is why an anonymous attack needs to be something non-specific--it doesn't even have to be true, only phrased as an attack.

Your protruding underbite makes you look like an orc.

[Iolanthe]

This could be quite theraputic. I could say all the things I can't say to other people without upsetting them.

BTW, I presume it is Effy you don't know, not your wife?

[Hashi Lebwohl]

This could be quite theraputic. I could say all the things I can't say to other people without upsetting them.

Exactly. If someone upsets you in real life then you rant here and vent on one of us. You receive the positive benefit of saying it and thus getting past it while we suffer no negative effects whatsoever.

BTW, I presume it is Effy you don't know, not your wife?

You are correct in your assessment. My wife I know; Effaeldm I do not.

[Avatar]

But not strictly within the implication of the title.

Since pushing somebodies buttons suggests a particular type of attack, which plays specifically upon issues known to be sensitive for the target.

--A

[Iolanthe]

And that, Av, is my getout clause. Suppose I attack Effy and, not knowing her, accidentally hit on something that will really hurt?

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

Oh dear. The best I can do is, I don't always understand what you are getting at. Some of the things you say go way over my head. Will that do?

Compliments tend to make pathetic insults, don't you find?

That is because you are stupid.

Spoiler

go for the throat.

Miserable. Go for the eyes - for the crotch - for whatever is most sensitive, least protected and preferably unfair.

Would you mind standing downwind when you speak? You smell as if you have not bathed in two weeks.

*poke*

What an excuse for a scientist mistakes the smell of chemicals for the lack of bathing?

Problem is I don't "know" Effie so have no idea how to attack her, or anyone else for that matter. It is totally against my nature to do so.

And that, Av, is my getout clause. Suppose I attack Effy and, not knowing her, accidentally hit on something that will really hurt?

Not true actually, you know more about people than you mention.

Double post, sorry!

(Deep breath) I'm fed up with you. You never finish anything, you never keep your promises to do things. Your car stinks and is always full of rubbish; I wish I never had to be driven anywhwere by you again. Your hair and clothes are always filthy, your house is a mess.

Spoiler

I would actually like to say all this to someone I know but I couldn't as she would be terribly hurt! And she would probably never give me a lift again.

Is it better not to start even? To promise nothing? Not to drive ingrates anywhere - let them get their own transport? Can't I do what I want with my own car?

Spoiler

Funny, I don't own a car

[Iolanthe]

Effy wrote

Io, you're particularly invited. Feel free to try to verbally attack me - I'll know you don't mean it. And even if you won't use anything like that actually, it may be useful to just know, perhaps to feel more self-assured.

OK, I'll try to push a button. I get the feeling that I am being "helped" here. It happens quite a lot. I must exude a helpless aura because people are always trying to organise me, look after me. It can be quite enjoyable, especially if the help is physical - I just sit back and think "more fool them". But often it is unhelpful so I go along with whatever it is, then go back to doing my own thing. The helper feels vindicated, and I can forget it. I cannot for the life of me understand why not wanting to to be rude to people (as an example) is a deficiency in my overall makeup. What is it that makes you think I am not self assured, Effy? If what I have said is right, please understand that I am not at all upset by it. More fool you!

[Orlion]

Look at the novel writer over here

[Hashi Lebwohl]

go for the throat.

Miserable. Go for the eyes - for the crotch - for whatever is most sensitive, least protected and preferably unfair.

Now we're talking.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Effy, I think this thread is quite possibly a horrible idea.
(Was that a respectable and condign attempt?)

General recommendations on how to do this are also very welcome.

I would like to know why you are asking this.
(maybe you've already said that but I've bairly read past the OP.)

This actually reminds me of an episode of Dresden Files.
I was watching it, and was amazed to realize that sometimes people PURPOSELY push others' buttons to get valuable data.
That had NEVER quite occurred to me.
You really can learn SO much when you push someone's buttons.

My usual level of empathic feedback + fear that I'll experience the consequences of someone else's wrath for pushing their buttons is so high that...
I tend to be like Iolanthe on this one!

But I'm actually trying to train myself (with others' help) to not be as afraid of the times I DO people's buttons.
Io- Do you, like me, end up accidentally pushing people's buttons BY trying not to?

But not strictly within the implication of the title.

Since pushing somebodies buttons suggests a particular type of attack, which plays specifically upon issues known to be sensitive for the target.

But you respond with a very theoretical response.
You think you walk around with a set of steel armor around here!

So funny Effy started this thread... I am constantly trying to ask myself whether some (many) of the things YOU in particular say are invitations to discussion, or if challenging them (in certain ways that I want to) would be a form of "pushing your buttons"!
(Mostly things you say that "push my buttons"!)

[Iolanthe]

But I'm actually trying to train myself (with others' help) to not be as afraid of the times I DO people's buttons.
Io- Do you, like me, end up accidentally pushing people's buttons BY trying not to?

It's not that I'm afraid of pushing other peoples' buttons, just that there are other ways of getting there than by upsetting people. Yes, I have pushed a few buttons in my time - and I'm getting better at it when necessary. I'm certainly not as afraid as I used to be of getting a bad reaction from people, but if there's no point, and there's another way, I prefer to use it. Almost forty years of marriage has taught me a lot about getting my way without pushing any buttons, even gently.

And another thing, it depends on whose buttons you are pressing. I have one particular friend whose buttons are definitely off limits - her insecurity would fill several lakes.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Yes, I have pushed a few buttons in my time - and I'm getting better at it when necessary.

I'm certainly not as afraid as I used to be of getting a bad reaction from people, but if there's no point, and there's another way, I prefer to use it.

Goodness, yes... most people are FAR too willing to blunder over others' buttons and then just point out how wrong that other person was to respond unreasonably.

...when that was exactly what they expected to happen... but sometimes the button-pusher just wanted to be proved "right," not cause real change.

The discerning is hard sometimes, though, isn't it?

Almost forty years of marriage has taught me a lot about getting my way without pushing any buttons, even gently.

Yaay, you!
It's amazing how many other somewhat valid means there are...
(and for me, amazing how often I find out that my original goal is... short-sighted or based on uninformed notions)

And another thing, it depends on whose buttons you are pressing. I have one particular friend whose buttons are definitely off limits - her insecurity would fill several lakes.

I think that the validity of this idea has ...been disputed!
That said... it's your friend, and it's her pain...
"The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."

[Linna Heartbooger]

Exactly. If someone upsets you in real life then you rant here and vent on one of us. You receive the positive benefit of saying it and thus getting past it while we suffer no negative effects whatsoever.

Actually, I think this one DOES have some serious potential downsides...
<insert some dig or jab at Hashi here>
You're taking the second-order effects too lightly.
(Errm, I think I used "second-order effects" correctly there.)