Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

[Fist and Faith]

I have only just read this entire thread today

'bout freakin' time! Hey Vain, can we somehow make this thread required reading???

Hail and well met Stephen. You obviously burned far too brightly for this dark world.

"That boy is vulnerable. He has too great a capacity for joy. What will he do with it in a world where there's so little occasion for it?"

[Furls Fire]

hail all,

Isaiah is still hanging on. He has not shown any signs of coming out of the coma, but his brain scans continue to show activity (the dream he's having must be a real doozy!), and Liz, his wonderful Dr (my best friend too), is encouraged and seems to think that he will come out of it soon. They did a spinal tap today to check his marrow for the MAC infection and it is still present, which isn't surprising. It takes a good two weeks or more to fully eradicate it. His fever has crept back up but it has not spiked, which is very good.

He's a fighter, and obviously has no intention of letting AIDS have its way with him. Please keep him in your prayers and hearts.

*************************

Vs, I'm so glad you read thru the whole thread and found it uplifting. All who read Stephen's words come away from them feeling that way. You are most welcome here

beautiful quotes as usual from both you and Fist

And to answer them...

"The beauty of the World far outweighs the ugliness of it. We all know the history, the darkness, the evil that crawls over it. But we also know the love and the light that blazes over it. There is music everywhere, there is brilliance everywhere, there is miracle and joy and peace. And for every dark deed, there is a good. We can not just sit back and glower at the evil, complain that the world is dismal. We must do what we can to change it, whether it is just something as inconsequential as giving a homeless person a blanket or a place to sleep, or giving a sick person needed medicine. Or something as grand as overthrowing a ruthless dictator who tortures his own people for a gallon of oil, or feeding a whole tribe of starving, dying people. All that matters is that we try and make the world better. But if we just sit on our asses and stare at the television and whine over it. Then, of course the world is going to be dark and ugly. The love in the world is worth fighting for, and working for, and dying for. Jesus knew this. " --Stephen, part of a speech he gave to ministry students at Berkeley. 1992

Peace

[Fist and Faith]

That is, of course, the appropriate response. Exactly what I would expect from Stephen.

[duchess of malfi]

I wonder if Shadow is dreaming of the Land?

[danlo]

What if SRD reads this and names the hero of The Last Dark Isaiah?

[Worm of Despite]

Shadow, my best wishes go to you--“Wherever Dreaming Goes”. Health and healing, warrior.

Reading this thread has inspired me to write a book on AIDS. The main character is a person suffering not only from a disease but from a depression. The story is a transformation piece--a quest to face death with integrity and alternately see the joy in life. I'm currently at page 23, and it should round out at about 50 or 60 pages. It's called "The Gates of Life", though I'm still debating the title. I'm also considering a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet, "The Readiness Is All", which is fitting. The first chapter was posted here at the Hall some time ago.

[Furls Fire]

I wonder if Shadow is dreaming of the Land?

Actually, I think he's dreaming of Stephen because last night, while I was reading to him, I fell asleep in the chair and had such a vivid dream of the two of them talking together by a slow moving river. They both turned, smiled and waved at me, but then went on with their conversation. I tried to get closer to them, but I couldn't, I was held back. I woke up, bolted upright, and thinking that Isaiah had passed on, I quickly checked his monitors...

Maybe I was given a peek into Isaiah's dream

What if SRD reads this and names the hero of The Last Dark Isaiah?

Way cool thought!! Is he looking for a name???

Reading this thread has inspired me to write a book on AIDS. The main character is a person suffering not only from a disease but from a depression. The story is a transformation piece--a quest to face death with integrity and alternately see the joy in life. I'm currently at page 23, and it should round out at about 50 or 60 pages. It's called "The Gates of Life", though I'm still debating the title. I'm also considering a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet, "The Readiness Is All", which is fitting. The first chapter was posted here at the Hall some time ago.

I'm so glad that Stephen and now Isaiah have inspired you LF!! I hope to read more of your story. Let me know if you still need help with any of it. I think it's very good so far.

[variol son]

I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.

I used to believe this, then for some reason I stopped. I guess it just hurt to much to feel all the emotion that often goes with crying, or with the reasons behind the tears. But I think I am learning to weep again. Thank you Stephen. Thank you Isaiah. Wherever you are, wherever you go, be well and at peace.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the moon, East of the Sun.

Sum sui generis
Vs

[Furls Fire]

I used to believe this, then for some reason I stopped. I guess it just hurt to much to feel all the emotion that often goes with crying, or with the reasons behind the tears. But I think I am learning to weep again. Thank you Stephen. Thank you Isaiah. Wherever you are, wherever you go, be well and at peace.

Vs..

I have always believed that holding back tears is a very damaging thing to do to yourself. We all hurt, we all feel pain, and holding it all in, keeping it all inside can only hurt you worse. People believe that by not crying they are being strong and brave...others see this and say "oh look how well he/she is taking all this". But I say this, it takes more strength and bravery to let it all go and cry, then it does to hold it all in. Don't be afraid to cry.

Hugglesssssssssssssssssssssssss to you, wish I could give them to you in person.

********************************

And now onto Isaiah. He opened his eyes today!! Tho it was only for a very brief moment, they were opened, he blinked a few times, moved his hands, then slipped back into coma. So, he's coming around slowly. Fever is still being stubborn, hovering around 101. Liz ordered another round of tests and we should get results within a day or two, she's not sure what is causing the fever...if it's the PCP, the MAC or something else... his CD4 is very very very low...38, it's time for another transfusion, but we have to wait until all signs of infection are gone.

Hold him in your hearts, and say extra prayers everyone. He's still fighting

Peace

[Fist and Faith]

Come on Shadow!! (He sounds kinda stubborn, doesn't he? )

[Furls Fire]

We had an interesting night. I want back around 10pm..just got back home here a few minutes ago.. and he woke up twice. The second time he tried to speak. I think he said he couldn't see But, I"m not sure going to catch a few hours of sleep and go back. Everything else remains the same, still has that temp...

huggles

[Durris]

Lighten our darkness, O Lord, we beseech Thee, and by Thy great mercy defend Furls Fire and Shadow from all perils and dangers of this night; for the love of thine only Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Adapted from Compline (late night prayer), The Book of Common Prayer 1979

[Furls Fire]

OH Durris, how beautiful!!

lots of huggles to you!

I have great news!! Isaiah, praise the Lord, is out of the coma!! He's doing beautifully! His temp is still hovering around 100, and CD4 count is still very very low.. 32, so he is in complete isolation. (I have to gown up when I'm with him.) His eyesight, however, is very poor. He can barely make out images and he says everything is in "shadow". But he is smiling and happy to back with us.

He told me of his dream. And he was with Stephen, by that river I told you all about. Amazing experience, our Lord works wonders, does He not?? He can't remember all they said, but he does remember Stephen telling him that his time here is not finished, but when it is, my brother will come and take him Home.

Ah glorious! My brother's heart and hands are still helping others!!

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. Isaiah thanks you too, and told me to tell you all he loves you.

Peace

Tracie

[duchess of malfi]

What good news, Furls! I am so glad Shadow is doing better!

[Furls Fire]

[Fist and Faith]

Fantastic news!!!!

Everything is in shadow I think he has not lost his sense of humor. Or is he being extremely philosophical - Everything is in me, and I am in everything.

All of my best thoughts and wishes to Isaiah. Several times a day!

[variol son]

Sum sui generis
Vs

[Furls Fire]

We had a bit of a fright this morning, Isaiah's temp spiked to 104 and he began to convulse. He didn't slip back into coma tho, so that is very good. Sigh, he is still very very sick, the temp spiking could be from any number of causes, the PCP, the KS intenstinal infection, the MAC infection, the CTM...could be anything. He's all smiles tho, and when I left him about a half an hour ago he was in good spirits.

And Fist, not sure he was trying to be funny, he keeps saying that his vision is like looking thru a black veil.

keep him in your hearts and prayers everyone

[Fist and Faith]

Ah. My apologies for sounding flip. I thought maybe, considering his name here, he was making a play on words, trying to find humor in his situation.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to hear he's still conscious!! I wasn't happy when you had to leave this morning.

[Furls Fire]

Oh I didn't think you were sounding "flip"...actually, now that I think about it, maybe he did pick the word "shadow" because of his nickname here

By the time I got back down there, his convulsions had stopped. About 2 hours later tho, he had more. I just stayed the day. I think I'll stay home tonight tho, he told me too, and I told the hospital to call me if anything else happens.

hugglesssssssss